Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Balloons, IT and Management

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my damn fault."

Sensible Observations

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave
you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'"
--Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida , but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan "
--A. Whitney Brown

18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry

19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken
--Unknown, presumed deceased

20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
- W. C. Fields

And lastly: Why in Hell should I have to Press 1 for English?

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Padres 2007 - Games 101-110

After 100 games, the Pads are 54-46 (home 28-24, road 26-22), Runs 415-371, Homers 90-62. The Pads have lost 1 in a row, 5 of last 7, 6 of last 10, 8 of the 13 since the All-Star break.

100 games gives us a good benchmark to determine team and personal statistics:

Runs scored: Pads 415 (4.15 per game), opponents 371 (3.71 per game)
Hits: Pads 826 (8.26 per game), opponents 851 (8.51 per game)
Doubles: Pads 195 (1.95 per game), opponents 156 (1.56 per game)
Homers: Pads 90 (0.90 per game), opponents 62 (0.62 per game)
Walks: Pads 333 (3.33 per game), opponents 274 (2.74 per game)
Strikeouts: Pads 773 (7.73 per game), opponents 670 (6.70 per game)
Onbase Average: Pads 0.313, opponents 0.307

Innings pitched: Pads 913.2 (9.13 per game), opponents 910.0 (9.10 per game)
Earned runs: Pads 344 (3.44 per game), opponents 377 (3.77 per game)
ERA: Pads 3.39, opponents 3.73.

Game 101 - Thursday, July 26, SD at Houston: Astros win 7-1. The Pads were never in this game after the first inning. David Wells pitched terribly - 7 runs in 3 innings, 3 homers, loser, now 5-7). The Pads managed a run in the first off of Wandy Rodriguez, then were stym,ied on 3 hits the rest of the way. The only bright spot was the 5 innings of shutout relief by Clay Hensley, Joe Thatcher andDoug Brocail. After 191 games, the Pads are 54-47 (home 28-24, road 26-23), Runs 416-378, Homers 90-65. The team has lost 2 straight, 6 of last 8, and are 5-9 since the All-Star break.

Game 102 - Friday, July 27, SD at Houston: Pads win 9-4. Jake Peavy was on tonight (7 innings, 1 ER, 4 hits, 2 BB, 8 Ks, won, now 10-5) as the Padres piled up 9 runs on 12 hits (including 4 in the 8th and 9th). Milton Bradley had a solo homer and Brian Giles had 3 RBI. Joe Thatcher struggled in the 9th, giving up 3 runs while making 2 throwing errors plus a hit and a walk. After 102 games, the Pads are 55-47 (home 28-24, road 27-23), Runs 425-382, Homers 91-65. The Pads have won one in a row, lost 6 of last 9, and 6 of last 10.

Russell Branyan was released and Scott Hairston was obtained in a trade with Arizona for a minor league pitcher. This move is probably a mistake, although Hairston is younger and a better outfielder. Chris Young went on the disabled list.

Game 103, Saturday, July 28, SD at Houston: Astros win, 3-1. The Padres' offensive woes continued as Roy Oswalt held them to 1 run on 3 hits over 7 innings. Greg Maddux pitched well after the first inning, but he gave up 3 runs on a walk, a double and a homer. Maddux lost, he's now 7-8 (6 innings, 3 ER, 5 hits, 2 BB, 0 Ks). After 103 games, the Pads are 55-48 (home 28-24, road 27-24), Runs 426-385, Homers 91-66. The Pads have lost 1 in a row, and 7 out of the last 10, and are 6-10 since the All-Star break.

Game 104, Sunday, July 29, SD at Houston: Pads win 18-11. The Padres' broke out of their July slump with 11 runs in the first, and led 12-0 when Houston started their comeback. It was 12-8 after 4 innings, 15-11 after 5 innings, and the Pads scored 3 in the 9th to put it away. Tim Stauffer was called up to take Chris Young's place, and could not survive the 4th inning (7 ER, 4 H, 3 BB). The Astros hit 4 home runs in their comeback - 3 off Stauffer and 1 off Clay Hensley. Doug Brocail, Cla Meredith and Heath Bell shut out the Astros over the last 4 innings. Every Padres starter had at least 2 hits, except for Geoff Blum. Mike Cameron, Adrian Gonzalez and Kevin Kousmanoff hit home runs as the Pads pounded 8 Astros pitchers for 19 hits with 5 walks. After 104 games, the Pads are 56-48 (home 28-24, road 28-24), Runs 444-396, Homers 94-70. The Pads have won 1 in a row, and have lost 7 out of the last 10, and are 7-10 since the All-Star break.

Coming off this road trip, the Pads are in third place, but only 1/2 game out of first place in the NL West.

Game 105, Tuesday, July 31, Arizona at SD: Snakes win, 4-0. This was never a close game, mainly because Brandon Webb and two relievers dominated SD hitters, striking out 8 and giving up only 4 hits. Justin Germano gave up two-run homers to Stephen Drew in the second, and to Chris Young in the 5th. After 105 games, the Pads are 56-49 (home 28-25, road 28-24), Runs 444-400, Homers 94-72. The Pads have lost one in a row, and lost 7 out of the last 10, and are 7-11 since the All-Star break.

The Padres traded for OF Rob Mackowiak (White Sox), 3B Morgan Ensberg (Houston) and LHP Will Ledesma. Jose Cruz was released, and Tim Stauffer and Joe Thatcher were optioned to AAA Portland.

Game 106, Wednesday, August 1, Arizona at SD: Snakes win 9-5 in 11 innings. This may be the most critical loss of the year to date. Arizona had a 5-1 lead into the bottom of the 9th with their closer on them ound, but the Pads scored 4 in the 9th, the last two on Milton Bradley's 5th homer with two out to tie the game. Then in the 11th, Heath Bell gave up 4 runs, the big hit being a 3-run homer by Chad Tracy. David Wells was OK through 3, but gave up 2 in the 4th and 3 in the 5th (5.1 innings, 5 ER, 9 hits, 1 BB, 2 Ks). Brocail, Hampson, Cameron and Hoffman pitched well in relief, until Bell took the loss (now 4-3). After 106 games, the Pads are 56-50 (home 28-26, road 28-24), Runs 449-409, Homers 95-73, Pads have lost 2 in a row, 7 out of last 10, are 7-12 since the All-Star break. Even so, they are only 2-1/2 games behind Arizona in the NL West.

Game 107, Thursday, August 2, Arizona at SD: Pads win 11-0 (Linda, Lori and Logan went to the game). Jake Peavy is back on track - his second good game in a row (7 IP, 0 R, 3 H, 1 BB, 10 Ks, won, now 11-5). The Pads got 4 homers off the Snake pitchers, but only 10 hits overall. Rob Mackowiak played RF and went 2 for 5 in the leadoff spot. Morgan Ensburg played 3B and had 2 homers with 4 RBIs - good start! Adrian Gonzalez and Kahlil Greene had homers also. After 107 games, the Pads are 57-50 (home 29-26, road 28-24), Runs 460-409, Homers 99-73. The Pads have won 1 in a row, won 4 out of the last 10, and are 8-12 since the All-Star break.

Game 108, Friday, August 3, SF at SD: Pads win 4-3 in 10 innings. The Pads were dominated by Matt Cain for 7 innings, were behind 3-0, then scored 3 in the 8th on a homer by Scott Hairston, and then he hit a solo homer in the 10th to win it. Greg Maddux pitched just OK (6.1 IP, 3 ER, 8 hits, 0 BB, 3 K), but held Barry Bonds hitless. The bullpen closed it out with 3 scoreless innings (winner was Heath Bell, now 5-3). After 108 games, the Pads are 58-50 (home 30-26, road 28-24), Runs 464-412, Homers 101-73. The Pads have won 2 in a row, won 5 of the last 10, and are 9-12 since the All-Star break.

Game 109, Saturday, August 4, SF at SD: Pads win, 3-2 in 12 innings. The story was Barry Bonds 755th career homer in the 1st inning off Clay Hensley. We were there for this game. Clay Hensley pitched OK (4.2 IP, 2 ER, 3 H, 5 BB, 3 Ks), and the bullpen threw 8 innings of shutout, 2-hit, 2 BB ball, with Cla Meredith getting the win (now 4-5). The Pads got a leadoff homer from Scott Hairston, then added a run after Hairston singled and Mike Cameron tripled. In the 12th, Marcus Giles walked, stole second, sacrificed to third by Cameron, Bard and Gonzalez were intentionally walked, and Kahlil Greene drove a single past the drawn-in infield for the winning RBI. After 109 games, the Pads are 59-50 (home 31-26, road 28-24), Runs 467-414, Homers 102-74. The Pads have won 3 in a row, 5 out of last 10, and are 10-12 since the All-Star break.

Game 110, Sunday, August 5, SF at SD: Pads win 5-4. Justin Germano pitched a decent game (5.2 IP, 2 ER, 2 hits, 2 BB, 3 Ks) and left with the score tied. The bullpen went 3 scoreless innings, before Trevor Hoffman saved it in the 9th, but he gave up 2 runs on a homer by Benjie Molina. Barry Bonds did not play. The Pads got an RBI single by Marcus Giles in the 2nd, and a run in the 5th on an error by the 3B as Mike Cameron stole third. In the 6th, the Pads got 2 runs on RBIs by a Marcus Giles sac fly and a Brian Giles ground out. In the 8th, Mike Cameron scored Morgan Ensberg with a double to center. After 110 games, the Pads are 60-50 (home 32-26, road 28-24), runs 472-418, Homers 102-75. The Pads have won 4 in a row, won 6 of last 10, and are 11-12 since the All Star break.

In a roster move, Clay Hensley was sent to AAA Portland and Mike Thompson was brought up. The bullpen is exhausted. Milton Bradley, Brian Giles and Scott Hairston are dinged up but all should play this next week.

The U-T didn't print the stats after this game in time for this post, so I'll add them next time.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

So You Think You Know Everything?

Here are some things you probably didn't know:

* "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)

* No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

* "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". (Are you doubting this?)

* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.


* The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)

* The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.)

* There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, aren't you?)

* There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, you are going to say . a e i o u)

* TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)

* A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

* A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is)

* A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

* A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

* A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.! )

* Almonds are a member of the peach family.

* An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

* Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

* February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

* In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

* If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

* Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

* Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

* Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

* The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

* The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

* The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that)

* The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

* There are more chickens than people in the world.

* Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Now you know everything!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

80 Years of Women in Film

My friend Felix sent the link to this 2:26 long video of 80 years of women in film - at http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007/women-in-film-p1.php.

Watch it all the way through, then look at the names below the window frame.

This is pretty neat, I think.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Laws you haven't heard of

Law of Mechanical Repair -- After your hands become coated with grease,Your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop -- Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability -- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the Stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone -- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi -- If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, The very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law -- If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start To move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath -- When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters -- The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result -- When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics -- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater -- At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee -- As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss Will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers -- If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets -- The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug

Law of Location -- No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument -- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law -- If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law -- A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law (this one is true every time!) -- As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law -- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, By the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Lolo's Summer Vacation

We are so lucky - our 2-1/2 year old granddaughter Lauren (Lolo) came to visit us for a whole week without her mom and dad. James dropped her off on Sunday with a suitcase of clothes and some diapers, and drove off back home. He had to work all week, and Tami had to be at the university for her PhD studies all week and wasn't going to go home, so Lolo got a week in cool San Diego with "Ba-ba" and "Mam-ma."

On Monday, Lolo audited Grandpa's genealogy class for awhile, then went to grandma's toddler reading time at the library. That night, we took the trolley to the Padres game at Petco Park and had a good time. Linda bought Lolo a pink Padres shirt and we found an extra cap for her. We schooled her in how to say "Go Padres" and she learned quickly!


We went to El Pollo Loco for dinner, then went to the park. At the game, she really enjoyed the food, the lights, the excitement, the music, and quickly found the Disney World ad on the scoreboard with Nemo on it. The usher took this picture.


Lolo was a trooper - we got home from the game at 10 PM and she went right to bed. On Tuesday, we stayed home. Lolo played with the Wedg-It blocks (below) for over an hour - she's really good at building them up, and she loves to knock it down and start again. We watched PBS and Disney programs, then she played a bit on the computer.



On Wednesday, it was back to the library for the computer group with grandpa, then grandma came and took her to the bay to play on the equipment and look for squirrels on the rocks. We all met for lunch at Rubio's (Lolo loves fish tacos, chips, salsa, etc.) and went home for a nap. Usually, in the afternoons we went out and watered the plants and looked for birds and bugs or played ball.

We went to the Padres' game on the trolley again on Thursday, and she had a great time. This time we ate fish and chips at the Tin Fish before the game. Lolo had a great time entertaining us and the other fans with lots of smiles and giggles and running around our seats. We got home at 10:30 and she went right to bed.

On Friday, after a lazy morning, Lolo and Grandpa went to McDonalds for lunch and then for a walk with Grandpa's friend George down on the bayfront. We had a good 30 minute walk, and she played a bit on the equipment. George suggested we go to another park which has squirrels running around. so we went there and fed soggy french fries to the squirrels, and she played on the slides.

Saturday was a really big day for Lolo. Grandpa took her in the morning to another park with big slides and she played for an hour there. We went for lunch at Chick-Fil-A and who was there but her mom and dad. She was really happy to see them. After lunch, and a long play time on the equipment there, we came home and everybody had a nap. Then we went to Lolo's third Padres' game this week. We ate inside Petco Park - Lolo had a hot dog and a pretzel. During the game, she had popcorn and ice cream (shared with Grandpa). We took this picture of a happy Lolo with happy parents.



They drove home after the game. Our house is pretty quiet and empty now, but we were pooped from all of the activity. We sure had a good time. She is so cute and so much fun to be with.


Baseball, hot dogs, ice cream and Lolo - what a great week!

Three men and a bear

A Catholic Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape. The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Padres 2007 - Games 91 to 100

After 90 games (55.5% of the season completed):

The Padres are in 2nd place in the NL West with a 50-40 record, one game behind the Dodgers (52-40), the Snakes (49-44) are 3-1/2 behind the Dodgers, the Rockies (45-46) are 8-1/2 behind, and the Giants (38-51) are 12-1/2 behind. The Padres record is 1/2 game behind the Milwaukee Brewers (51-40) and the NY Mets (51-40). They are 44-31 in the NL, and 6-9 against the AL. They are 5-6 in extra inning games, and 14-19 in one-run games. They have thrown 12 shutouts, and been shut out only two times.

As a team, the Pads are 16th in the NL in Batting Average (0.242), 11th in runs scored, 9th in home runs hit, 1st in ERA (3.11), 1st in shutouts (12), with an opponents BA of 0.244. The Pads walk 9.9% of the time (opponents walk 7.6% of the time) and strike out 23.0% of the time (opponents strike out 19.6% of the time).

Game 91. Monday, July 16, NY Mets at SD: Pads win, 5-1. David Wells (winner, now 5-5, 6 innings, 1 R, 7 hits, 1 BB, 2 K) had one of his best games. The bullpen pitched 3 scoreless innings. The Pads scored 2 in the 2nd on a hit by Mike Barrett, one in the 7th on an infield out by Marcus Giles, and 2 in the 8th on a solo homer by Mike Cameron, then an RBI single by Barrett. After 91 games, the Pads are 51-40 (home 26-20, road 25-20), Runs 390-312, Homers 84-51. The team has won 2 in a row, won 4 of last 10.

Game 92, Tuesday, July 17, NY Mets at SD: Mets win 7-0. El Duque was marvelous - he always baffles the Pads. He went 7 innings, giving up 2 hits. Jake Peavy (lost, now 9-4, 6 innings, 3 ER, 6 hits, 2 BB, 5 Ks) gave up a run in the 4th and 2 in the 5th. The bullpen (Cameron and Ring) gave up 4 runs in 3 innings. After 92 games, the Pads are 51-41 (home 26-21, road 25-20), Runs 390-319, Homers 84-51. The team has lost one in a row, lost 6 of last 10.

Game 93, Wednesday, July 18, NY Mets at SD: Pads win 5-4, but it wasn't easy. Greg Maddux pitched 5 shutout innings, left with a 4 run lead, but the bullpen gave up 4 runs - Linebrink gave up a 3-run homer to David Wright in the 8th and the game was tied. In the 8th, Geoff Blum drove in a run to give the Pads the lead and Trevor Hoffman notched his 26th save. Earlier, Adrian Gonzalez hit is 15th homer, and Milton Bradley hit his first. After 93 games, the Pads are 52-41 (home 27-21, road 25-20), Runs 395-323, Homers 86-53. The team has won 1 in a row, and won 4 of last 10.

Game 94, Thursday, July 19, Philadephia Phillies at SD: Pads win 1-0. Chris Young threw another masterpiece (7 innings, 0 runs, 2 hits, 3 BB, 6 Ks, now 9-3) against the best hitting team in the NL. Cole Hamels gave up only one run on 2 hits and took the loss. The run scored in the 3rd on an RBI double by Adrian Gonzalez. Heath Bell and Trevor Hoffman (save #27, struck out the side in the 9th) closed it out for the Pads. After 94 games, the Pads are 53-41 (home 28-21, road 25-20), Runs 396-323, Homers 86-53. The Pads have won 2 in a row, 4 of the last 5, and 5 of the last 10.

Game 95, Friday, July 20, Philly at SD: Phils win, 7-3. The Pads were ahead 2-1 after 3, but the Phils got 3 in the 4th to go ahead to stay off Justin Germano (5.1 innings, 4 runs, 6 hits, 3 BB, 3 Ks, now 6-4). The Phils got 3 more in the 7th and 8th off Doug Brocail. The Pads had 11 hits and 8 walks, but left 15 runners on base. Adam Eaton won it for the Phils. After 95 games, the Pads are 53-42 (home 28-22, road 25-20), Runs 399-330, Homers 86-54. The Pads have lost 1 in a row, won 4 of last 6, won 5 of last 10.

Game 96, Saturday, July 21, Philly at SD: Phils win 12-4. It wasn't a close game - easily one of the worst of the season. David Wells started and went only 4.1 innings (7 ER, 7 hits, 2 BB, 1 K, lost, now 5-6). Ryan Howard (5 RBI) crushed two homers for the Phils, as did Wes Helms. The Phils got 5 in the 9th off of Cla Meredith on a series of infield and seeing-eye hits, capped by a double. The Pads had 8 hits against the beatable Jamie Moyer, but left 8 runners on base. The so-so Phils bullpen looked like worldbeaters. Milton Bradley had a homer, triple and single. After 96 games, the Pads are 53-43 (home 28-23, road 25-20), Runs 403-342, Homers 87-57. The Pads have lost 2 straight, and lost 6 of last 10.

Game 97, Sunday, July 22, Phillies at Pads: Phils win 9-0. Another terrible game - poor pitching, no hitting, they made a young pitcher look like Cy Young. Jake Peavy (lost, now 9-5, 6 innings, 4 ER, 9 hits, 2 BB, 6 Ks) started and gave up 2 runs in the 3rd (Rollins homer and Howard RBI double) and 2 in the 5th (Rollins triple, Victorino double and Howard SacFly RBI) and was not real sharp. The Phils tacked on 5 runs in the 8th off Doug Brocail (4 runs) and Royce Ring (1 run). The Pads never really threatened against JD Durbin, who had a complete game. After 97 games, the Pads are 53-44, (home 28-24, road 25-20), Runs 403-351, Homers 87-58. The Pads have lost 3 straight, and 6 of the last 10.

Game 98, Monday, July 23, SD at Colorado: Rocks win 7-5. This is another game where the hitting was OK, the starter did well, and the relievers gave it up. Greg Maddux started (6 innings, 2 ER, 5 hits, 0 BB, 2 Ks) and left with a 5-2 lead. Scott Linebrink hit a batter, waled another, gave up a 3-run homer to Holliday to make it 5-5, then gave up a hit to Atkins. Cla Meredith came in and gave up a homer to Hawpe to cinch the game for the Rockies. The Pads broke out of their slump - 5 runs on 12 hits, with Bradley getting a 3-run homer in the 5th, and Kouzmanoff a solo homer in the 6th. Jeff Francis went 6 innings, giving up all 5 Padres runs on 10 hits. After 98 games, the Pads are 53-45 (home 28-24, road 25-21), Runs 408-358, Homers 89-60. The Pads have lost 4 straight, and 6 out of last 10.

Game 99, Tuesday, July 24, SD at Colorado: Pads win 5-3. This game was just like the last one, until the 8th inning. The Pads jumped ahead with a 3-run homer by Mike Cameron, the Rocks tied it in the 7th with 3 runs off the bullpen (Doug Brocail). Deja vu - would the Rocks win it in the bottom of the 8th? Nope - the Pads won it in the top of the 8th with RBIs by Adrian Gonzalez and Kahlil Greene. The bullpen (Heath Bell got the win, now 4-2, and Trevor Hoffman got the save, his 28th) closed it out nicely. Chris Young started the game, but left after 2 innings with a strained oblique muscle. Justin Hampson pitched 3.2 innings of shutout relief. After 99 games, the Pads are 54-45 (home 28-24, road 26-21), Runs 413-361, Homers 90-60. The Pads have won 1 in a row and 5 out of last 10.

Game 100, Wednesday, July 25, SD at Colorado: Rocks win, 10-2. Aaron Cook pitched a complete game for the Rocks (2 ER, 7 hits, 0 BB, 2 K) using only 74 pitches. The Pads scored 2 in the 1st inning, starting with 3 hits, then couldn't score again. The Rocks chipped away off starter Justin Germano (5+ innings, 6 ER, 7 hits, 1 BB, 1 K, lost - now 6-5) and the bullpen (3 runs, 2 ER off Kevin Cameron, 1 run, 0 ER off Cla Meredith) failed again, with help from 3 errors by the defense. After 100 games, the Pads are 54-46 (home 28-24, road 26-22), Runs 415-371, Homers 90-62. The Pads have lost 1 in a row, 5 of last 7, 6 of last 10, 8 of the 13 since the All-Star break.

Before the 100th game, Termel Sledge was sent to Portland and Clay Hensley was brought up despite his terrible numbers in Portland. After the game, Scott Linebrink was traded to Milwaukee for three young pitchers, one of whom - lefty Joe Thatcher - will join the Pads immediately.

100 games gives us a good benchmark to determine team and personal statistics:

Runs scored: Pads 415 (4.15 per game), opponents 371 (3.71 per game)
Hits: Pads 826 (8.26 per game), opponents 851 (8.51 per game)
Doubles: Pads 195 (1.95 per game), opponents 156 (1.56 per game)
Homers: Pads 90 (0.90 per game), opponents 62 (0.62 per game)
Walks: Pads 333 (3.33 per game), opponents 274 (2.74 per game)
Strikeouts: Pads 773 (7.73 per game), opponents 670 (6.70 per game)
Onbase Average: Pads 0.313, opponents 0.307

Innings pitched: Pads 913.2 (9.13 per game), opponents 910.0 (9.10 per game)
Earned runs: Pads 344 (3.44 per game), opponents 377 (3.77 per game)
ERA: Pads 3.39, opponents 3.73.

The hitting stats of the regular players are (BA, AB, H, 2B, HR, RBI, BB, K):

Milton Bradley (OF) - 0.370, 46, 17, 1, 3, 9, 7, 7
Brian Giles (RF) - 0.292, 250, 73, 16, 2, 18, 36, 34
Adrian Gonzalez (1B) - 0.266, 391, 104, 30, 15, 59, 41, 89
Josh Bard (C) - 0.266, 218, 58, 13, 3, 24, 23, 32
Mike Barrett (C) - 0.258, 291, 75, 15, 9, 37, 17, 48
Mike Cameron (CF) - 0.253, 371, 94, 22, 13, 48, 34, 95
Jose Cruz (OF) - 0.237, 253, 60, 12, 6, 21, 30, 65
Marcus Giles (2B) - 0.236, 356, 84, 18, 4, 33, 35, 67
Kahlil Greene (SS) - 0.234, 363, 85, 24, 16, 54, 19, 72
Kevin Kouzmanoff (3B) - 0.229, 271, 62, 14, 10, 40, 21, 65

The starting pitchers statistics (W-L, ERA, G, IP, H, BB, SO):

Chris Young - 9-3, 1.82, 20, 118.2, 78, 39, 114
Jake Peavy - 9-5, 2.47, 20, 131.0, 107, 38, 136
Greg Maddux - 7-7, 4.11, 21, 124.2, 139, 19, 68
Justin Germano - 6-5, 4.20, 14, 81.1, 77, 20, 41
David Wells - 5-6, 4.57, 19, 106.1, 129, 28, 58

The relief pitching statistics (W-L, S, ERA, G, IP, H, BB, SO):

Kevin Cameron - 0-0, 0, 0.99, 26, 36.1, 26, 24, 34
Trevor Hoffman - 2-3, 28, 1.75, 38, 36.0, 20, 7, 24
Justin Hampson - 2-2, 0, 2.03, 17, 31.0, 27, 9, 15
Heath Bell - 4-2, 0, 2.06, 49, 56.2, 40, 15, 57
Scott Linebrink - 3-3, 1, 3.80, 44, 45.0, 41, 14, 25
Cla Meredith - 3-5, 0, 4.20, 48, 49.1, 62, 11, 36
Doug Brocail - 2-1, 0, 4.64, 35, 42.2, 40, 17, 26

The Pads scored 30 runs and gave up 60 in this 10 game stretch. The team batting average is 0.242, and the opponents raised theirs from 0.244 to 0.248. The team ERA jumped from 3.11 to 3.39.

Observations:

The starting pitching is starting to break down - Young is injured, Peavy is lagging, Maddux, Germano and Wells are inconsistent. Peavy is the only one who averages over 6 innings. Young gives up the fewest hits (5.94 per 9 innings)), Peavy strikes out the most (9.34 per 9 innings( and Maddux walks the fewest (1.37 per 9 innings).

The relief pitching is breaking down. Only Trevor Hoffman and Justin Hampson have pitched effectively in this 10 game stretch. The ERAs of Bell, Linebrink, Meredith, and Brocail have increased significantly since Game 90.

The hitters continue to struggle. Too many strikeouts, not enough hits and walks. JD Durbin and Aaron Cook should not dominate hitters the way they did. Adrian Gonzalez is over his slump, but Marcus Giles' slump continues. Brian Giles has done well in the leadoff position, and Milton Bradley has started well, showing power and speed. Cameron, Greene and Kouzmanoff show occasional power, but strike out way too often. The catchers have gotten key hits with little power.

The defense is pretty good when the regulars play. Bradley has improved the outfield defense.

The bench has contributed few key hits, but the best HR/AB on the team is Russell Branyan with 7 in 122 AB - 1 in 17 AB), but he is hitting 0.197. There is no feared hitter on the bench.

I'm unimpressed by the hitting coach's results - but low batting averages and power have been an ongoing problem for years. Watching how the Phillies and Rockies raked over the last week against the best NL pitching staff - I saw more bat speed and solid hits than the Padres hitters in those games.

They are what they are - the best pitching in the league, the worst hitting in the league, with middle-of-the-pack power and run production.

The trading deadline is coming up. Where could they improve? Mike Piazza as a 3rd catcher and pinch-hitter? Mark Loretta at 2B would provide more hits but poorer defense. A young catcher with power who can throw out runners? A power third baseman? I think they have to stick with what they have, although Piazza might be helpful.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

LoLo's on her summer vacation

LoLo came for a visit on Sunday, and is staying until next Sunday. Her mom and dad have things to do and places to see, so LoLo gets a week of summer vacation in cool Chula Vista with Grandma and Grandpa. Oh boy!


FYI, LoLo is now 2-1/2, is cute as the dickens, and is talking up a storm. We don't understand much of it, but we do get the "love you," "mine," "cookies!" and "Go Padres" part of her babble. She is a real sweetheart.

On Monday, LoLo went with Grandpa to the library and dazzled the genealogy meeting with her vocabulary. One of the guys made balloon hats for her while Grandpa taught a class. When Grandma came to get her, she didn't want to go. But Grandma insisted, and they went off to Grandma's reading session with toddlers. LoLo really like that!


They were done at 11:15 AM, so Grandma took LoLo to her new favorite restaurant - Rubio's - for fish tacos, salsa, chips, etc. She really likes that stuff. Then they went to church for the quilting group. After entertaining them for about 10 minutes, she went home with Grandpa and went down for a nap. Grandpa had a bowl of soup, then had his nap!

We left around 4:30 PM to go to the Padres game. We stopped at El Pollo Loco for dinner - LoLo loved the tortilla with butter and the corn on the cob, but turned her nose up at Mac and cheese and the chicken. We rode the trolley to downtown SD and she really liked watching the world go by and looking at the interesting people riding on the trolley. We got inside Petco Park, and Grandma took her to visit friends.

I think the highlight of the evening for LoLo was the ice cream sundae she shared with Grandpa and the cone she shared with Grandma.



As you can see, LoLo wore her new Padres shirt to the game, and really enjoyed the cheering, the lights and all of the people waving at her and making faces at her. Along about the 5th inning, one of the characters came by and gave LoLo a high-five and a soft Padres ball which she clutched the rest of the night. An usher friend came by with a soft whale doll for her and now she had two things to clutch. Grandma got her in her PJs before we left for home.

We left after 7 innings with the Padres ahead (they won, 5-1) and headed for the trolley to beat the rush after the game. She stayed awake on the ride home, but was pretty quiet. When we got home, I read a book to her and put her to bed around 10:15. She went down without a peep.

She is really a good sleeper. She woke up this morning at 8 AM - just in time to watch her favorite show, "Little Einsteins."

So Day 1 of vacation is over - I hope she remembers it, because we sure will!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Definitions not in the Dictionary

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

The Pink Envelope

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week.

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; What does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."

Boeing 787 Rollout

Boeing rolled out the new Boeing 787 Deamliner on 7-8-07 (of course!) at Everett WA.



Here is a closeup view of the 787 nacelle that Goodrich has designed and is manufacturing. I worked on the thrust reverser design and analysis (the thrust reverser is the part with the sawtooth trailing edge - which are noise attenuation devices).

The Boeing Lineup

Amid all the 787 roll-out hoopla, perhaps the coolest event went unnoticed. On Saturday night, Boeing had all of the 787 airline representatives at an event at the Museum of Flight. At 7:07 PM, an Omega Air Refueling Services 707 landed in front of the crowd (after taking off from Paine Field in Everett). At 7:17, an AirTran 717 landed. This continued until 8:17 when an Air France 777-300ER landed.

In the end, the 717, 727, 737, 747, 757, 767, and 777 were lined up nose-to-tail on the taxiway. It is the first time Boeing has had every 7-series airplane in the same place (not counting the 787, which couldn't make the flight, of course).

From right to left: 707, 717, 727, 737, 747, 757, 767, 777

Monday, July 09, 2007

Why Women should not take Men shopping

After Mr. & Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the Hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the Auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"And last, but not least ..

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards, Wal-Mart

Yogi Berra speaks to grads

Yogi's speech ain't over till it's over your head
By Dan O'Neill
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Sunday, May. 27 2007

Deadlines being what they are for this Sunday column, this essayist missed
a momentous occasion recently. Yogi Berra accepted an honorary degree from
St. Louis University and delivered the commencement speech for 1,900 graduates and 10,000 in attendance at Scottrade Center.

It's hard to imagine a more promising lingual event. Berra is to vocal communication what Don Cherry is to the fashion industry. Yogi doesn't so much command the English language as he corkscrews it. It is part of what makes the baseball Hall of Famer and pride of the Hill one of America 's endearing figures. While the oratory went unrecognized in this space last week, I was fortunate enough to secure — wink, wink — a copy of the discourse and felt compelled to share it with those who did not attend. So here is, in its entirety, Yogi's dissertation:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thank you all for being here tonight. I know this is a busy time of year, and if you weren't here, you could probably be somewhere else. I especially want to thank the administration at St. Louis University for making this day necessary. It is an honor to receive this honorary degree.

"It is wonderful to be here in St. Louis and to visit the old neighborhood. I haven't been back since the last time I was here. Everything looks the same, only different. Of course, things in the past are never as they used to be.

"Before I speak, I have something I'd like to say. As you may know, I never went to college, or high school for that matter. To be honest, I'm not much of a public speaker, so I will try to keep this short as long as I can.

"As I look out upon all of the young people here tonight, there are a number of words of wisdom I might depart. But I think the most irrelevant piece of advice I can pass along is this:

"The most important things in life are the things that are least important.

"I could have gone a number of directions in my life. Growing up on the Hill, I could have opened a restaurant or a bakery. But the more time I spent in places like that, the less time I wanted to spend there. I knew that if I wanted to play
baseball, I was going to have to play baseball. My childhood friend, Joe Garagiola, also became a big-league ballplayer, as did my son, Dale. I think you'll find the similarities in our careers are quite different.

"You're probably wondering, how does a kid from the Hill become a New York Yankee and get in the Hall of Fame? Well, let me tell you something, if it was easy nobody would do it. Nothing is impossible until you make it possible.

"Of course, times were different. To be honest, I was born at an early age. Things are much more confiscated now. It seems like a nickel ain't worth a
dime anymore. But let me tell you, if the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

"You'll make some wrong mistakes along the way, but only the wrong survive. Never put off until tomorrow what you can't do today. Denial isn't just a river in Europe .

"Strive for success and remember you won't get what you want unless you want what you get. Some will choose a different path. If they don't want to come along, you can't stop them. Remember, none are so kind as those who will not see.

"Keep the faith and follow the Commandments: Do not covet thy neighbor's wife, unless she has nothing else to wear. Treat others before you treat yourself. As Franklin Eleanor Roosevelt once said, 'The only thing you have to fear is beer itself.'

"Hold on to your integrity, ladies and gentlemen. It's the one thing you really need to have; if you don't have it, that's why you need it. Work hard to reach your goals, and if you can't reach them, use a ladder. There may come a day when you get hurt and have to miss work. Don't worry, it won't hurt to miss work.

"Over the years, I have realized that baseball is really just a menopause for life. We all have limitations, but we also know limitation is the greatest form of flattery. Beauty is in the eyes of Jim Holder.

"Half the lies you hear won't be true, and half the things you say, you won't ever say.

"As parents you'll want to give your children all the things you didn't have. But don't buy them an encyclopedia, make them walk to school like you did. Teach them to have respect for others, especially the police. They are not here to create disorder, they are here to preserve it.

"Throughout my career, I found good things always came in pairs of three. There will be times when you are an overwhelming underdog. Give 100 percent to everything you do, and when that's not enough, give everything you have left. 'Winning isn't everything, but it's better than rheumatism.' I think Guy Lombardo said that.

"Finally, dear graduates and friends, cherish this moment; it is a memory you will never forget. You have your entire future ahead of you. "Good luck and Bob's speed."

Butt Dust

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE(age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six "

STEVEN(age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN(age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his
dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

JAMES(age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

Real Newspaper Ads

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FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat ... been out a while. Better be a reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call Stephanie.

AND THE BEST ONE:

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes Excellent condition $1,000 or best offer No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.

Men and Barbecue

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. And most important of all:

(10) Everyone PRAISES and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Headlines from 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria & Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

You might be a True American if ...

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation under God."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never burned an American flag.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

What would you add to this list? (I know that will generate some interesting comments - come on, sock it to me).

Padres 2007 - Games 81 to 90

After 80 games (one game shy of half the season):

The Padres are in 1st place in the NL West with a 46-34 record, with a one game lead on the Dodgers (46-36), 1-1/2 on the Snakes (46-37), 8 on the Rockies (39-43) and 11 on the Giants (35-45). Their record is 1/2 game behind the Milwaukee Brewers (47-34) and even with the NY Mets (46-34). They are 19-13 against the NL West, 40-25 in the NL, and 6-9 against the AL. They are 5-6 in extra inning games, and 13-16 in one-run games.

As a team, the Pads are 16th in the NL in Batting Average (0.243), 11th in runs scored, 9th in home runs hit, 1st in ERA (3.03), 1st in shutouts (11), with an opponents BA of 0.243. The Pads walk 9.8% of the time (opponents walk 7.8% of the time, and strike out 23.0% of the time (opponents strike out 19.7% of the time).

Game 81, Monday, July 2, Florida at SD: Pads win 3-1. David Wells went 6 innings, giving up no runs on 5 hits with 3 BB and 6 Ks - his best outing of the year (wins - now 4-5). The Pads scratched 3 runs on infield grounders and a sacrifice fly, and mounted a mighty offense consisting of 3 hits and 3 walks. Josh Willingham broke up the shutout in the 8th with a homer off Scott Linebrink. After 81 games, the Pads are 47-34 (home 23-16, road 24-18), Runs 351-272, Homers 74-44, Won 1 in a row, won 6 out of last 10.

Game 82, Tuesday, July 3, Florida at SD: Fish win, 6-4. This one got away as Buddy left Greg Maddux in too long. The Pads scored two in the second, and Kahlil Greene hit a two-run homer in the 6th to stake Maddux to a 4-2 lead. In the 7th, Hanley Ramirez tied the game with a pinch-hit homer, then Maddux gave up 2 hits and was lifted (6.1 innings. 6 runs, 10 hits, 0 BB, 5 Ks, lost, now 7-5). Royce Ring came on and gave up two runs before he got the side out. The Marlins bullpen shut the Pads down in the 8th and 9th without a baserunner. After 82 Games, the Pads are 47-35 (home 23-17, road 24-18), Runs 355-278, Homers 75-45, Lost 1 in a row, won 6 out of last 10.

Game 83, Wednesday, July 4, Florida at SD: Pads win 1-0. This is the Pads fourth 1-0 win this year, and their 12th shutout. Chris Young went 7 innings (0 runs, 5 hits, 0 BB, 9 Ks), followed by Scott Linebrink and Heath Bell (winner, now 2-2). Josh Johnson matched Young through 5 innings, then the Marlins bullpen did a good job until the 9th, when Mike Cameron doubled, Kahlil Greene was walked intentionally, Hiram Bocachica bunted and was safe to load the bases, and Kevin Kouzmanoff grounded to 3rd base. Miguel Cabrera threw home and Miguel Olivo didn't catch the throw on a routine play. Cameron scored, the Padres won and everybody cheered. We didn't watch the game - we went to church for a picnic and the fireworks. After 83 games: Won 48, lost 35 (home 24-17, road 24-18), Runs 356-278, Homers 75-45, Won 1 in a row, Won 6 of last 10.

Game 84, Thursday, July 5, Florida at SD: Fish win, 3-2. This was a winnable game - several times over. Jake Peavy (lost, now 9-3, 7 innings, 3 ER, 5 hits, 3 BB, 6 Ks) had a pedestrian outing. The Pads had only 3 hits, and didn't drive in a man on 3rd with nobody out in the 1st, and 2 runners on with 1 out in the 7th. The offense really sucks right now. The Fish got just enough hitting to score 3 and hang on. After 84 games: Won 48, Lost 36 (home 24-18, road 24-18), Runs 358-281, Homers 75-46, Lost 1 in a row, won 6 of last 10.

Game 85, Friday, July 6, Atlanta at SD: Braves win 7-4. It wasn't even close. Justin Germano has a terrible outing (4 innings, 7 ER, 10 hits, 2 BB, 2 Ks, lost, now 5-3). Ex-Padre Buddy Carlyle held the Pads to 3 runs on 8 hits over 8 innings. The Braves scored 3 in the 3rd and 4 in the 4th. The Pads jumped ahead 2-0 in the 1st on 3 singles and a fielders choice. Russell Branyan hit a solo homer in the 7th. After 85 games: Won 48, Lost 37 (home 24-19, road 24-18), Runs 362-288, Homers 76-47, Lost 2 in a row, 3 out of last 5, and won 6 of last 10.

Game 86, Saturday, July 7, Atlanta at SD: Pads win 8-5. Both teams overcame deficits in this game. David Wells went only 3 innings (3 ER, 4 hits, 1 BB, 1 K) and was ejected for arguing with the plate umpire. Doug Brocail came off the DL and pitched 3 scoreless innings, and Heath Bell pitched the 7th, giving up the 2 typing runs and getting the win(now 3-2). Linebrink and Hoffman (25th save) finished it off. The Pads scored 1 in the 2nd on Kahlil Greene's solo homer, 4 in the 4th, 3 on a Mike Cameron homer, and 3 in the 7th on key hits by Gonzalez and Kouzmanoff. A nice comeback win after getting tied. After 86 games: Won 49, Lost 37 (home 25-19, road 24-18), Runs 370-293, Homers 78-48, Won 1 in a row, won 3 out of last 6, won 6 out of last 10.

Game 87, Sunday, July 8, Atlanta at SD: Braves won, 5-4. This was a terrible game on national TV (ESPN). The Braves scored 3 in the 2nd and 2 in the 6th off Greg Maddux (5+ IP, 5 ER, 6 hits, 2 BB, 2 Ks, lost now 7-6). The Pads had 1 run on 4 hits through 8 innings, retiring 16 of the last 17 batters. In the 9th, the Pads had 5 hits off closer Bob Wickman and scored 3 runs to make it close, but Marcus Giles struck out to end it (on a ball 6 inches outside called by the umpire). After 87 games: Won 49, Lost 38 (home 25-20, road 24-18), Runs 374-298, Homers 78-50, Lost 1 in a row, lost 4 of last 7, won 5 out of last 10.

Now it's the All-Star break, with Jake Peavy starting the game in San Francisco. Chris Young won the last spot on the fans vote, and Trevor Hoffman will be there too.

Peavy pitched the scoreless first inning, Young pitched the 5th and gave up two runs on Ichiro's inside-the-park homer, and Trevor pitched a scoreless 9th. The Nationals lost 5-4 for the 10th game in a row.

Game 88, Friday, July 13, SD at Arizona: Snakes win 8-3. This was a terrible game - behind early, had a chance, lost it badly. The pitching was terrible - Greg Maddux gave up 4 runs in 4 innings (on 9 hits), and Brocail had two shutout innings. The Pads got two solo homers from Kouzmanoff and Jose Cruz to pull to 4-3 in the top of the 7th. We had a chance! Then relievers Royce Ring and Cla Meredith gave up 4 more runs in the 7th and 8th. After 88 games - Won 49, Lost 39 (home 25-20, road 24-19), Runs 377-306, Homers
80-50, Lost 2 in a row, lost 5 of last 8, lost 6 of last 10.

Game 89, Saturday, July 14, SD at Arizona: Snakes win 5-4. What's worse than falling behind and almost coming back? It's going ahead and losing it in the later innings. Chris Young pitched very well - 6 innings,1 run, 2 hits, 0 BB, 8 Ks. The Pads got solo homers from Kouzmanoff and Greene and a two-run shot by Brian Giles, and the Pads are up 4-1 into the 7th. Heath Bell got lit up in the 7th for 3 runs and then Scott Linebrink gave up a run in the 8th to take thel oss. The Arizona bullpen pitched 3 hitless innings. After 89 games - Won 49, Lost 40 (home 25-20, road 24-20), Runs 381-311, Homers 83-51, Lost 3 in a row, lost 7 of last 10.

Game 90, Sunday, July 15, SD at Arizona: Pads win 4-0. Justin Germano went 6 good innings and won the game. The Pads had 12 hits and scratched out 4 runs on timely hitting against Brandon Webb. The bullpen (Bell, Linebrink and Brocail) finished it off. The team really needed this one. The 13th shutout of the year. After 90 games - Won 50, Lost 40 (home 25-20, road 25-20), Runs 385-311, Homers 83-51, Won 1 in a row, lost 3 out of last 4, lost 6 out of last 10.

In this 10 game stretch, the team lost 6 out of 10, scored 37 runs and gave up 40, and saw the team ERA soar above 3.10.

After 90 games, the batting leaders are (BAvg, AB, H, 2B, HR, RBI, BB, K)

* Milton Bradley .... (0.400, 15, 6, 0, 0, 3, 2, 3)
* Brian Giles ......... (0.292, 212, 62, 12, 2, 17, 30, 26)
* Mike Cameron ....(0.262, 344, 90, 22, 11, 44, 29, 87)
* Adrian Gonzalez . (0.261, 353, 92, 25, 14, 52, 40, 85)
* Mike Barrett ....... (0.258, 264, 68, 12, 9, 34, 17, 43)
* Josh Bard ........... (0.256, 203, 52, 12, 3, 23, 23, 31)
* Jose Cruz ........... (0.246, 244, 60, 12, 6, 21, 29, 63)
* Marcus Giles ...... (0.242, 339, 82, 18, 4, 31, 33, 64)
* Kahlil Greene ..... (0.240, 325, 78, 21, 16, 52, 18, 64)
* Kevin Kouzmanoff (0.238, 239, 57, 14, 9, 39, 20, 57)

The current starters are (W-L, ERA, G, IP, H, BB, SO):

* Chris Young ....... (8-3, 1.91, 18, 109.2, 76, 36, 107)
* Jake Peavy ......... (9-3, 2.19, 18, 119.0, 92, 34, 125)
* Justin Germano ..(6-3, 3.55, 12, 71.0, 64, 16, 37)
* David Wells ...... (4-5, 4.31, 17, 96.0, 115, 25, 55)
* Greg Maddux ..... (7-6, 4.35, 19, 113.2, 130, 19, 60)

The top relievers are (W-L, S, ERA, G, IP, H, BB, SO):

* Kevin Cameron ... (0-0, 0, 0.31, 21, 29.1, 17, 18, 24)
* Trevor Hoffman .. (2-3, 24, 1.91, 35, 33.0, 19, 6, 20)
* Heath Bell ........... (3-2, 0, 2.26, 44, 51.2, 36, 14, 53)
* Royce Ring ......... (1-0, 0, 2.38, 11, 11.1, 7, 8, 14)
* Scott Linebrink ... (202, 1, 2.61, 40, 41.1, 36, 11, 22)
* Doug Brocail ...... (2-1, 0., 2.79, 32, 38.2, 30, 13, 23)
* Cla Meredith ..... (3-5, 0, 3.48, 42, 44.0, 54, 9, 34)

The 4th of July

We had a very quiet 4th of July. I stayed home all day and worked on the computer - blogged a bit (at http://randysmusings.blogspot.com) about the Signers of the Declaration, pondered the meaning of the holiday, worked on my genealogy databases, and did some genealogy society coordination. Then I took a nap!

In the evening, Linda and I went down to the church for a picnic and a fireworks show. We took hot dogs and fruit (to share). There was a good spread provided by maybe 50 to 60 church members, with four barbecues going and lots of socializing. We sat at a table with Penny, who had the Padres game on her radio. I ate too much dessert - brownies and cupcakes and lemon cake and carrots.

Some folks played cards, some played a board game, many did "Find-the-President" and "Find-the-States" word games, and some of the kids played with balls and croquet on the grass. The biggest participation sport was talking to people who we see only on Sundays and getting caught up in their lives.

Just before 9 PM, the parking lot filled up with pickup trucks bringing lots of neighborhood people down to watch the fireworks show provided by the San Diego Country Club (in Chula Vista) just to the west of the church property.

The fireworks started at about 8:50 PM and went on for about 20 minutes. It was OK - good variety and many booms, but nothing really new to excite veteran fireworks aficionados like us. Oh well.

We went home and I stayed up reading on the Internet and then my latest novel while watching the news on our new big-screen TV.

It was a good day!