Computer Tech Support Goodies

From my email - thanks, Helen!

Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one.
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my DVD out !!!
Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the button ?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure it's really stuck.
Tech Support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute, I hadn't inserted it yet. It's still on my desk . . . sorry. Thank you.
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.Tech Support: Click on the 'MY COMPUTER' icon on the
left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left ?
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.Tech Support: Hello. How may I help you ?
Male Customer: Hi . . . I can't print.
Tech Support: Would you click on 'START' for me and . . ..
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me. I'm not Billi Gates !!!
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.Customer: Good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print. Every time I try, it says . . . 'CAN'T FIND PRINTER'. I even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it !!!
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Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech Support: Do you have a color printer ?
Customer: Aaaah . . . . . . . . . . thank you.
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.Tech Support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am ?
Customer: A teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11 store.
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.Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support: Are you sure your keyboard is plugged into the computer ?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and take ten steps backwards.
Customer: Okay.
Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you ?
Customer: Yes.
Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard ?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Wait a moment please. . . Ah, that one does work. Thanks!
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.Tech Support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number ' 7'.
Customer: Is that '7' in capital letters ?
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.Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech Support: Are you absolutely sure you used the correct password ?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my co-worker do it.
Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
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.Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech Support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.
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.Customer: I have a huge problem! My friend has placed a screen saver on my computer .. . . but every time I move my mouse, it disappears.
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.Tech Support: How may I help you ?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech Support: OK, and what seems to be the problem ?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it.
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.A woman customer called the Canon help desk because she had a problem with her printer.
Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting next to me is by a window, and his printer is working fine !
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Last, but not least....

Tech Support: Okay Cathy, press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now, type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a 'P'.
Tech Support: On your keyboard, Cathy.
Customer: What do you mean ?
Tech Support: 'P' . . . on your keyboard, Cathy.
Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT !!!