Just for grins ...
Saturday, February 17, 2024
The Lucky Pastor
Thursday, February 15, 2024
Wednesday, January 17, 2024
Friday, December 15, 2023
Wildest Christmas Story Ever
Monday, November 20, 2023
Sunday, November 19, 2023
Sunday, November 12, 2023
Friday, October 06, 2023
Why?????
From my friend Helen who copied it from someone else:
* Why is it when archaeologists find human remains, they always determine that they are either male or female and none of the other hundreds of genders?
* Why is it that so many are more outraged that Brittney Griner was stuck in Russia than they were about Americans being stranded in Afghanistan?
• How is it that the government can’t control gasoline prices…but the weather is something they can fix?
• We’re churning out a generation of poorly educated people with no skill, no ambition, no guidance, and no realistic expectations of what it means to go to work.—Mike Rowe
• If kids knew what they wanted to be at age eight, the world would be filled with cowboys and princesses. I wanted to be a pirate. Thank goodness nobody took me seriously and scheduled me for eye removal and peg leg surgery. —Bill Maher
• Why were we told to lower our AC usage on hot days to prevent overwhelming the electric grid while simultaneously being told to trade in our gas cars for electric vehicles?
• Why is canceling student debt a good idea? Does it make sense to reward people who do not honor their financial commitment by taxing the people who do?
• Does it make sense to cut off oil from an ally and buy it from an enemy who calls for your death?
• Are we living in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended?
• Is this a great description of America: Andy has left town and Barney is in charge?
• Why is talking sexually in the workplace considered sexual harassment to adults…but talking about sexuality to children K-3 at school is considered education?
• Who else had a ‘ministry of truth”…Hitler…Goebbels…Stalin...Mao
• Eliminating the production of 500,000 American barrels of oil a day to buy 500,000 barrels a day from Russia is simply…well…stupid.
• I saw a movie where only the police and military had guns; it was called Schindler’s List.
• If your electric car runs out of power on the interstate, do you walk to a charging station to get a bucket of electricity?
• Why are we running out of money for Social Security and Medicare and not for welfare, illegals and free college?
• I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted, it was for my lawn mower, but I'm trying to stay positive.
• There is a coin shortage. America is officially out of common sense.
• If a 17 year old isn’t mature enough to legally own a firearm or drink alcohol, then maybe five year olds aren’t mature enough to change their gender.
• Sign in Texas: "DON’T VOTE FOR WHAT YOU FLED!"
• Nobody called it “Toxic Masculinity" when we were saving the world.
• Mice die in mouse traps because they do not understand why the cheese is free. Just like socialism.
• The most powerful governments on earth can’t stop a virus from spreading…but they say they can change the earth’s temperature if you pay more taxes
• Want to stop drunk drivers from killing sober drivers? Ban sober drivers from driving. That’s how gun control and COVID lockdowns work.
• If you don’t want to stand for the national anthem, perhaps you should give your legs to a veteran who lost his. That way a real man can stand in your place.
• If socialism is so good and capitalism is so bad…then why aren’t the caravans heading to Venezuela?
History is not there for us to like or dislike. It is there for us to learn from. And if it offends you, even better…because then you are less likely to repeat it. It is not anyone’s to erase…it belongs to all of us.
Helen seems to be smarter and wiser than half our population!
Friday, September 01, 2023
Saturday, August 26, 2023
Victor Davis Hanson's "The Cultural Revolution"
Victor Davis Hanson: "We are in the middle of a cultural revolution."
If I said 10 years ago that in the future... nobody would believe it:
• Biological men compete in women's sports.
• Saying there are only two genders can get you fired.
• 2.3 million people illegally enter the country each year.
• Month-long elections are 70% mail-in ballots.
• BLM and Antifa destroyed neighborhoods for 120 days, causing $2 billion in damage, mostly going unpunished.
• The FBI, DOJ, and the corporate media framed Donald Trump as a Russian agent to rig the 2016 election.
• The CIA and the corporate media claimed that Hunter Biden's laptop was "Russian disinformation" to rig the 2020 election.
• The FBI and DOJ hid Hunter Biden's laptop, containing evidence of FARA violations, money laundering, and foreign bribes, to help Joe Biden become POTUS.
• The DHS, CISA, and the White House work with Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube to censor American citizens.
• The political establishment indicted their chief political rival during an election for a document dispute with NARA, a non-disclosure agreement with Stormy Daniels, and for asking Georgia's elected officials to investigate election fraud.
A decade ago, nobody would believe any of this would be possible. Yet, this is all happening as we live through a nation-destroying cultural revolution. Those who see these truths must denounce what is happening.
Thursday, April 13, 2023
Do you remember Mergatroyd?
Mergatroyd: Do you remember that word? Would you believe my spell-checker did not recognize the word, Mergatroyd? Heavens to Mergatroyd!
The other day a not so elderly lady (maybe 75) said something to her son about driving a jalopy, and he looked at her quizzically and said, "What the heck is a jalopy?" He had never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old ... but not that old.
Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle.
Thank you to whomever dug up these old expressions that have become obsolete because of the march of technology. These phrases included: Don't touch that dial; Carbon copy; You sound like a broken record; and Hung out to dry.
Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker, to straighten up and fly right. Heavens to Betsy! Gee willikers! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy Moley!
We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley. And don’t accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill: not for all the tea in China!
Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers. Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.
We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" or, "This is a fine kettle of fish!" we discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent as oxygen have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards. Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone.
Where have all those great phrases gone? Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper.
Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. Don't take any wooden nickels. So’s your old man.
It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has little liver pills.
Carter's Little Liver Pills are gone too! So see ya later, alligator! Okidoky.
WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF THE FABULOUS 50'S . NO ONE WILL EVER HAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY AGAIN … WE WERE GIVEN ONE OF OUR MOST PRECIOUS GIFTS: LIVING IN THE PEACEFUL AND COMFORTABLE TIMES CREATED FOR US BY THE "GREATEST GENERATION," GOD REST THEIR SOULS!
Saturday, May 07, 2022
The Cost and Benefits of Having Children
I received this in email back in 2006, so the cost is outdated, but the thoughts still apply:
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.
But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:* $8,896.66 a year,
* $741.38 a month, or
* $171.08 a week.
* That's a mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140?
* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs, and
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watching Saturday morning cartoons,
* going to Disney movies, and
* wishing on star's.
You get to:
* frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets
* collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas,
* receive hand prints set in clay or Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and
* coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
You get a front row seat to history to witness the:
* first step,
* first word,
* first day of school
* first bra,
* first date, and
* first time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits,
So, one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!
Love & enjoy your children and grandchildren!
Wednesday, April 27, 2022
The Land That Made Me, Me
I remember!
Saturday, April 02, 2022
Where to Retire?
My friend Helen finds the best funnies...
You can retire to Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot.
-OR-
You can retire to California where…
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
-OR-
You can retire to New York City where…
1 You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
-OR-
You can retire to Minnesota where…
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
-OR-
You can retire to The Deep South where.
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2 "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jim Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder.”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the end!
-OR-
You can move to Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail .
-OR-
You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where…
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end every sentence with the phrase, "Where's my coat at?”
-OR-
FINALLY you can retire to Florida where…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
Monday, March 21, 2022
The Green Thing?