We Live in a Bizarre World...

Thank you, Bill:

We are living in a Bizarre World

If a mentally-ill dude pretends to be a woman, you are required to pretend with him.

It’s un-American for the census to count how many Americans are in America.

Russians influencing our elections are bad, but Mexicans voting in our elections are good.

It was cool for Joe Biden to blackmail the President of Ukraine, but it’s an impeachable offense if Donald Trump inquires about it.

Twenty is too young to drink a beer, but eighteen is old enough to vote.

It’s wrong to steal, but it’s cool to demand that the government steal for you.

Citizens are fined if they don’t buy their own health insurance, and then they are forced to buy it for illegals.

People who have never owned slaves should pay slavery reparations to people who have never been slaves.

People who have never been to college should pay the debts of college students who took out huge loans for useless degrees.

Immigrants with tuberculosis and polio are welcome, but you’d better be able to prove your dog is vaccinated.

Irish doctors and German engineers who want to immigrate must go through a rigorous vetting process, but any illiterate Central-American gang-banger who jumps the southern fence is welcome.

We demand that the government be in control of our health care, but then we are outraged when the government makes our health care decisions.

$5 billion for border security is too expensive, but $1.5 trillion for “free” health care for illegals is not.

If you cheat to get into college you go to prison, but if you cheat to get into the country you go to college for free.

People who say there is no such thing as gender are demanding a female President.

It’s terrible when the President says that Puerto Rico’s politicians are corrupt, but it’s wonderful when Puerto Rico’s politicians are kicked out of office for corruption.

We see other countries going Socialist and collapsing, and it seems like a great plan to us.

Some people are held responsible for things that happened before they were born, and other people are not held responsible for what they are doing right now.

Ten Years Ago I Was a Regular Person ...

I WAS A REGULAR PERSON

 I used to think I was just a regular person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist & responsible for slavery.

I am a fiscal & moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist because I plan and support myself.

I went to HS, worked through college, got a degree and have held a job, & am here not because I earned it but because I was advantaged.

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and ally of big business.

I am not a Muslim, which labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which makes me a member of the vast NRA gun lobby.

I am older than 65 and retired, making me a useless old man who doesn't understand Facebook.

I think and I reason, so I doubt what the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, making me a xenophobe.

I value my safety & that of my family, and I appreciate the police and the legal system, making me a right-wing, cop loving extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort - not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.

I believe in the defense and protection of America for and by all citizens, now making me a militant.

I am proud of our flag, what it stands for, and the many who died to let it fly so I stand and salute during our National Anthem, taking me back where I started - I must be a racist.

Please help me come to terms with the new me because I'm just not sure who  I am anymore!

I thank my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new-found changes to my thinking!

I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly!

Funny - it all took place over the last 9 or 10 years!

If all this nonsense wasn't enough to deal with, now I don't even know which restroom to use, and I gotta go...........FREQUENTLY !!!!!!!!

On top of that  now I find out it is immoral  to be rich and someone in authority  needs to determine just how much you  should have.

The Stella Awards

Helen passed this along to me.

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee.  You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?
That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy. 

Here are the seven Stellas for this year:

*SEVENTH PLACE * 

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after  breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son. 
*SIXTH PLACE * 

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbour’s hubcaps. 

*FIFTH PLACE * 

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut.  Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish.  Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.  We should all have this kind of anguish.

There are more... 

*FOURTH PLACE * 

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he  was   awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbour’s beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for [sigh] because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

*THIRD PLACE * 

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.  

*SECOND PLACE* 

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure. 

*FIRST PLACE * 

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home.  On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's  manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise  control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? . . . $1,750,000.  PLUS a new motor home.  Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski

has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.