An interesting observation...

 

Brady's Jersey Found!

Heh.

An Interesting Observation

Why is Golf Better Than Sex?

From my email...

A top ten list...

10… A below par performance is considered damn good.

9…. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

8…. It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.

7…. Foursomes are encouraged.

6…. You can still make money doing it as a senior.

5…. Three times a day is possible.

4…. Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

3…. If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.

2…. You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex…..
1…. When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

Jobs and Balls

From my email:

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL

2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL

4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL

5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become

Blondes and Football

From my email, thanks, Helen:

Out of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best --

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'

'I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!'

Are You Ready for Football?

From my email...

(1) What does the average Univ. of Florida player get on his SATs?……..Drool.

(2) What do you get when you put 32 West Virginia cheerleaders in one room?……..A full set of teeth.

(3) How do you get a Nebraska cheerleader into your dorm room?……..Grease her hips and push.

(4) How do you get an Ohio State graduate off your porch?………Pay him for the pizza.

(5) How do you know if an Alabama football player has a girlfriend?……There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.

(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?….Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

(7) What are the longest three years of a Texas Longhorn football player’s life?……..His freshman year.

(8) How many Oklahoma freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?……..None. That’s a sophomore course.

(9) Where was O. J. Headed in the white Bronco?……. Durham , North Carolina. He knew that the police would never look at Duke for a Heisman Trophy winner.

10. How do you keep an FSU football player out of your front yard?Erect a goal post!
AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal clash)…..

(11) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?……..You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

Three Old Ladies from Texas

This is a detective story so Pay Close Attention!!! ..

Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game. ...

They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ball park. ....

The game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely...

mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks. .....

Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go. ......

Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?

Think! Think some more!!

You're gonna love it (scroll down for the answer)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded!

"Senor, your parrot is dead ..."

It's barely dawn and the telephone rings:

'Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.'

'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'

'Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead'

'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?'

'Si, Senor, that's the one.'

'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'

'From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.'

'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'

'Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'

'Dead horse? What dead horse?'

'The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.'

'My prize thoroughbred is dead?'

'Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.'

'Are you insane?? What water cart?'

'The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'

'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man?'

'The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'

'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?'

'Yes, Senor Rod.'

'But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?'

'For the funeral, Senor Rod.'

'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?'

'Your wife's, Senor Rod', she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Taylormade Super Quad 460 golf club.'

SILENCE . . . . . . . . . . .

LONG SILENCE . . . . . . . . . .

'Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep s**t!'

Padres 2008 outlook

The baseball season has sort of snuck up on me, mainly because of all of the trips to Santa Cruz in recent months and the daily genealogy activities I participate in. The exhibition games have been on the radio and a few on TV, but I haven't listened or watched any of them. We did go to the exhibition game on Friday against the Angels, winning 4-1 in a well pitched game.

It seems to me that the Padres have not improved any part of their team since last season. I will address each area below:

* Starting pitching - Jake Peavy (19-6), Chris Young (9-8, DL) and Greg Maddux (14-11) form the nucleus of the staff. Randy Wolf (new, 9-6 with LA Dodgers, DL) is the #4 and Justin Germano (7-10) starts out as #5. Shawn Estes (DL in 2007), Clay Hensley, Tim Stauffer and Mark Prior (new, DL with Cubs) start on the disabled list or in the minors as backups during the season. This was a B-rated staff last year - I think it is B-rated again, and will keep the team in low scoring games.

* Relief pitching - Trevor Hoffman, Heath Bell, Cla Meredith, Glendon Rusch (new, DL in 2007), Wil Ledezma (ineffective in 2007), Joe Thatcher (decent in 2007) and Enrique Gonzalez (new). The Pads lost Doug Brocail and several others - this was B-rated last year, I think it's C-rated now because of the unpredicatable Rusch, Ledezma and Gonzalez. There are several young arms in the minors and on the DL (e.g., Kevin Cameron). The question many fans have is if Trevor Hoffman can stay on top of his game and deliver 40 or more saves with 5 or fewer blown saves (he had 8 in 2007).

* Catching - Josh Bard (0.285, 5 HR, 51 RBI) and Michael Barrett (0.226, 0 HR with Padres). The "catching" part is fine - the throwing part isn't - worst in the league last year. Barrett's had a fine spring, and hopefully these guys can generate some power and maintain a BA and throw out some runners. They were C-rated last year, could be B-rated this year.

* Infield - Adrian Gonzalez at 1B (0.282, 30 KH, 90 RBI) is excellent offensively and defensively. Tony Clark is the backup 1B (was with Arizona last year) and becomes the prime pinch hitter. Tadahito Iguchi at 2B (with Chisox and Phillies last year) replaces Marcus Giles and Geoff Blum. Kahlil Greene provides excellent defense and power (0.254, 27 HR, 97 RBIs) and will continue to improve if he stays healthy. Kevin Kouzmanoff improved defensively and offensively as 2007 progressed (0.275, 18 HR, 74 RBI). Speedy Callix Crabbe will provide infield backup. This was a B-rated group last year, and will be B-rated (or possibly A-rated) if they stay healthy and improve.

* Outfield - Brian Giles is in RF and will contribute if he stays healthy. He had 13 HR and 51 RBI in 2007 but was on the DL for 34 games. Scott Hairston starts in CF where he's never played before. He hit well for the Padres in 2007 when he played. Paul McAnulty starts the season in LF out of minor league options. Jim Edmonds was the major acquisition this year and is on the DL. If he plays it will be in CF, with Hairston going to LF. Jody Gerut and Justin Huber are the backups. The 2007 group of Milton Bradley, Mike Cameron and Brian Giles was B-rated; this years starters are D-rated until they show that they've improved. The Padres need great defense, more power and fewer strikeouts from the outfielders.

* Coaching Staff -- Bud Black returns as manager, with Darren Balsley as pitching coach, Wally Joyner as hitting coach, Glenn Hoffman as 3rd base coach, Rick Renteria as 1st base coach, and Craig Colbert as bench coach. This was an A-rated group last year, and should stay A-rated.

While the Padres haven't measurable improved the team from the 2007 team that went 89-73, their Western Division rivals have improved, especially the Dodgers and D-backs. The division should be tight again - 90 wins probably takes it. I project the Padres winning 87 and losing 75, with many one-run games (good pitching, weak hitting). Injuries could make it worse, and timely hitting and improvement by Hairston, McAnulty, Barrett and Gerut may lift the team to 90 wins or more.

UPDATED 4/1 to fix minor errors (the U-T had some coaches wrong!).

Softball in Heaven?

Two 90-year-old women,Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.

One day Barb said, "Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played it all through high school. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there."

Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed, "Barb,you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her," Barb,Barb."

"Who is it?' asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Barb --it's me, Rose."

"You're not Rose. Rose just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Rose," insisted the voice.

"Rose! Where are you?"

"In Heaven,' replied Rose. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," said Barb.

"The good news,' Rose said, "is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," said Barb. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching Tuesday."

Norwegians In Minnesota

Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Duluth. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere." says Sven. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pays for the birds, leave the shop and get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Two Harbors.

At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and> says: "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me."

VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!

Moments later Knute who's been to the pet shop too, arrives at the cliffs. He walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag and a shotgun. "Hey, Ole. Vatch dis." He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff.

Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot and continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."

BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE, you betcha!!

Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag and pulls out a chicken. Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down and hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Ole shakes his head...."First der was Sven with his budgie jumping, den Knute parrotshooting.,.and now Lars hengliding....."

NFL Picks - Week 14

I was 8-8 in Week 13 picking winners (Las Vegas was 10-4-2), and I hit only 2 of the 6 upsets I picked. I am 113-79 (58.8%) on the season.

My Chargers played well enough to beat Kansas City 24-10. I predicted Chargers 20-16 over the Chiefs. The Bolts turned several long plays into touchdowns, but had trouble sustaining drives on offense. Tomlinson had several long runs, but Rivers was only 10-21. The defense played better - they had 8 sacks at KC could not protect the passer, who could find only Tony Gonzalez to catch the ball. This week the Chargers go to Tennessee, who is also 7-5 after beating Houston last week. They are like the Chargers - a decent defense with a suspect offense. The Titans are favored by 1.5. My prediction is that it will be close game - I'll say Chargers 21-17 over the Titans.

Here are my week 14 picks (winners, home team denoted with an H):

Chicago (5-7) over Washington (5-7) (H)
San Diego (7-5) over Tennessee (7-5) (H)
Jacksonville (8-4) (H) over Carolina (5-7)
Dallas (11-1) over Detroit (6-6) (H)
Buffalo (6-6) (H) over Miami (0-12)
NY Giants (8-4) over Philadelphia (5-7) (H)
Green Bay (10-2) (H) over Oakland (4-8)
New England (12-0) (H) over Pittsburgh (9-3)
Cincinnati (4-8) (H) over St. Louis (3-9)
Tampa Bay (8-4) over Houston (5-7) (H)
Seattle (8-4) (H) over Arizona (6-6)
Minnesota (6-6) over San Francisco (3-9) (H)
Cleveland (7-5) over NY Jets (3-9) (H)
Denver (5-7) (H) over Kansas City (4-8)
Indianapolis (10-2) over Baltimore (4-8) (H)
New Orleans (5-7) over Atlanta (3-9) (H)

I picked Chicago (+3), San Diego (+1.5), and NY Giants (+3) as upsets this week. I picked only 7 home teams (Las Vegas picked 10). This is a critical week for Chicago, Washington, Tennessee, Arizona, Detroit, Philadelphia, New Orleans, Baltimore, Denver and Cleveland as far as playoff spots go.

Here are my 32 team power ratings (my estimates based on won-lost record and point differential) after 12 games:

1. New England (12-0) ........... PR = 37
2. Dallas (11-1) ........................ PR = 33
3. Green Bay (10-2) ................ PR = 30
4. Indianapolis (10-2) ............ PR = 30
5. Pittsburgh (9-3) ................. PR = 28

6. Jacksonville (8-4) .............. PR = 26
7. Seattle (8-4) ...................... PR = 25
8. Tampa Bay (8-4) .............. PR = 25
9. New York Giants (8-4) ..... PR = 23
10. San Diego (7-5) ............... PR = 23

11. Tennessee (7-5) ............... PR = 22
12. Minnesota (6-6) ............. PR = 21
13. Cleveland (7-5) ................ PR = 21
14. Arizona (6-6) .................. PR = 20
15. Buffalo (6-6) ................... PR = 19

16. Philadelphia (5-7) .......... PR = 18
17. Washington (5-7) ........... PR = 18
18. Chicago (5-7) .................. PR = 17
19. Denver (5-7) .................... PR = 17
20. Detroit (6-6) .................. PR = 17

21. Carolina (5-7) ................ PR = 17
22. New Orleans (5-7) ........ PR = 17
23. Houston (5-7) ............... PR = 17
24. Baltimore (4-8) ............ PR = 16
25. Kansas City (4-8) ......... PR = 16

26. Cincinnati (4-8) ........... PR = 16
27. Oakland (4-8) ............. PR = 15
28. St. Louis (3-9) ............. PR = 13
29. NY Jets (3-9) .............. PR = 12
30. Atlanta (3-9) ................ PR = 12

31. San Francisco (3-9) .... PR = 11
32. Miami (0-12) .............. PR = 9

Can you Putt?

Here's a little time wasting game that is addictive, especially if you think you are the world's greatest putter.

Check it out at http://www.matchpractice.com:80/game/.

My high score was 6 straight putts made. It took awhile.

Tell me if you can beat my score.

NFL Picks - Week 9

Week 8 was just an average week for my picks - I was 9-4 in Week 8 picking winners, and hit 3 of the 5 upsets I picked. I am 71-45 (61%) on the season.

My favorite team whopped the Houston Texans 35-3 in the first half and then played defense in the second half, ending at 35-10. My guess was Chargers 37-17 - I was pretty close.

This week, the Bolts travel to Minnesota for a 10 AM game. The Vikings have a good running game, but their QBs are hurting. Their defense against the run is good, but their pass defense isn't. My prediction is a Chargers win - 27-13.

Here are my week 9 picks (winners, home team denoted with an H):

San Diego (4-3) over Minnesota (2-5) (H)
Washington (4-3) over NY Jets (1-7) (H)
Kansas City (4-3) (H) over Green Bay (6-1)
Tampa Bay (4-4) (H) over Arizona (3-4)
Tennessee (5-2) (H) over Carolina (4-3)
San Francisco (2-5) over Atlanta (1-6) (H)
Jacksonville (5-2) over New Orleans (3-4) (H)
Denver (3-4) over Detroit (5-2) (H)
Buffalo (3-4) (H) over Cincinnati (2-5)
Seattle (4-3) over Cleveland (4-3) (H)
New England (8-0) over Indianapolis (7-0) (H)
Oakland (2-5) (H) over Houston (3-5)
Philadelphia (3-4) (H) over Dallas (6-1)
Pittsburgh (5-2) (H) over Baltimore (4-3)

There are a lot of close point spreads this week. I picked San Francisco (+3), Jacksonville (+3.5), Denver (+3), Buffalo (+1), Seattle (+1.5) and Philadelphia (+3.5) against the spread. I picked 7 home teams.

My Top 10 after 8 weeks:

1. New England (8-0)
2. Indianapolis (7-0)
3. Dallas (6-1)
4. Green Bay (6-1)
5. Pittsburgh (5-2)
6. New York Giants (6-2)
7. Tennessee (5-2)
8. Jacksonville (5-2)
9. San Diego (4-3)
10. Kansas City (4-3)

The bottom 5:

28. San Francisco (2-5)
29. NY Jets (1-7)
30. Atlanta (1-6)
31. St. Louis (0-8)
32. Miami (0-8)

NFL Picks - Week 8

Week 7 was just an average week for my picks - I was 10-4 in Week 7 picking winners, but hit only 2 of the 5 upsets I picked. I am 62-41 (60%) on the season.

My favorite team didn't play. This week, the Bolts play the Houston Texans - but we don't know where due to the fire situation. It probably doesn't matter- Houston may have to start their second-string QB - Sage Rosenfels. I'm guessing that the Chargers will win, say 37-17.

Here are my week 8 picks (winners, home team denoted with an H):

San Diego (3-3) (H) over Houston (3-3).
St. Louis (0-7) (H) over Cleveland. (3-3).
Chicago (2-4) (H) over Detroit (4-2)
Indianapolis (6-0) over Carolina (4-2) (H)
NY Giants (5-2) over Miami (0-7) at London.
Tennessee (4-2) (H) over Oakland (2-4)
Minnesota (2-4) (H) over Philadelphia (2-4)
Pittsburgh (4-2) over Cincinnati (2-4) (H)
Buffalo (2-4) over NY Jets (1-6) (H)
Tampa Bay (4-3) (H) over Jacksonville (4-2)
New Orleans (2-4) over San Francisco (2-4) (H)
New England (7-0) (H) over Washington (4-2)
Green Bay (5-1) over Denver (3-3) (H)

There are a lot of close games this week. I picked St. Louis, Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, and Green Bay against the spread.

My Top 10 after 7 weeks:

1. New England (7-0)
2. Indianapolis (6-0)
3. Dallas (6-1)
4. Green Bay (5-1)
5. Pittsburgh (4-2)
6. New York Giants (5-2)
7. Tennessee (4-2)
8. Jacksonville (4-2)
9. Tampa Bay (4-3)
10. Kansas City (4-3)

The bottom 5:

28. Buffalo (2-4)
29. NY Jets (1-6)
30. Atlanta (1-6)
31. St. Louis (0-7)
32. Miami (0-7)

The Worst Sports Weekend Ever?

Has there ever been a worse sports weekend for San Diego, or for any city, for that matter?

Let's recap.

SATURDAY:

* The Padres need to win one of the last two games against the Brewers in order to clinch a playoff spot. We lead 3-2 into the 9th inning with Trevor Hoffman on the mound ... and Tony Gwynn Jr triples to tie the game. The Pads lose 4-3 in 11 innings.

* The San Diego State Aztecs get their lunch handed to them by Cincinnati Bearcats - 52-23, and it wasn't that close. Aztecs are now 1-3 with the real prospect of being 1-11 at the end of the season.

SUNDAY:

* The Padres still need to win one to get in. They lead 4-2 in the 4th inning, but the Brewers score a bunch to win 9-5. What a terrible game. But wait, the Rockies win to tie the Padres at 89-73, forcing a one-game play-in in Denver on Monday to determine the wild card team.

* The Chargers really need to win a game, entering this weekend 1-2 after two poor games in New England and Green Bay. The anticipation for the season was REALLY HIGH ... The Kansas City Chiefs show up and play us tough in the first half, but the Bolts lead 16-6 at half time. The offense clicked fairly well, and the defense was better than the last two weeks. In the second half, the Chiefs outscore the Bolts 24-0, with two offensive TDs and a fumble return. The Bolts were terrible on offense in the 2nd half - couldn't run and couldn't complete a pass, with a dropped touchdown and two more turnovers. The defense was worse, as Damon Huard burned them with passes. So the Bolts are 1-3 in a dismal season. The fans are calling for Norv Turner's head. Does the coaching staff make that much difference? Apparently! Can the season be saved? Only by winning about 5 in a row now.

MONDAY:

* The Padres are in Denver to play the Rockies in the play-in game. The winner gets to play Philadelphia, and the loser goes home whining. The Padres ace, Jake Peavy, is starting against Josh Fogg, the Rox #5 starter. The Rox quickly score 3 runs on Peavy, but then Adrian Gonzalez hits a grand slam in the 3rd and the Pads are ahead 5-3. The Rox score three more off Peavy over the next 4 innings to go ahead 6-5. In the 8th, the Padres score on a misplayed fly ball in LF to tie the game. The relievers for both teams do a good job until the 13th inning. The Pads score 2 on a Scott Hairston home run, then call on Trevor Hoffman to save the game and take us into the playoffs. Well, Trevor doesn't save. Three long hits and a sacrifice fly brings home 3 runs and the Rockies win 9-8. Of course, the 9th run really didn't score ... the runner missed the plate but the catcher dropped the ball and the umpire, screened from seeing any part of the plate, calls him safe. I'm whining... I've earned it.

So was this the worst sports weekend in San Diego ever? What other city has experienced something this bad in one weekend?

San Diego is #8?

Fox sports has an article about the Top 10 Cities with the longest suffering sports championship drought. San Diego is listed as #8.

The Top 10 are:

1. Buffalo (won 1964 and 1965 AFL championship)

2. Cleveland (won 1964 NFL Championship)

3. Seattle (no champs in major sports)

4. Philadelphia (76ers won in 1983 in NBA)

5. Milwaukee (Bucks won NBA in 1971)

6. Minneapolis/St. Paul (Twins won in 1991)

7. Cincinnati (Reds won MLB in 1976 and 1990)

8. San Diego (Chargers won AFL in 1963)

9. Kansas City (Royals won MLB in 1989, Chiefs won NFL in 1969)

10. New Orleans (won nada in major sports)

It seems to me the list should be Seattle, New Orleans, San Diego, Cleveland, Buffalo, Milwaukee, Cincinnati, Philadelphia, Kansas City, Twin Cities.

We long-suffering Chargers/Padres fans know how bad it has been over the last 47 years. We thought we had an NFL champ this year and the defense let us down. The Pads have knocked on the door several times now, but can't break through. Hope does spring eternal here.

At least we don't have the dark, snow, cold, ice, sleet, rain, etc. that the northern cities do.