Sunday, August 10, 2014

Beard Facts


I would add:

*  Keeps the chin warm

*  Hides a weak chin

*  Makes shaving much faster

*  Small children wonder if you're really Santa Claus




Sunday, July 27, 2014

A Retiree's Last Trip to CostCo

From my email ... thanks, Susi:

 Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs.

I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.  What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy  things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Sticks and Stones ...

Looks like an oxy-moron to me...


Nice to know what they think of those who are not tolerant liberals...

This explains a lot...


Well, yeah, at least on the Senate side.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Friday, July 18, 2014

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

If Harry Reid Had Lived in 1812...


Harry Reid is a joke...and a fool.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Who said these things?

There's Six trivia questions to see how much history you really know.  Be honest, it's kind of fun and revealing.  If you don't know the answer make your best guess.  Answer all of the questions (no cheating!!!) before looking at the answers.

1) "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

A.. Karl Marx       B. Adolph Hitler      C. Joseph Stalin            D. Barack Obama        E. None of the above

2) "It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few...... And to replace it with shared responsibility, for shared prosperity."


A. Lenin            B. Mussolini            C. Idi Amin        D. Barack Obama            E. None of the above

3) "(We).....can't just let business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from some people."


A. Nikita  Khrushev     B.  Joseph Goebbels     C. Boris Yeltsin     D.  Barack Obama     E. None of the above

4) "We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to give up a little bit of their own ... in order to create this common ground."

A.. Mao Tse Tung       B. Hugo Chavez     C. Kim Jong II       D. Barack Obama          E. None of the above

5) "I certainly think the free-market has failed."


A..  Karl Marx            B. Lenin        C. Molotov            D. Barack Obama            E. None of the above

6) "I think it's time to send a clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being watched."

A.. Pinochet        B. Milosevic     C. Saddam Hussein       D. Barack Obama E. None of the above
________________________________________

Scroll down for answers
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..

And the answers  are  -----------

1)   E. None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/29/2004

2)   E. None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 5/29/2007

3)  E. None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007

4)   E. None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007

5 ) E None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007

6). E. None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 9/2/2005


How many did you get right?

Saturday, July 05, 2014

Thursday, July 03, 2014

Who Should Pay for Stuff?

The right idea...


Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Why Voter ID?

This makes too much sense to happen in the USA...


Sunday, June 29, 2014

Engineering Flowchart

This works for me:


Saturday, June 14, 2014

Acyrologia Defined

Know anyone who has this "disease"?


How many cases of acyrologia did you see in the chart?  I found 19 of them.  hat were they?

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.  One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant
  
   Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he promised that he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.  Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
  
   She agreed, but she asked how he would know when the baby was born.  To keep it discreet, he advised her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti on the back.  He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
  
   One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife. Honey, she said, You received a very strange post card today.
  
   Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later, he replied.  The wife obeyed, and watched her husband as he read the card.  He turned white and fainted
  
   On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.  Three with meatballs.  Two without.  Send extra sauce.



   

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Mounds and Almond Joy


Cute picture:


Friday, May 23, 2014

Conundrums?? Irony??



The definition of Conundrum is "something that is puzzling or confusing."

Here are six Conundrums of socialism in the United States of America:

1. America is capitalist and greedy - yet half of the population is subsidized.

2. Half of the population is subsidized - yet they think they are victims.

3. They think they are victims - yet their representatives run the government.

4. Their representatives run the government - yet the poor keep getting poorer.

5. The poor keep getting poorer - yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.

6. They have things that people in other countries only dream about - yet they want America to be more like those other countries. Think about it!

And that, my friends, pretty much sums up the USA in the 21st Century.

Lesson on Irony:

These three statements tell you a lot about our culture and our government:

1. We are advised to NOT judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics,
but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few  lunatics. Funny how that works.

2. We constantly hear about how Social Security is going to run out of money. How come we never hear about welfare running out of money? What's
interesting is the first group "worked for" their money, but the second didn't.

3. The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever to 47 million people, as of the most recent figures available in 2013.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department
of the Interior, asks us "Please Do Not Feed the Animals."  The stated reason for this policy is because:
 "The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves."

Well Duh???
  
Thus Ends Today's Lesson On Irony!!

Saturday, May 03, 2014

The Math Test



Wednesday, April 30, 2014

What Really Happened after Benghazi - One Well-Documented Theory

The Conservative TreeHouse blog article titled Benghazi Follow-Up: Who Told Ben Rhodes To Lie About U-Tube Video ? Our Research Provides The Answer… provides one fairly well-documented answer to the question.


These amateur sleuths do a better job at journalism than any mainline media organization IMHO.

  

Sunday, April 06, 2014

Dating Ads for Seniors Found in Florida Newspapers

You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of
anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in
''The Villages'' Florida newspaper. (Who says seniors don't have
a sense of humor?)

FOXY LADY :
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'),
Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
----------------------------------------------------

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT :
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness,
fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
----------------------------------------------------

SERENITY NOW :
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and
meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together,
take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
----------------------------------------------------

WINNING SMILE :
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser
to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
----------------------------------------------------

BEATLES OR STONES ?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on
Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen,
let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
----------------------------------------------------

MEMORIES :
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember FridaySaturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads
together.
----------------------------------------------------

My favorite…

MINT CONDITION :
Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair,
many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Canada's Top Ten List of American Stupidity

10) Only in America ... could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000.00 a plate campaign fund-raising event. 

9) Only in America ... could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when they have a black President, a black Attorney General and roughly 20% of the federal work force is black while only 14% of the population is black.  40+% of all federal entitlements go to black Americans at 3X the rate that go to whites, 5X the rate that go to Hispanics!

8) Only in America ... could they have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner (the head of the Treasury Department) and Charles Rangel (who once ran the Ways and Means Committee), BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.

7) Only in America ... can they have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.

6) Only in America ... would they make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege, while they discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just 'magically' become American citizens.

5) Only in America ... could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country's Constitution be thought of as "extremists."

4) Only in America ... could you need to present a driver's license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.

3) Only in America ... could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of a company making tennis shoes (Nike).

2) Only in America ... could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a Trillion dollars more than it has per year - for total spending of $7-Million PER MINUTE, and complain that it doesn't have nearly enough money.

1) Only in America ... could the rich people - who pay 86% of all income taxes - be accused of not paying their "fair share" by people who don't pay any income taxes at all!