Thursday, July 18, 2019

Monday, July 15, 2019

The Free Speech Cafe


This is so right on -- it will not end well for them.

Tuesday, May 07, 2019

It only took 18 Years...


There's a message here for the USA...

Friday, May 03, 2019

Dead Penguins

Thank you, Helen!


Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Best of the Fake News Cartoons 2


They left off many of my favorites.  Who the heck is Molly McKew?  Where is James Comey on this list?

I pick Michael Avenatti as worst of the worst over John Brennan.

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Best of the Fake News Cartoons


Yep, all the fake news fit to print!!!

Heh.

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Hooters

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

“Where you wanna go?”

“Hooters.”

“Why Hooters?”

“They have those servers with the beautiful bosoms, the tight shorts, and the gorgeous legs.”

“You’re on.”

At age 42, they meet and play golf again.

“Where you wanna go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Again? Why?”

“They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games.”

“OK.”

At age 52 they meet and play again. “So where you wanna go for lunch?”

“Hooters.

“Why?”

“The food is pretty good and there’s plenty of parking.”

“OK.”

At age 62 they meet again.

After a round of golf, one says, “Where you wanna go?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“Wings are half price and the food isn’t too spicy.”

“Good choice”

At age 72 they meet again.

Once again, after a round of golf, one says, “Where shall we go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts.”

“Great choice.”

At age 82 they meet and play again. “Where should we go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ve never been there before.”

“Okay.”

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Bud The Montana Cowboy

 A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana   when suddenly a brand-new 2015 BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man named Cliff in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

 Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?" 

 The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple iPhone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on  his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. 

 The young man then opens the digital photo  in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.  Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple iPad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then  accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Galaxy S5® and, after a few minutes, receives a response. 

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the  cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." 

 "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud 

 He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. 

 Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I  can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" 

 The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" 

 "You're a Congressman for the  U.S.  Government", says Bud. 

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?" 

 "No  guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a  question I never asked You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know sh*t about  how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a  herd of sheep”

Monday, February 11, 2019

Calling a PCUSA Pastor Takes Awhile

We are members of the Chula Vista Presbyterian Church in the San Diego, California Presbytery, a PCUSA denominational church.

Our pastor, Rev. Bob Davis, has been called to the Carson city, Nevada Presbyterian Church, and preached his last sermon on Sunday, 10 February.  We had a celebration of his service after the worship service on 10 February.

Many people have asked me "what do we do now?  How do we select another pastor?"

The CVPC website has an article about the process in Announcements, copied below:

======================================================

Steps In Transition
 1. Congregational Meeting: the congregation will vote on the motion to concur with the pastor’s request to dissolve the pastoral relationship. (January 27, 2019 at the annual meeting.)
2. Last Sunday preaching: (February 10, 2019).
3. Last day in the office: (February 14, 2019)
4. Temporary pastor (preaching only) that the leaving pastor will have arranged. (February 17 and 24.)
5. Session meets. The Committee on Ministry will assign a moderator for that meeting. The clerk of session should contact the Chair of the Committee on Ministry to make sure this detail is covered. (February 26)
 a. Session will begin discussing the selection of an Interim Pastor Nominating Committee (IPNC), job description and compensation package. This discussion begins after the last Sunday that the leaving pastor is in the pulpit. The COM will have to approve the job description and compensation package before the IPNC begins interviewing potential Interim candidates.
 b. They will also discuss the formation of a Mission Study team.  The completion of a mission study is a mandatory step in the process.
6. Temporary pastors are normally arranged by the leaving pastor for one or two months; after which the Committee on Ministry will assign until an Interim has been selected and a contract established.
7. Session meets. The Committee on Ministry will assign a moderator for that meeting, again, contingent upon an Interim being selected and a contract established. A Mission Study Team should be elected. (March 26)
8. April 7, April 14 (Palm Sunday), April 18 (Maundy Thursday), April 21 (Easter) – The Committee on Ministry will assign temporary pastors from this point until (or unless) an Interim is selected.
9. Going forward:
 a. The Mission Study needs to be completed. This team will work with a liaison from the Committee on Ministry (Chris Lenocker). The liaison will guide them through the process. After the Mission Study is complete, it is submitted to COM for approval.
 b. A Pastor Nominating Team will need to be elected. The slate for the Pastor Nominating Team will be presented by the congregation’s Nominating Committee because it is an action of the congregation (in contrast to the IPNC, which is a function of the session).
 c. The Pastor Nominating Team will translate the Mission Study into the Ministry Information Form (MIF) required for posting on the denomination’s Church Leadership Connection (CLC). The MIF is submitted to COM for approval prior to posting.
 d. Once the MIF is posted, the PNC operates as a search committee. They receive Personal Information Forms (PIF’s) which are the Presbyterian version of resumes or curriculum vitaes.
 e. When the PNC has narrowed the candidates down to a few, they will contact COM for preliminary vetting. The PNC is likely to view candidates in a neutral pulpit. 
 f. When a candidate is identified, a call is extended including job description and terms. When the candidate accepts, COM will have representatives meet with the individual to “credential” them. That will take place prior to the individual preaching a candidate sermon. (The “credentialing” is waived if the candidate is already a member in good standing of San Diego Presbytery.)
 g. The candidate is presented to the congregation. The candidate preaches a sermon for the congregation. A congregational meeting follows to vote on the candidate and the terms of call.
 h. Upon approval of the congregation, the candidate is presented to the presbytery for examination. (This takes place regardless of whether the candidate is a member in good standing of San Diego Presbytery).
 i. The final step of the process is the installation service for the called pastor. The installation is an act of San Diego Presbytery. An administrative commission is formed by recommendation of the called pastor, presented to Presbytery for approval by the Committee on Ministry.   
 =========================================
So how long will this take?  
I was the chair of the Pastor Nominating Committee that called Associate Pastor Jim Rauch to CVPC in 1987.  That took at least two years.
I was a member of the Pastor Nominating Committee that called Senior Pastor Paul Fisher to CVPC in 1998 (?).  That took at least two years.
Two to three years seems to be the norm for this process.  The Mission Study takes awhile (6 to 12 months), the PNC process takes another year or two.  

New Global Warming Standard Unit - the CFU


Tuesday, February 05, 2019

Another Way to Calculate Pi

A fascinating video:


Friday, February 01, 2019

Ten Years Ago I Was a Regular Person ...

I WAS A REGULAR PERSON
 I used to think I was just a regular person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist & responsible for slavery.

I am a fiscal & moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist because I plan and support myself.

I went to HS, worked through college, got a degree and have held a job, & am here not because I earned it but because I was advantaged.

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and ally of big business.

I am not a Muslim, which labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which makes me a member of the vast NRA gun lobby.

I am older than 65 and retired, making me a useless old man who doesn't understand Facebook.

I think and I reason, so I doubt what the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, making me a xenophobe.

I value my safety & that of my family, and I appreciate the police and the legal system, making me a right-wing, cop loving extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort - not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.

I believe in the defense and protection of America for and by all citizens, now making me a militant.

I am proud of our flag, what it stands for, and the many who died to let it fly so I stand and salute during our National Anthem, taking me back where I started - I must be a racist.

Please help me come to terms with the new me because I'm just not sure who  I am anymore!

I thank my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new-found changes to my thinking!

I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly!

Funny - it all took place over the last 9 or 10 years!

If all this nonsense wasn't enough to deal with, now I don't even know which restroom to use, and I gotta go...........FREQUENTLY !!!!!!!!

On top of that  now I find out it is immoral  to be rich and someone in authority  needs to determine just how much you  should have.

Thursday, January 03, 2019

Getting Old is Great...

GETTING OLD

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. 
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. 
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. 
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. 
Old age is coming at a really bad time. 
When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation. 
The biggest lie I tell myself is ”I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." 
I don’t have gray hair; the very few hairs I have are "wisdom highlights"! 
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees. 
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet. 
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? 
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. 
At my age “Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for. 
Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and   my own car The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne. 
Life is great. 
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names. 
Now, I’m wondering: did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Saturday, December 08, 2018

Offensive Christmas Songs?

Some persons are offended by the Christmas season song Baby it’s Cold Outside.
What about these Christmas songs?  Anyone else offended?
1. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: subjecting minors to softcore porn.
2The Christmas Song: Open fire?  Pollution. Folks dressed up like Eskimos? Cultural appropriation.
3. Holly Jolly Christmas: Kiss her once for me? Unwanted advances.
4. White Christmas: Racist.
5. Santa Claus is Coming to Town: Sees you when you’re sleeping? Knows when you’re awake? Peeping Tom/stalker.
6. Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Everyone telling you be of good cheer? Forced to hide depression.
7. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Bullying.
8. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: Forced gender-specific gifts: dolls for Janice and Jen and boots and pistols (GUNS!) for Barney and Ben.
9. Santa Baby: Gold digger, blackmail.
10. Frosty the Snowman: Sexist; not a snow woman.
11. Do You Hear What I Hear: blatant disregard for the hearing impaired.
12. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas: Make the yuletide GAY? Wow, just wow.
13. Jingle Bell Rock: Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet: animal abuse.
14. Mistletoe and Holly: Overeating, folks stealing a kiss or two? How did this song ever see the light of day?
15. Winter Wonderland: Parson Brown demanding they get married: forced partnership.
16. Grandma got run over by a reindeer: elder abuse.
I'm not offended.  These are all my favorites!!!  Rock on...

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Genealogical Command Center

From Twisted Twigs:


When did she come visit my genea-cave?

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Best Thanksgiving TV Show Ever

Who can forget this WKRP episode?



Always makes me laugh!

Sunday, November 04, 2018

Longest Password Ever?


Another one would be Snow White and the seven dwarfs plus another state capital.


Friday, November 02, 2018

The Prize Winner!

Helen has the best jokes - thank you Helen!

============================================

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so
she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report just by listening to the bells.

Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a fine specimen but, this morning, she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.  He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk
on to the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize", they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted
awards on the planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Vote carefully in the next election: You can't always hear the bells.

(If you don’t send this on, you're chicken   ......   no yolk!)