Monday, January 19, 2015

ObamaCare Reduced to Four Sentences

Here's a nice summary from  a Purdue engineer.  Here are the 10,535 pages of ObamaCare  condensed to 4  sentences.  As humorous as this sounds.....every last word of it is absolutely TRUE!
      
1. In order to insure the uninsured, we first have to uninsure the insured.
       
2. Next, we require the newly uninsured to be re-insured.


3. To re-insure the newly uninsured, they are required to pay extra charges to be re-insured.
   
4. The extra charges are required so that the original insured, who became uninsured, and then became re-insured, can pay enough extra so that the original uninsured can be insured, which will be almost free of  charge to them.


'Nuff said!  Got it?  

Thursday, January 08, 2015

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Red Marbles

I love stories like this...thanks, Helen!

RED MARBLES

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes.    I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.  I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas.    I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.    Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

"Hello Barry, how are you today?"

"H'lo, Mr. Miller.  Fine, thank ya.    Jus' admirin' them peas.  They sure look good."

"They are good, Barry.    How's your Ma?"

"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."

"Good.    Anything I can help you with?"

"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."

"Would you like take some home?" asked Mr. Miller.

"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."
  
"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"

"All I got's my prize marble here."

"Is that right?    Let me see it" said Miller.

"Here 'tis.    She's a dandy."

"I can see that.    Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red.  Do you have a red one like this at home?" the store owner asked.

"Not zackley but almost."

"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble"     Mr. Miller told the boy.

"Sure will.    Thanks Mr. Miller."

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.    With a smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in town, all three are in very poor circumstances.    Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever.    When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store."

I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man.    A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.

-----------------------------------------------

Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one.  Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died.    They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them.    Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could

Ahead of us in line were three young men.    One was in an army uniform and the other two had nice haircuts, wore dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking.  They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket.  Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.

Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket.  Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller.  I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's  bartering for marbles.  With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

"Those three young men who just left were those boys.  They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them.   Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size....they came to pay their debt."

"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,"  she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho."

With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband.    Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral :   We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds.  Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~   

A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself.
An unexpected phone call from an old friend.  
Green stoplights on your way to work.
The fastest line at the grocery store.
A good sing-along song on the radio.
Your keys found right where you left them.

Send this to the people you'll never forget. I just Did...

If you don't send it to anyone, it means you are in way too much of a hurry to even notice the ordinary miracles when they occur.
  


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The Ghost of Christmas Future...


Christmas at Rock-Away Rest
         





Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
and all of us seniors were looking our best. 

Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry; 
Our punchbowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry.

A bedsock was taped to each walker, in hope
That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.
           
We surely were lucky to be there with friends,
Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

Our grandkids had sent us some Christmasy crafts,
Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.

The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
And from them she'd crafted a holiday wreath.

The bed pans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
Reflecting our candle's magnificent glow.

Our supper so festive -- the joy wouldn't stop --
Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.
           
The social director then had us play games,
Like "Where Are You Living?" and "What Are Your Names?"

Old Grandfather Cooper was feeling his oats,
Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.

Our resident wand'rer was tied to her chair,
In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

Security lights on the new fallen snow
Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.

Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
(But we are so deaf that it just didn't matter).
           
A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.

Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.          

We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
Our social- security checks had arrived.

We sang -- how we sang -- in our monotone croak,      
Till the clock tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

And soon we were snuggling deep in our beds.
While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.

And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
Before long you'll be with us, We wish you the best!




Friday, November 14, 2014

The "Science" of Climate Change

Which of these predictions has come true?


Saturday, November 08, 2014

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

The Fence Test

The Fence Test, by Jeff Foxworthy

You can't get any more accurate than this!  This is straight forward country thinking

Which side of the fence?  If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test! 

If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.  If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. 

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.  If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. 

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.  If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. 

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.  If a Democrat is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him. 

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.  A Democrat demands that those they don't like be shut down. 

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.  A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. 

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.  If a Democrat decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his. 

If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.  A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Friday, September 05, 2014

Retiring in the Caribbean...

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a  Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. 

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the
s​hore.

In disbelief, he asks,"Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies
, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman."I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman.
"On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.
I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the row boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed

"I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh it's not coconut juice," winks the woman.
"I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months.
You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around?She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing."You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, !
!
!
!
!
!
!
"You've built a Golf Course too?" 

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Beard Facts


I would add:

*  Keeps the chin warm

*  Hides a weak chin

*  Makes shaving much faster

*  Small children wonder if you're really Santa Claus




Sunday, July 27, 2014

A Retiree's Last Trip to CostCo

From my email ... thanks, Susi:

 Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs.

I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.  What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy  things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Sticks and Stones ...

Looks like an oxy-moron to me...


Nice to know what they think of those who are not tolerant liberals...

This explains a lot...


Well, yeah, at least on the Senate side.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Friday, July 18, 2014

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

If Harry Reid Had Lived in 1812...


Harry Reid is a joke...and a fool.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Who said these things?

There's Six trivia questions to see how much history you really know.  Be honest, it's kind of fun and revealing.  If you don't know the answer make your best guess.  Answer all of the questions (no cheating!!!) before looking at the answers.

1) "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

A.. Karl Marx       B. Adolph Hitler      C. Joseph Stalin            D. Barack Obama        E. None of the above

2) "It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few...... And to replace it with shared responsibility, for shared prosperity."


A. Lenin            B. Mussolini            C. Idi Amin        D. Barack Obama            E. None of the above

3) "(We).....can't just let business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from some people."


A. Nikita  Khrushev     B.  Joseph Goebbels     C. Boris Yeltsin     D.  Barack Obama     E. None of the above

4) "We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to give up a little bit of their own ... in order to create this common ground."

A.. Mao Tse Tung       B. Hugo Chavez     C. Kim Jong II       D. Barack Obama          E. None of the above

5) "I certainly think the free-market has failed."


A..  Karl Marx            B. Lenin        C. Molotov            D. Barack Obama            E. None of the above

6) "I think it's time to send a clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being watched."

A.. Pinochet        B. Milosevic     C. Saddam Hussein       D. Barack Obama E. None of the above
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Scroll down for answers
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And the answers  are  -----------

1)   E. None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/29/2004

2)   E. None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 5/29/2007

3)  E. None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007

4)   E. None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007

5 ) E None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007

6). E. None of the above.  Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 9/2/2005


How many did you get right?

Saturday, July 05, 2014

Thursday, July 03, 2014

Who Should Pay for Stuff?

The right idea...


Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Why Voter ID?

This makes too much sense to happen in the USA...