Nick Freitas posted this on X today, and I thought it was something we all needed to hear. NOTE THAT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HUMOR!
Dear panicking Reddit user, Hi, I’m part of the transition team that will help you navigate the massive changes that will be taking place under part two of the Trump administration. I understand that you have been led to believe that you will all be sent to concentration camps…(well those of you who aren’t deported…JK) but the truth is a lot more boring. So, first of all, none of you are going to be arrested, fined, jailed, have your property confiscated or sold into slavery. I know your gender studies professor has been claiming otherwise since March, but the only people actually in danger of anything bad happening to them are those who actually break the law, and they will still get due process. Well them and the excess government bureaucrats who are about to lose their tax payer supported jobs, but even they will probably get a nice severance. You on the other hand will be able to pretty much continue life as normal. Censorship is no longer the currency of the realm, so feel free to continue melting down on Reddit without fear of retribution from the government. You’re free to hate Donald Trump, me, the founders, the color white, math, working out, guns your parents and everyone ignoring you on Tinder. You won’t be censored, de platformed or have trumped up (pun intended) charges brought against you for disagreeing with the government. Now, on the other hand you won’t be getting your school loans paid for by the taxes of the hard working plumber you think you’re better than, but other than that, you are free to live in your mothers basement while you wait for that job that pays you “what you deserve” for all that education you received in lesbian dance theory. Also, good news. Your taxes are going to be reduced, which probably doesn’t matter a whole lot to you because you don’t pay any, but your parents are really going to appreciate it! Also there will almost certainly be a lot more job opportunities and a much better environment to start a business. Which again…probably won’t matter to you immediately, but you will appreciate the additional access to goods and services due to increased capital investment, which you no doubt dream about one day seizing just as soon as the Democratic Socialists of America figure out which pronouns to use on their call to arms. Also, if you do plan to step outside and touch grass, you will be significantly less likely to get mugged or step on a hypodermic needle. (Unless you live in San Francisco…we’ll try to clean it up but the 10th amendment says they’re allowed to live in filth if they so choose.) If you have any questions, our number can be found on the back of any job application, so this may be the last time we will communicate. Thanks again, welcome back to America!
Thanks, Nick, for the humor, wisdom and predictions of the next four years.
