Another one would be Snow White and the seven dwarfs plus another state capital.
Showing posts with label blondes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blondes. Show all posts
Sunday, November 04, 2018
Longest Password Ever?
Another one would be Snow White and the seven dwarfs plus another state capital.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Curtains!
A Blonde goes to a shop to buy curtains. She said to the salesman, 'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.'
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.He shows her several patterns. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Blonde Men's Jokes
How can this be? There are jokes about blonde men? Thanks, Helen!
A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not
the 13th."
-----------------------------------
-----------------------------------
Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to takethem
to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get
there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A
woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the
next time you & your wife are having sex. The whole street was
watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde man
replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home
yesterday."
------------------------------------
A
blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do.... it's for dry
hair, and I've just wet mine."
-----------------------------
A
blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got
epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems
calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out
of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A
blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope
"DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to
pick it up.
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A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------
A
blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to
swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him
over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says,
"That's your air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------
A
blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.. His wife says "Why
don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog
is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here
boy!" he replies.
-----------------------------------
A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging
myself," the blonde replies. "It should be around your neck" says the
guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------
(This one actually makes sense.) An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
Thursday, April 21, 2011
The Irish blonde
From my email...
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet 20,000 Euros on a single roll of the dice. She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!” She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know. I thought you were watching.”
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are drunks.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all Men…are Men.
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet 20,000 Euros on a single roll of the dice. She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!” She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know. I thought you were watching.”
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are drunks.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all Men…are Men.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Blondes and Football
From my email, thanks, Helen:
Out of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best --
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'
Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
'I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!'
Out of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best --
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'
Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
'I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!'
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Another good blonde joke
A stranger was seated next to a blonde on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, - 'What would you like to talk about?' -
'Oh, I don't know, said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the blonde's intelligence, thinks about it and says, - 'Hmmm, I have no idea....'
To which the blonde replies, - 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, - 'What would you like to talk about?' -
'Oh, I don't know, said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the blonde's intelligence, thinks about it and says, - 'Hmmm, I have no idea....'
To which the blonde replies, - 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The Rabbit and the Blonde
From my brother...
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible,"he explains,"I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The blonde says, " Don 't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp,dead rabbit,bends down,and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says..
.
.
.
.
.
.
(This is bad!)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.(You know you could just click off and not read the punch line....)
.
.
.
.
.
.
(You can still delete it)
.
.
.
.(Last chance)
.
.
.
.(OK, here it is)
It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible,"he explains,"I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The blonde says, " Don 't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp,dead rabbit,bends down,and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says..
.
.
.
.
.
.
(This is bad!)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.(You know you could just click off and not read the punch line....)
.
.
.
.
.
.
(You can still delete it)
.
.
.
.(Last chance)
.
.
.
.(OK, here it is)
It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Seven degrees of blonde...
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from
here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So, the first blonde hands her the compact. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead . Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No,honey, don 't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, .... I know 'em all'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?' The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from
here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So, the first blonde hands her the compact. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead . Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No,honey, don 't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, .... I know 'em all'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?' The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Three Texas Blondes
Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, 'So y'all want to be cops, huh?' The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, 'To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth.'
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. 'Now,' he said, 'did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?'
The blonde immediately said, 'Yes, I did. He has only one eye!'
The detective shook his head and said, 'Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!' The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, said, 'What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?' 'Yes! He only has one ear!'
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, 'Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!' The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, 'This is probably a waste of time, but... He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, 'All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?'
The blonde said, 'I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.' The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, 'You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?'
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, 'Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses.'
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, 'To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth.'
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. 'Now,' he said, 'did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?'
The blonde immediately said, 'Yes, I did. He has only one eye!'
The detective shook his head and said, 'Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!' The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, said, 'What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?' 'Yes! He only has one ear!'
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, 'Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!' The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, 'This is probably a waste of time, but... He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, 'All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?'
The blonde said, 'I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.' The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, 'You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?'
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, 'Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses.'
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
More blonde jokes
from my email:
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'
Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You might have to think twice about this one. A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3, 000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth. So then? I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?'
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk To ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied.
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied..... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
+++++++++++++
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'
Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You might have to think twice about this one. A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3, 000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth. So then? I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?'
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk To ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied.
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied..... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
+++++++++++++
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'
Blondie's restaurant?
From my email...
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
I LOVE THIS ONE............
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
I LOVE THIS ONE............
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Is it a big number?
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 'Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.'
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!'
Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving and there is that risk involved.'
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!'
Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving and there is that risk involved.'
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Curtains!
A Blonde goes to a shop to buy curtains. She said to the salesman, 'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.'
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.He shows her several patterns. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, 'Seventeen inches.'
'Seventeen inches ?' asked the salesman. 'That sounds very small, what room are they for?'
The blonde says, 'They aren't for a room, they are for my new computer monitor.'
The surprised salesman replies, 'But Miss, computers do not need curtains !'
The blonde says, 'Hellllooooooooo .. mine's got Windoooooows.......'
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.He shows her several patterns. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, 'Seventeen inches.'
'Seventeen inches ?' asked the salesman. 'That sounds very small, what room are they for?'
The blonde says, 'They aren't for a room, they are for my new computer monitor.'
The surprised salesman replies, 'But Miss, computers do not need curtains !'
The blonde says, 'Hellllooooooooo .. mine's got Windoooooows.......'
Friday, July 18, 2008
Home Depot scam
One of my friends got caught in this...
A 'heads up' for all you guys who may be regular Home Depot customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk or your truck. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, of course totally unclothed, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also June 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times so far in July, last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.
A 'heads up' for all you guys who may be regular Home Depot customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk or your truck. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, of course totally unclothed, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also June 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times so far in July, last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Golf Balls
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said: "Its golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked.......... "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said: "Its golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked.......... "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Shot in the Head
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while she was there she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and that she had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from the back of her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough stuck on the back of her head.
As it turns out, a Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the warm dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, but I'm certain that's irrelevant.
We need to ban Killer Biscuits.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and that she had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from the back of her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough stuck on the back of her head.
As it turns out, a Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the warm dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, but I'm certain that's irrelevant.
We need to ban Killer Biscuits.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Another blonde joke
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
What is 710?
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 7 10 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 7 10 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
Monday, October 29, 2007
Men are men - naturally!
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby... Southern Girl needs some new clothes!
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers... and then picked up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?
The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."
Moral of the Story:
Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. Not all men are like Clinton. But, all men... are men.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby... Southern Girl needs some new clothes!
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers... and then picked up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?
The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."
Moral of the Story:
Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. Not all men are like Clinton. But, all men... are men.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Leaving Work Early
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.
One day the girls decided when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss. Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them."No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."
One day the girls decided when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss. Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them."No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."
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