Sunday, April 05, 2020

Some COVID-19 Humor

I hope this brightens your day.  It did mine.  Thank you, Bonnie, for the email.


  • Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
  • I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
  • I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
  • Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
  • PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
  • Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
  • I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
  • This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
  • So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
  • Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
  • My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
  • Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
  • I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
  • I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.
  • Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
  • Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.
  • Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.


Thursday, April 02, 2020

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then…


Electricians are delighted
Corpses are decrypted
Cowboys are deranged
Models are deposed
Underwear models are debriefed
Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted
Jilted women are debrided
HVAC technicians are deducted
Tennis linemen are defaulted
Florists are deflowered
Students are detested
Hostels are debunked
Spies are debugged and detailed
Corporations are deformed and delimited
Celibate people are delayed
Chauffeurs are derided
Record keepers are described
Plumbers are dethroned
Clerks are defiled
Traffic cops are defined
Naturists are denuded
Election officials are devoted
Accountants are decertified
Builders are deconstructed
Confused people are demystified
Intelligence officials are declassified
Interpretors for the deaf are designed
Road builders are degraded
Waiters are deserved
Horses put out to stud are desired
Castles are demoted
Organ donors are delivered
Anything certain is depending