Canada's Top Ten List of American Stupidity

10) Only in America ... could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000.00 a plate campaign fund-raising event. 

9) Only in America ... could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when they have a black President, a black Attorney General and roughly 20% of the federal work force is black while only 14% of the population is black.  40+% of all federal entitlements go to black Americans at 3X the rate that go to whites, 5X the rate that go to Hispanics!

8) Only in America ... could they have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner (the head of the Treasury Department) and Charles Rangel (who once ran the Ways and Means Committee), BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.

7) Only in America ... can they have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.

6) Only in America ... would they make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege, while they discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just 'magically' become American citizens.

5) Only in America ... could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country's Constitution be thought of as "extremists."

4) Only in America ... could you need to present a driver's license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.

3) Only in America ... could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of a company making tennis shoes (Nike).

2) Only in America ... could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a Trillion dollars more than it has per year - for total spending of $7-Million PER MINUTE, and complain that it doesn't have nearly enough money.

1) Only in America ... could the rich people - who pay 86% of all income taxes - be accused of not paying their "fair share" by people who don't pay any income taxes at all!

The Ant and the Grasshopper Revisited

The  ANT AND  THE GRASSHOPPER   
 This  one is a little different....  Two  Different Versions ...  Two  Different Morals   
OLD  VERSION
The  ant works hard  in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and  laying up supplies for the winter.   
The  grasshopper Thinks  the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.   
  Come  winter, the ant is warm And  well fed.
The  grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he Dies  out in the cold.    MORAL  OF THE OLD STORY:   Be  responsible for yourself!

=======================================

MODERN VERSION   
The  ant works hard In  the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.  The  grasshopper thinks the ant Is  a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.   Come  winter, the shivering grasshopper Calls  a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be   Allowed  to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.       CBS,  NBC, PBS, CNN,  And  ABC show up to Provide  pictures of the shivering grasshopper Next  to a video of the ant In his comfortable home with a table filled with food.   America is stunned by the sharp contrast.  How  can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper  is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit  the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper  and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green ...'       Occupy the Anthill stages  A  demonstration in front of the ant's House  where the news stations film the SEIU group singing, We  shall overcome.     Then  Rev Al Sharpton's assistant has the group kneel down  to pray for the grasshopper, while he damns the ant.  The Reverend Al can not attend as he has contractual commitments to appear on his MSNBC show for which he is paid over two million dollars a year to complain that rich people do not care.
President Barack Hussein Obama condemns  the ant and blames President  Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan,  Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight.    Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview on The View that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair  share.   Finally,  the EEOC drafts the Economic  Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act, retroactive to the  beginning of the summer.
The  ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number  Of  green  bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government  Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.
The  story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's  old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.  The  ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.      The  grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now  abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous  and  peaceful, neighborhood.   The entire Nation collapses, bringing the rest of the free word with it.     MORAL  OF THE STORY:   Be  careful how you vote in 2014 and 2016.   

Men Are Just Happier Creatures

From my email - thanks, Helen!

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack...

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress: $5000. Tux rental: $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. 

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators...YEP!!!

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!