First Documented COVID Test in 1553

 

Things To Do ...

 With a little free time, I want to:

Sounds like fun!!

32 strange things to take your mind off of politics, pandemic and a dull day

 From my friend Helen's email:

32 strange things to take your mind off of politics, pandemic and a dull day 

  1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

2 Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.

3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5 A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

7. A 2x4 piece of lumber is really 1-1/2" by 3-1/2".

8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can be seen in the distance (and Charlton Heston is wearing a watch).

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! (That explains a few mysteries...)

10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564, 000.

13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.

14. The name 'Wendy' was apparently made up by the author of the book, PETER PAN. There is not a written record of anyone named 'Wendy' before that book was published.

15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in WW II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (What sadist discovered this?)

17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen' s . . .  "Born in the USA."

19. The original name for butterfly was 'flutterby'.

20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider (thicker) than your thumb.

21. The first product that the Motorola company started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the best known record player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves MOTORola.

22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.

23. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

24. Celery has 'negative calories'. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, "Elementary, my dear Watson."

28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!

29. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.

31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages the suit.

32. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

 

NOW WASN'T THAT CALMING AND NICE . . . FOR A CHANGE?

 

. . . Not to mention how much smarter we've now become

Cemetery Watchmen

 From my friend Helen:

THIS IS TRULY A VERY TRUTHFUL AND HONEST ACCOUNT FROM AN OLD VOLUNTEER MARINE AS HE, WHILE VOLUNTEERING AT A NATIONAL CEMETERY IN OKLAHOMA AND HOW HE HELPED AN 85 YEAR OLD EX MARINE WIFE AS SHE MADE WHAT SHE THOUGHT MAY BE HER LAST TRIP TO THE CEMETERY TO HONOR HER FAMILY MEMBERS FROM HER FATHER, TO HER UNCLE, TO HER HUSBAND AND ALSO TO HER TWO SONS, ALL OF THEM MARINES WHO HAD DIED IN SERVICE TO THIS GREAT NATION OF OURS.   

CEMETERY WATCHMEN   

My friend Kevin and I are volunteers at a National Cemetery in Oklahoma and put in a few days a month in a "slightly larger" uniform. Today had been a long, long day and I just wanted to get the day over with and go down to Smokey's and have a cold one. Sneaking a look at my watch, I saw the time, 16:55. Five minutes to go before the cemetery gates are closed for the day.

The full dress was hot in the August sun. Oklahoma summer time was as bad as ever--the heat and humidity at the same level--both too high.

I saw the car pull into the drive, '69 or '70 model Cadillac Deville, looked factory-new. It pulled into the parking lot at a snail's pace. An old woman got out so slow I thought she was paralyzed; she had a cane and a sheaf of flowers--about 4 or 5 bunches as best I could tell.

I couldn't help myself. The thought came unwanted, and left a slightly bitter taste:

"She's going to spend an hour, and for this old soldier, my hip hurts like hell and I'm ready to get out of here right now!"  But for this day, my duty was to assist anyone coming in.

Kevin would lock the "In" gate and if I could hurry the old lady along, we might make it to Smokey's in time.

I broke post attention. My hip made gritty noises when I took the first step and the pain went up a notch. I must have made a real military sight:  middle-aged man with a small pot gut and half a limp, in marine full-dress uniform, which had lost its razor crease about thirty minutes after I began the watch at the cemetery.

I stopped in front of her, halfway up the walk. She looked up at me with an old woman's squint.

"Ma'am, may I assist you in any way?"

She took long enough to answer.

"Yes, son. Can you carry these flowers? I seem to be moving a tad slow these days."

"My pleasure, ma'am." (Well, it wasn't too much of a lie.)

She looked again. "Marine, where were you stationed?"

"Vietnam, ma'am.  Ground-pounder. '69 to '71.'"

She looked at me closer. "Wounded in action, I see. Well done, Marine. I'll be as quick as I can."

I lied a little bigger:  "No hurry, ma'am."

She smiled and winked at me. "Son, I'm 85 years old and I can tell a lie from a long way off. Let's get this done. Might be the last time I can do this. My name's Joanne Wieserman, and I've a few Marines I'd like to see one more time."

"Yes, ma 'am. At your service."

She headed for the World War I section, stopping at a stone. She picked one of the flower bunches out of my arm and laid it on top of the stone.

She murmured something I couldn't quite make out.  The name on the marble was Donald S. Davidson, USMC: France 1918.

She turned away and made a straight line for the World War II section, stopping at one stone I saw a tear slowly tracking its way down her cheek.

She put a bunch on a stone; the name was Stephen X. Davidson, USMC, 1943.

She went up the row a ways and laid another bunch on a stone, Stanley J. Wieserman, USMC, 1944.

She paused for second and more tears flowed.  "Two more, son, and we'll be done."

I almost didn't say anything, but, "Yes, ma'am. Take your time."

She looked confused.  "Where's the Vietnam section, son? I seem to have lost my way."

I pointed with my chin.  "That way, ma'am."

"Oh!" she chuckled quietly. "Son, me and old age ain't too friendly."

She headed down the walk I'd pointed at. She stopped at a couple of stones before she found the ones she wanted. She placed a bunch on Larry Wieserman, USMC, 1968, and the last on Darrel Wieserman, USMC, 1970.

She stood there and murmured a few words I couldn't make out and more tears flowed.

"OK, son, I'm finished. Get me back to my car and you can go home."

"Yes, ma'am. If I may ask, were those your kinfolk?"

She paused.

"Yes, Donald Davidson was my father, Stephen was my uncle, Stanley was my husband, Larry and Darrel were our sons. All killed in action, all Marines."

She stopped.  Whether she had finished, or couldn't finish, I don't know.  She made her way to her car, slowly and painfully.

I waited for a polite distance to come between us and then double-timed it over to Kevin, waiting by the car.

"Get to the 'Out' gate quick. I have something I've got to do."

Kevin started to say something but saw the look I gave him. He broke the rules to get us down the service road fast. We beat her.

She hadn't made it around the rotunda yet.

  "Kevin, stand at attention next to the gatepost. Follow my lead."

  I humped it across the drive to the other post.

 When the Cadillac came puttering around from the hedges and began the short straight traverse to the gate, I called in my best gunny's voice:

"Tehen Hut!  Present arms!" I have to hand it to Kevin; he never blinked an eye--full dress attention and a salute that would make his DI proud.

  She drove through that gate with two old worn-out soldiers giving her a send-off she deserved, for service rendered to her country, and for knowing duty, honor and sacrifice far beyond the realm of most.

  I am not sure, but I think I saw a salute returned from that Cadillac.

  Instead of "The End," just think of "Taps."

  As a final thought on my part, let me share a favorite prayer:

  "Lord, keep our servicemen and women safe, whether they serve at home or overseas.  Hold them in your loving hands and protect them as they protect us.  Let's all keep those currently serving and those who have gone before in our thoughts. They are the reason for the many freedoms we enjoy.  In God We Trust"

  Sorry about your monitor; it made mine blurry too!

  If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under!

The Latest "Stella Awards"

 Well, this just goes to show you that there are a lot of dumb folks out there!!  What is really scary is the fact that our "peers" were involved with the awards!  Why can't I think of blaming someone else for my stupid behaviors!!  

It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee.  She took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving.  Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

These are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S., you know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stella's for this year:

--------------------------

SEVENTH PLACE

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Start scratching!

--------------------------

SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...

--------------------------

FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.

Keep scratching. There's more..

Double hand scratching after this one.

-------------------------------

FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot.

-----------------------------------

THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

Only two more so ease up on the scratching..

-------------------------------------

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

Ok. Here we go!!

---------------------------------

FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her--are you sitting down?--$1,750,000.  PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed its manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Thinking Outside the Box...

 

A Message From Dad ...

 

Check Out The Donuts

 

MY FINAL THOUGHTS AS 2020 IS COMING TO A CLOSE!

Thank you, Helen, for a great list!  Again.

1.       The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.

 

2.       I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone.   He asked me what I was wearing.

 

3.       2019:  Stay away from negative people.  2020:  Stay away from positive people.

 

4.       The world has turned upside down.  Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

 

5.       This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog.  It was obvious she thought her dog understood her.  I came into my house & told my cat.  We laughed a lot.

 

6.       Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

 

7.     Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

 

8.     This virus has done what no woman has been able to do.  Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!

 

9.     I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

 

10.    I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

 

11.    I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard.  I’m getting tired of the Living Room.

 

12.    Appropriate analogy.  "The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” is like saying, “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now.”  

 

13.    Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask & ask for money.