Here is the Padres' history for each 10-game block of the 2008 season so far:
* 10 games, 5-5 overall, 4-3 at home, 1-2 on the road, Runs 32-31, Homers 6-7, team BA 0.282, team ERA 2.97.
* 20 games, 9-11 overall, 5-5 at home, 4-6 on the road, Runs 65-92, Homers 11-14, team BA 0.239, opposition BA 0.241, team ERA 3.88, opposition ERA 2.65.
* 30 games, 11-19 overall, 6-9 at home, 5-10 on the road, Runs 98-139, Homers 21-26, team BA 0.226, opposition BA 0.244, team ERA 4.01, opposition ERA 2.79.
* 40 games, 15-25 overall, 8-10 at home, 7-15 on the road, Runs 135-188, Homers 29-33, team BA 0.234, opposition BA 0.253, team ERA 4.14, opposition ERA 3.35.
* 50 games, 18-32 overall, 10-13 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 168-237, Homers 38-44, team BA 0.237, opposition BA 0.261, team ERA 4.33, opposition ERA 3.44.
Games 51 to 60 summaries:
* Game 51, Saturday, 24 May, Cincinnati at San Diego: Reds win 7-2. We were there. A poorly pitched game - Wil Ledezma (3 IP, 5 ER, 5 H, 2 BB, 2 SO) started and Sean Henn gave up 2 runs in the 9th to put it out of reach. The Pads pitchers gave up 11 hits and walked 11. The Pads only 2 runs came on McAnulty's triple in the 5th inning. After 51 games, the Pads are 18-33 overall, 10-14 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 170-244, Homers 38-45. They've lost 2 in a row, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 26 out of 36.
* Game 52, Sunday, 25 May, Cincinnati at San Diego: Pads win 12-9 in 18 innings. The Pads broke out with 3 in the 2nd inning, the Reds tied it with 3 in the 5th, went ahead with 2 in the 6th, the Pads tied it in the 8th, the Reds got 1 in the 9th, Hairston tied it in the bottom of the 9th, the Reds got 2 in the 11th, and the Pads matched it in the bottom of the 11th, and Adrian Gonzalez won it with a 3-run homer in the 18th off the 10th Reds pitcher, Edinson Volquez. Whew. Kouzmanoff had 2 homers, McAnulty 1, and Gonzalez had 4 RBIs. Greg Maddux started (5.1 IP, 1 ER, 4 R, 6 H, 3 BB, 4 SO), Meredith, Hoffman and Wells gave up runs in relief, but Josh Banks saved the day with 6 innings of shutout relief to get the win. After 52 games, the Pads are 19-33 overall, 11-14 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 182-253, Homers 42-46. They've won 1 in a row, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 26 out of 37.
* Game 53: Tuesday, 27 May, Washington at San Diego: Pads win 4-2. Adrian Gonzalez and Kevin Kouzmanoff hit back-to-back homers in the 7th inning to break up a 2-2 tie game. Randy wolf pitched well (6 IP, 2 R, 7 H, 0 BB, 5 SO) and Corey, Bell and Hoffman pitched three scoreless relief innings (Bell won it, now 1-3, Hoffman got his 10th save). After 53 games, the Pads are 20-33 overall, 12-14 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 186-255, Homers 44-47. They've won 2 in a row, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 26 out of 38.
* Game 54: Wednesday, 28 May, Washington at San Diego: Nats win 6-4. Catcher Jesus Flores hit a grand slam in the 4th off Shawn Estes (5 IP, 4 R, 4 H, 2 BB, 3 SO), lost, now 1-1 and Mike Adams gave up 2 runs in relief. The Pads battled back to 6-4 with Hairston's homer in the 7th. After 54 games, the Pads are 20-34 overall, 12-15 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 190-261, Homers 45-49. They've lost 1 in a row, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 27 out of 39.
* Game 55: Thursday, 29 May, Washington at San Diego: Pads win 5-2. Jody Gerut hit a 3-run homer in the 8th inning to break a 2-2 tie game. Wil Ledezma pitched well (5 IP, 1 R, 2 H, 3 BB, 7 SO) but Cla Meredith gave up a tying run in the 7th. Heath Bell got the win (now 2-3) and Trevor Hoffman got his 11th save. Edgar Gonzalez drove in the first two runs in the 4th with a bases-loaded single. After 55 games, the Pads are 21-34 overall, 13-15 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 195-263, Homers 46-49. They've won 1 in a row, won 3 out of the last 4, won 5 out of the last 10, and lost 27 out of the last 40.
* Game 56: Friday, 30 May, San Diego at San Francisco: Pads win 7-3. Greg Maddux and Matt Cain engaged in a pitching duel, but the Pads bullpen won it for the Pads (bell got the win, now 2-3). After 56 games, the Pads are 22-34 overall, 13-15 at home, 9-19 on the road, Runs 202-266, Homers 47-50. They've won 2 in a row, won 4 out of the last 5, and won 6 out of the last 10.
* Game 57: Saturday, 31 May, San Diego at San Francisco: Pads win 5-1. Josh Banks pitched a great game (9 IP, 0 ER, 6 H, 0 BB, 5 SO, won, now 2-0). The Pads scored 4 in the first inning, on error-single-walk-single-single-strikeout-double. Adrian Gonzalez had 3 RBI. After 57 games, the Pads are 23-34 overall, 13-15 at home, 10-19 on the road, Runs 207-267, Homers 47-50. They've won 3 in a row, won 5 out of the last 6, and won 6 out of the last 10.
* Game 58: Sunday, 1 June, San Diego at San Francisco: Giants win 4-3. Randy Wolf pitched really well (6 IP, 1 R, 4 H, 1 BB, 5 SO) but Trevor Hoffman blew the save and got the loss (3 BS, 0-4) in the 10th inning after Adrian Gonzalez hit a 2-run homer off Alex Hinshaw. After 58 games, the Pads are 23-35 overall, 13-15 at home, 10-20 on the road, Runs 210-271, Homers 48-51. They've lost 1 in a row, won 5 out of the last 7, and won 6 out of the last 10.
* Game 59: Monday, 2 June, Chicago Cubs at San Diego: Cubbies win 7-6. This was a really frustrating game ... the Pads scored 3 in the first inning off Carlos Zambrano. The Cubs pecked away and were ahead 4-3 when Cha Seung Baek left (4.1 IP, 4 R, 9 H, 1 BB, 2 SO, lost, now 1-1). Justin Hampson gave up 2 more runs in the 6th, and Mike Adams another in the 7th, and the Cubs sailed into the bottom of the 9th with a 7-3 lead. Adrian Gonzalez hit a 3-run homer in the 9th with one out, but Kerry Wood got Tony Clark to strike out, and Michael Barrett flied out. After 59 games, the Pads are 23-36 overall, 13-16 at home, 10-20 on the road, Runs 216-278, Homers 49-51. They've lost 2 in a row, won 5 out of the last 8, and won 5 out of the last 10.
* Game 60: Tuesday, 3 June, Chicago Cubs at San Diego: Cubs win 9-6. Wil Ledezma (4.2 IP), Brian corey (1.1 IP) and Carlos Guevara (2 IP) each gave up 3 runs as the Cubs blasted 3 home runs. The Pads lead 2-0 and 3-1 before the Cubs went up 9-3. The Pads scored 3 in the 8th to make it closer. After 60 games, the Pads are 23-37 overall, 13-17 at home, 10-20 on the road, Runs 222-287, Homers 49-54. They've lost 3 in a row, and won 5 out of the last 10.
In these 10 games, the Pads were 5-5, 3-4 at home, 2-1 on the road, Runs 54-50, Homers 11-10. They were blown out in only one of the losses.
Hitting statistics (Avg, H-AB, HR-RBI, BB-SO) through 59 games (the U-T didn't publish stats through 60 games):
Jody Gerut -- 0.250, 22-88, 2-6, 12-15
Tadahito Iguchi - 0.257, 59-230, 2-18, 23-53
Brian Giles - 0.295, 64-217, 3-23, 39-24
Adrian Gonzalez - 0.298, 70-235, 17-54, 20-52
Kevin Kouzmanoff - 0.273, 66-242, 8-25, 8-48
Kahlil Greene - 0.207, 45-217, 5-23, 14-58
Scott Hairston - 0.220, 38-173, 7-15, 12-48
Josh Bard - 0.200, 26-130, 0-7, 14-18
Paul McAnulty - 0.211, 20-95, 3-9, 20-25
Michael Barrett - 0.182, 6-33, 0-4, 3-6
Tony Clark - 0.245, 12-49, 0-2, 11-18
TEAM HITTING: 0.237, 491-2079, 49-208, 208-473
OPPO HITTING: 0.260, 543-2088, 51-261, 203-419
Pitching Statistics (W-L, ERA, G-IP, H-ER, BB-SO) through 59 games:
Jake Peavy -- 4-3, 2.91, 9-58.2, 48-19, 20-60
Chris Young -- 4-4, 4.50, 10-54.0, 50-27, 30-51
Randy Wolf -- 3-4, 4.33, 12-70.2, 67-34, 23-64
Greg Maddux -- 3-4, 3.69, 12-70.2, 77-29, 12-38
Shawn Estes -- 1-1, 3.33, 5-24.1, 18-9, 10-14
Josh Banks -- 2-0, 0.00, 3-17.0, 14-00, 5-10
Heath Bell - 2-3, 2.23, 29-32.1, 24-8, 10-25
Cla Meredith -- 0-1, 4.03, 30-29.0, 28-13, 8-19
Trevor Hoffman -- 0-4, 5.68, 20-19.0, 21-12, 6-23 (11 saves)
Wil Ledezma -- 0-2, 4.25, 12-36.0, 34-17, 21-31
TEAM PITCHING: 23-36, 4.19, 59-549.2, 543-256, 203-419
OPPO PITCHING: 36-23, 3.22, 59-550.0, 491-197, 208-473.
The injury bug bit again during this ten game stretch, with Shawn Estes breaking his thumb in the dugout and going on the DL.
The team batting average stayed the same, but with Jody Gerut (10 for 31) and Adrian Gonzalez (16 for 38, 4 HR, 15 RBI) improved a bit, and Kahlil Greene really slumped (3 for 34, 14 SO). There are way too many strikeouts (84 in these 9 games) but there were more hits (84 in these 9 games) and RBIs (47 in these 9 games) and walks (45 in these 9 games).
The hitters are averaging 8.32 hits, 3.66 runs, 0.83 homers, 3.52 walks and 8.02 strikeouts per game. The opposition stats are 9.20 hits, 4.71 runs, 0.86 homers, 3.44 walks and 7.10 strikeouts per game.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Cool art
Do you see four faces in the picture above?
Where does the middle column end?
How many horses do you see in this picture? You should find 7.
Do you see a face, or the word Liar?
Friday, May 23, 2008
So you think the price of gas is high?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
* Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ..... $10.32 per gallon
* Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ........ $9.52 per gallon
* Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ............ $10.17 per gallon
* Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ....... $10.00 per gallon
* Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ........ $33.60 per gallon
* Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ..... $178.13 per gallon
* Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .... $123.20 per gallon
* Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ........ $25.42 per gallon
* Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 ........... $84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...Evian water 9 oz $1.49... $21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at............... (you won't believe it....but it is true........)$5,200 a gal. (yep, five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!
* Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ..... $10.32 per gallon
* Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ........ $9.52 per gallon
* Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ............ $10.17 per gallon
* Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ....... $10.00 per gallon
* Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ........ $33.60 per gallon
* Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ..... $178.13 per gallon
* Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .... $123.20 per gallon
* Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ........ $25.42 per gallon
* Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 ........... $84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...Evian water 9 oz $1.49... $21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at............... (you won't believe it....but it is true........)$5,200 a gal. (yep, five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Potential 7.8 Southern California Earthquake
The following was posted on Science Daily today:
ScienceDaily (May 23, 2008) — Scientists have unveiled a hypothetical Scenario describing how a magnitude 7.8 Southern California earthquake -similar to the recent earthquake in China- would impact the region, causing loss of lives and massive damage to infrastructure, including critical transportation, power, and water systems.
In the Scenario, the earthquake would kill 1800 people, injure 50,000, cause $200 billion in damage, and have long-lasting social and economic consequences. This is the most comprehensive analysis ever of what a major Southern California earthquake would mean, and is the scientific framework for what will be the largest earthquake preparedness drill in California history, scheduled for November 13, 2008.
The November preparedness exercise, "Golden Guardian '08," will test the ability of emergency responders to deal with the impact of a magnitude 7.8 earthquake on the San Andreas Fault in Southern California, and is being jointly organized by the Governor's Office of Emergency Services and the California Office of Homeland Security. The Golden Guardian exercise will occur during a week-long series of public events planned for the "Great Southern California ShakeOut." A June 4th kick-off event is planned for the "ShakeOut" to help communities plan to respond to the risks highlighted in the Scenario.
The scientific report describing the ShakeOut Scenario, jointly published by the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) and the California Geological Survey (CGS), will be released May 21 during a Congressional hearing in Washington, D.C. The House Committee on Natural Resources, Subcommittee on Energy and Mineral Resources, led by Chairman Jim Costa (D-CA), will hold an oversight hearing on USGS efforts to prepare for future earthquakes.
ScienceDaily (May 23, 2008) — Scientists have unveiled a hypothetical Scenario describing how a magnitude 7.8 Southern California earthquake -similar to the recent earthquake in China- would impact the region, causing loss of lives and massive damage to infrastructure, including critical transportation, power, and water systems.
In the Scenario, the earthquake would kill 1800 people, injure 50,000, cause $200 billion in damage, and have long-lasting social and economic consequences. This is the most comprehensive analysis ever of what a major Southern California earthquake would mean, and is the scientific framework for what will be the largest earthquake preparedness drill in California history, scheduled for November 13, 2008.
The November preparedness exercise, "Golden Guardian '08," will test the ability of emergency responders to deal with the impact of a magnitude 7.8 earthquake on the San Andreas Fault in Southern California, and is being jointly organized by the Governor's Office of Emergency Services and the California Office of Homeland Security. The Golden Guardian exercise will occur during a week-long series of public events planned for the "Great Southern California ShakeOut." A June 4th kick-off event is planned for the "ShakeOut" to help communities plan to respond to the risks highlighted in the Scenario.
The scientific report describing the ShakeOut Scenario, jointly published by the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) and the California Geological Survey (CGS), will be released May 21 during a Congressional hearing in Washington, D.C. The House Committee on Natural Resources, Subcommittee on Energy and Mineral Resources, led by Chairman Jim Costa (D-CA), will hold an oversight hearing on USGS efforts to prepare for future earthquakes.
Although imaginary, the Shakeout Scenario is based on scientists' best predictions of what would actually occur during and after a major earthquake on the San Andreas Fault.
The Scenario outlines a hypothetical earthquake in which:
* The strongest shaking and greatest damage is near the stretch of the San Andreas Fault that extends through the fastest growing areas of Southern California, including the Coachella Valley, Inland Empire and Antelope Valley.
At least 10 million people will be exposed to heavy shaking. California's efforts at mitigation have concentrated on life safety and have been largely successful. Thus, in spite of the large numbers of people in highly shaken areas, deaths are estimated at only 1,800.
At least 10 million people will be exposed to heavy shaking. California's efforts at mitigation have concentrated on life safety and have been largely successful. Thus, in spite of the large numbers of people in highly shaken areas, deaths are estimated at only 1,800.
* Building types known to be vulnerable to damage and collapse, do indeed sustain major damage. All un-reinforced masonry buildings within 15 miles of the San Andreas Fault are completely destroyed. Those that are not retrofitted kill many occupants. Many other older building types without retrofitting contribute to over $33 billion in damage to buildings.
* The fault offsets all lifelines crossing into Southern California at Cajon Pass (Interstate 15), San Gorgonio Pass (Interstate 10) and along Route 14, including pipelines, power lines, roads, railways, telecommunications and aqueducts.
Strong shaking continues in downtown Los Angeles for 55 seconds - nearly 8 times longer than in the Northridge Earthquake
Strong shaking continues in downtown Los Angeles for 55 seconds - nearly 8 times longer than in the Northridge Earthquake
* The prolonged, strong shaking heavily damages and sometimes collapses hundreds of old brick buildings, thousands of older commercial and industrial concrete buildings, many wood-frame buildings, and even a few, high-rise steel buildings. Over 600,000 buildings suffer at least some damage that causes tens of thousands of injuries and hundreds of deaths, and leaves many thousands of people without homes or jobs.
* Fire doubles the fatalities and economic losses. Around Southern California, there will be 1,600 fires started large enough to warrant a 911 call, and some fires merge into conflagrations that burn hundreds of city blocks. Assuming no Santa Ana winds, the models still indicate a further $65 billion in direct losses and $22 billion in indirect losses from the fires.
* Nearly two thirds of the hospital beds are non-functional in Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside, and San Bernardino counties. At the same time, 50,000 people will seek treatment at emergency rooms.
* Thanks to a $6 billion investment in seismic safety, the State highway system fares well. However, although collapse is avoided, some bridges are non-functional so that much of the highway is not passable on the day of the event. The long duration of shaking takes a greater toll on bridges and overpasses under the jurisdiction of cities and counties where the retrofitting processes are not complete or have not begun.
* The largest long-term economic disruption comes from damage to the water distribution system. Damage to this system will be so extensive that some areas will have to replace the whole system, and some buildings will be without water for as long as 6 months. The direct and indirect business interruption costs attributed to the lack of water will be $50 billion.
Most of the damage is predictable and much is preventable. Individuals can protect themselves and help their community by:
* Storing more water than they already have
* Keeping a fire extinguisher and knowing how to use it.
* Securing their space. This means securing building contents from flying around and reinforcing a building they own to the most current standards.
* Keeping a fire extinguisher and knowing how to use it.
* Securing their space. This means securing building contents from flying around and reinforcing a building they own to the most current standards.
"The planned emergency drill is underpinned by the most comprehensive analysis ever of what a major Southern California earthquake would mean on the ground," said Dr. Lucile Jones, chief scientist for U.S. Geological Survey's Southern California Multi-Hazards Demonstration Project. "We know this science will help state and local agencies develop comprehensive emergency-response plans that will help us avoid the worst impacts of a major quake."
The ShakeOut Scenario is the product of an interdisciplinary collaboration of over 300 scientists, engineers, and other experts from several agencies, including the USGS, the California Geological Survey, Southern California Earthquake Center, California Office of Emergency Services and Seismic Safety Commission.
To create the Scenario, geologists determined the amount of potential motion on the part of the San Andreas Fault with the greatest risk of imminent rupture, a 200-mile long section from the Salton Sea in the Coachella Valley to just south of Gorman. From this, seismologists and computer scientists modeled the ground shaking. Engineers and building professionals used the models of ground shaking to estimate damage to the built environment. And from these damages, social scientists evaluated emergency response, casualties, and the impact on our economy and society.
A copy of the full technical report, The ShakeOut Scenario, is available online at http://pubs.usgs.gov/of/2008/1150.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
More holy humor
STORY OF ELIJAH
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
MOSES & THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse.
Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rickey was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."
Church Smiles:
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
AMISH SIGN:
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.Caution: Do not step in exhaust.
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
MOSES & THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse.
Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rickey was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."
Church Smiles:
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
AMISH SIGN:
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.Caution: Do not step in exhaust.
More Audrey pix
Linda was at Tami's this week helping with Lolo and Audrey. I couldn't go because I was sick from my time in Santa Cruz with Lucas and Logan.
Here's Linda with Lolo and Audrey...
And here's Tami with Lolo and Audrey ...
Here's Linda with Lolo and Audrey...
And here's Tami with Lolo and Audrey ...
And here's Audrey at 2+ weeks with her eyes open and arms up ...
Padres 2008 - Games 41-50
Here is the Padres' history for each 10-game block of the 2008 season so far:
* 10 games, 5-5 overall, 4-3 at home, 1-2 on the road, Runs 32-31, Homers 6-7, team BA 0.282, team ERA 2.97.
* 20 games, 9-11 overall, 5-5 at home, 4-6 on the road, Runs 65-92, Homers 11-14, team BA 0.239, opposition BA 0.241, team ERA 3.88, opposition ERA 2.65.
* 30 games, 11-19 overall, 6-9 at home, 5-10 on the road, Runs 98-139, Homers 21-26, team BA 0.226, opposition BA 0.244, team ERA 4.01, opposition ERA 2.79.
* 40 games, 15-25 overall, 8-10 at home, 7-15 on the road, Runs 135-188, Homers 29-33, team BA 0.234, opposition BA 0.253, team ERA 4.14, opposition ERA 3.35.
Games 41 to 50 summaries:
Game 41, Wednesday, May 14, San Diego at Chicago Cubs: Cubs win 4-0. Ryan Dempster struck out 12 (8.1 IP, 0 R, 6 H, 1 BB, 12 SO) while Greg Maddux was mediocre (4.1 IP, 4 R, 11 H, 0 BB, 1 SO). The Cubs got all four runs in the 5th inning. After 41 games, the Pads are 15-26 overall, 8-10 at home, 7-16 on the road, Runs 135-192, Homers 29-33. They've lost 1 straight won 3 out of 5, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 19 out of 27.
Game 42: Thursday, May 15, San Diego at Chicago Cubs: Cubs win 8-5. Jake Peavy pitched poorly (4 IP, 4 ER, 7 H, 2 BB, 8 SO, lost, now 4-3), falling behind 4-0. The Pads made it 4-3 in the 5th and 6-4 in the 5th, but ther bullpen failed again - 4 runs in 4 innings. After 42 games, the Pads are 15-27 overall, 8-10 at home, 7-17 on the road, Runs 140-200, Homers 29-35. They've lost 2 straight 3 out of 4, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 20 out of 27.
Game 43: Friday, May 16, San Diego at Seattle (AL): Pads win 6-4. Chris Young did not pitch well (6 IP, 4 R, 5 H, 4 BB, 5 SO, won now 4-3) but it was good enough to beat Miguel Batista and the Mariners. The Pads scored 5 runs in the first 3 innings, but the M's got 3 in the 2nd and 1 in the 3rd. The Pads got an insurance run in the 6th and the bullpen (Meredith, Bell, Hoffman - 8th save) pitched 3 scoreless innings. After 43 games, the Pads are 16-27 overall, 8-10 at home, 8-17 on the road, Runs 146-204, Homers 30-36. They've won 1 in a row, lost 3 out of the last 5, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 20 out of 28.
Game 44: Saturday, May 17, San Diego at Seattle (AL): Mariners win 4-2. Randy Wold (6.1 IP, 3 R, 7 H, 1 BB, 5 SO) pitched well enough to win, but Cla Meredith gave up a 2-run homer in the 7th to Adrian Beltre. The Pads only runs were a 2-run homer by Adrian Gonzalez off Eric Bedard in the 4th. Bedard struck out 10 Pads. This was a winnable game - the bullpen failed. After 44 games, the Pads are 16-28 overall, 8-10 at home, 8-18 on the road, Runs 148-208, Homers 31-37. They've lost 1 in a row, lost 4 out of the last 6, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 21 out of 29.
Game 45: Sunday, May 18, San Diego at Seattle (AL): M's win 3-2. Shawn Estes pitched well into the 7th, giving up 1 R on 4 H. Heath Bell gave up 2 runs in the 8th to take the loss. The only Padres runs were another 2-run homer by Adrian Gonzalez off Felix Hernandez. This was another winnable game - the bullpen failed again. After 45 games, the Pads are 16-29 overall, 8-10 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 150-211, Homers 32-37. They've lost 2 in a row, lost 5 out of the last 7, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 22 out of 30.
Game 46: Monday, May 19, St. Louis at San Diego: Cards win 8-2. Wil Ledezma and Justin Germano couldn't stifle the Cards hitting (7 runs on 11 hits in 6 innings) and the Pads mustered all of 6 hits off Wellemeyer. Albert Pujols hit two homers, Izturis and Ludwick hit one as we sat through a pummeling. After 46 games, the Pads are 16-30 overall, 8-11 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 152-219, Homers 32-41. They've lost 3 in a row, lost 6 out of the last 8, and lost 23 out of 30.
Game 47: Tuesday, May 20, St. Louis at San Diego: Pads win 3-2, on a well pitched game by Greg Maddux and the bullpen, with Brian Corey picking up the win (now 1-0), Heath Bell the hold and Trevor Hoffman the save (#9). Kevin Kouzmanoff provided all of the offense with a 3-run homer in the 6th off Joel Pineiro. After 47 games, the Pads are 17-30 overall, 9-11 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 155-221, Homers 33-41. They've won 1 in a row, lost 6 out of the last 9, and lost 23 out of 31.
Game 48: Wednesday, May 21, St. Louis at San Diego: Cards win 11-3, and Chris Young (broken nose) and Josh Bard (ankle sprain) were lost for two weeks or more. The Pads jumped ahead on Adrian Gonzalez home run in the first, but in the 3rd with two on, Pujols lined a ball off Young's face. The Cards scored 3 in the 3rd, 3 in the 4th, 3 in the 6th and 2 in the 8th off the bullpen. After 48 games, the Pads are 17-31 overall, 9-12 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 158-232, Homers 34-42. They've lost 1 in a row, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 24 out of 33.
The Pads optioned Joe Thatcher back to Portland, put Young and Bard on the DL, and released Justin Germano after the game. They called up C Colt Morton, and pitchers Mike Adams, Josh Banks and Jared Wells from Portland.
Game 49: Thursday, May 22, Cincinnati at San Diego: Pads win 8-2. Randy wolf pitched well (7 IP, 2 R, 4 H, 1 BB, 9 SO, won, now 3-4) and the Pads bashed 4 homers after falling behind 2-0 in the first inning on Ken Griffey Jr.'s homer. Adrian Gonzalez pout the Pads ahead in the 5th with a 2-run homer, Kahlil Greene had two solo homers and Kevin Kouzmanoff had a 2-run homer also. Callup Mike Adams pitched two scoreless innings. After 49 games, the Pads are 18-31 overall, 10-12 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 166-234, Homers 38-43. They've won 1 in a row, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 24 out of 34.
Game 50: Friday, May 23, Cincinnati at San Diego: Reds win 3-2. Shawn Estes pitched well enough to win, but the Pads scored only two runs on 5 hits off Edinson Volquez (6 IP, 1 R, 2 H, 2 BB, 12 SO) and four Reds relievers - with 17 strikeouts. Adam Dunn hit a solo homer in the 9th off Trevor Hoffman (lost, now 0-3).
After 50 games, the Pads are 18-32 overall, 10-13 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 168-237, Homers 38-44. They've lost 1 in a row, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 25 out of 35.
In these 10 games, the Pads were 3-7, 2-3 at home, 1-4 on the road, Runs 33-49, Homers 9-11. They were blown out in two of the losses.
Hitting statistics (Avg, H-AB, HR-RBI, BB-SO) through 50 games:
Jody Gerut -- 0.211, 12-57, 1-3, 8-7
Tadahito Iguchi - 0.258, 49-190, 2-16, 20-40
Brian Giles - 0.306, 55-180, 3-20, 31-21
Adrian Gonzalez - 0.274, 54-197, 13-39, 13-47
Kevin Kouzmanoff - 0.270, 55-204, 5-19, 5-40
Kahlil Greene - 0.230, 42-183, 5-21, 10-44
Scott Hairston - 0.236, 34-144, 5-12, 10-38
Josh Bard - 0.200, 26-130, 0-7, 14-18
Paul McAnulty - 0.195, 15-77, 2-6, 15-19
TEAM HITTING: 0.237, 409-1704, 38-161, 163-389
OPPO HITTING: 0.261, 453-1739, 44-222, 173-338
Pitching Statistics (W-L, ERA, G-IP, H-ER, BB-SO) through 50 games -
Jake Peavy -- 4-3, 2.91, 9-58.2, 48-19, 20-60
Chris Young -- 4-4, 4.50, 10-54.0, 50-27, 30-51
Randy Wolf -- 3-4, 4.76, 10-58.2, 56-31, 22-54
Greg Maddux -- 3-4, 3.94, 10-59.1, 66-26, 9-29
Shawn Estes -- 1-0, 2.33, 4-19.1, 14-5, 8-11
Heath Bell - 0-3, 2.67, 24-27.0, 22-8, 9-23
Cla Meredith -- 0-1, 3.91, 25-23.0, 22-10, 6-13
Trevor Hoffman -- 0-3, 4.91, 15-14.2, 14-8, 5-16 (9 saves)
Wil Ledezma -- 0-1, 3.54, 10-28.0, 27-11, 16-22
TEAM PITCHING: 18-32, 4.33, 50-455.1, 453-219, 173-338
OPPO PITCHING: 32-18, 3.44, 50-460.0, 407-158, 163-389.
The injury bug bit during this ten game stretch, with Peavy, Young and Bard going on the DL.
The team batting average improved a bit, with Brian Giles the main contributor (17 for 37). While Adrian Gonzalez slumped (7 for 38, but 4 HR and 10 RBI), Kahlil Greene raised his average a bit. There are way too many strikeouts (96 in these 10 games) and not enough hits (74 in these 10 games), RBIs (32 in these 10 games) or walks (26 in these 10 games).
The key to this team is still pitching - the team will win when the ERA is 3.0, not 4.4, and not before. The starters are getting roughed up - the only consistent starter now is Estes. Ledezma took over for Peavy and got bashed twice, and Mewredith and Henn have not pitched well recently. The new relievers - Corey and Adams, have done well so far.
The hitters need to improve tremendously and average better than 8.2 hits, 3.4 runs, 0.8 homers, 3.3 walks and 7.9 strikeouts per game.
Realistically, we're looking at a 58-104 season at the present rate the team is going. How long will they keep Hairston, Clark, Bard, McAnulty, Gerut, Huber, Maddux, Meredith and Henn if they don't improve? Chase Headley might make a difference if he can hit major league pitching. They've called up all the pitching they can. There are still free agents out there who haven't played since 2007...but that's probably not the answer. We may have to wait until late July to see if someone is willing to give us prospects for the non-performers. Fat chance!
* 10 games, 5-5 overall, 4-3 at home, 1-2 on the road, Runs 32-31, Homers 6-7, team BA 0.282, team ERA 2.97.
* 20 games, 9-11 overall, 5-5 at home, 4-6 on the road, Runs 65-92, Homers 11-14, team BA 0.239, opposition BA 0.241, team ERA 3.88, opposition ERA 2.65.
* 30 games, 11-19 overall, 6-9 at home, 5-10 on the road, Runs 98-139, Homers 21-26, team BA 0.226, opposition BA 0.244, team ERA 4.01, opposition ERA 2.79.
* 40 games, 15-25 overall, 8-10 at home, 7-15 on the road, Runs 135-188, Homers 29-33, team BA 0.234, opposition BA 0.253, team ERA 4.14, opposition ERA 3.35.
Games 41 to 50 summaries:
Game 41, Wednesday, May 14, San Diego at Chicago Cubs: Cubs win 4-0. Ryan Dempster struck out 12 (8.1 IP, 0 R, 6 H, 1 BB, 12 SO) while Greg Maddux was mediocre (4.1 IP, 4 R, 11 H, 0 BB, 1 SO). The Cubs got all four runs in the 5th inning. After 41 games, the Pads are 15-26 overall, 8-10 at home, 7-16 on the road, Runs 135-192, Homers 29-33. They've lost 1 straight won 3 out of 5, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 19 out of 27.
Game 42: Thursday, May 15, San Diego at Chicago Cubs: Cubs win 8-5. Jake Peavy pitched poorly (4 IP, 4 ER, 7 H, 2 BB, 8 SO, lost, now 4-3), falling behind 4-0. The Pads made it 4-3 in the 5th and 6-4 in the 5th, but ther bullpen failed again - 4 runs in 4 innings. After 42 games, the Pads are 15-27 overall, 8-10 at home, 7-17 on the road, Runs 140-200, Homers 29-35. They've lost 2 straight 3 out of 4, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 20 out of 27.
Game 43: Friday, May 16, San Diego at Seattle (AL): Pads win 6-4. Chris Young did not pitch well (6 IP, 4 R, 5 H, 4 BB, 5 SO, won now 4-3) but it was good enough to beat Miguel Batista and the Mariners. The Pads scored 5 runs in the first 3 innings, but the M's got 3 in the 2nd and 1 in the 3rd. The Pads got an insurance run in the 6th and the bullpen (Meredith, Bell, Hoffman - 8th save) pitched 3 scoreless innings. After 43 games, the Pads are 16-27 overall, 8-10 at home, 8-17 on the road, Runs 146-204, Homers 30-36. They've won 1 in a row, lost 3 out of the last 5, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 20 out of 28.
Game 44: Saturday, May 17, San Diego at Seattle (AL): Mariners win 4-2. Randy Wold (6.1 IP, 3 R, 7 H, 1 BB, 5 SO) pitched well enough to win, but Cla Meredith gave up a 2-run homer in the 7th to Adrian Beltre. The Pads only runs were a 2-run homer by Adrian Gonzalez off Eric Bedard in the 4th. Bedard struck out 10 Pads. This was a winnable game - the bullpen failed. After 44 games, the Pads are 16-28 overall, 8-10 at home, 8-18 on the road, Runs 148-208, Homers 31-37. They've lost 1 in a row, lost 4 out of the last 6, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 21 out of 29.
Game 45: Sunday, May 18, San Diego at Seattle (AL): M's win 3-2. Shawn Estes pitched well into the 7th, giving up 1 R on 4 H. Heath Bell gave up 2 runs in the 8th to take the loss. The only Padres runs were another 2-run homer by Adrian Gonzalez off Felix Hernandez. This was another winnable game - the bullpen failed again. After 45 games, the Pads are 16-29 overall, 8-10 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 150-211, Homers 32-37. They've lost 2 in a row, lost 5 out of the last 7, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 22 out of 30.
Game 46: Monday, May 19, St. Louis at San Diego: Cards win 8-2. Wil Ledezma and Justin Germano couldn't stifle the Cards hitting (7 runs on 11 hits in 6 innings) and the Pads mustered all of 6 hits off Wellemeyer. Albert Pujols hit two homers, Izturis and Ludwick hit one as we sat through a pummeling. After 46 games, the Pads are 16-30 overall, 8-11 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 152-219, Homers 32-41. They've lost 3 in a row, lost 6 out of the last 8, and lost 23 out of 30.
Game 47: Tuesday, May 20, St. Louis at San Diego: Pads win 3-2, on a well pitched game by Greg Maddux and the bullpen, with Brian Corey picking up the win (now 1-0), Heath Bell the hold and Trevor Hoffman the save (#9). Kevin Kouzmanoff provided all of the offense with a 3-run homer in the 6th off Joel Pineiro. After 47 games, the Pads are 17-30 overall, 9-11 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 155-221, Homers 33-41. They've won 1 in a row, lost 6 out of the last 9, and lost 23 out of 31.
Game 48: Wednesday, May 21, St. Louis at San Diego: Cards win 11-3, and Chris Young (broken nose) and Josh Bard (ankle sprain) were lost for two weeks or more. The Pads jumped ahead on Adrian Gonzalez home run in the first, but in the 3rd with two on, Pujols lined a ball off Young's face. The Cards scored 3 in the 3rd, 3 in the 4th, 3 in the 6th and 2 in the 8th off the bullpen. After 48 games, the Pads are 17-31 overall, 9-12 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 158-232, Homers 34-42. They've lost 1 in a row, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 24 out of 33.
The Pads optioned Joe Thatcher back to Portland, put Young and Bard on the DL, and released Justin Germano after the game. They called up C Colt Morton, and pitchers Mike Adams, Josh Banks and Jared Wells from Portland.
Game 49: Thursday, May 22, Cincinnati at San Diego: Pads win 8-2. Randy wolf pitched well (7 IP, 2 R, 4 H, 1 BB, 9 SO, won, now 3-4) and the Pads bashed 4 homers after falling behind 2-0 in the first inning on Ken Griffey Jr.'s homer. Adrian Gonzalez pout the Pads ahead in the 5th with a 2-run homer, Kahlil Greene had two solo homers and Kevin Kouzmanoff had a 2-run homer also. Callup Mike Adams pitched two scoreless innings. After 49 games, the Pads are 18-31 overall, 10-12 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 166-234, Homers 38-43. They've won 1 in a row, lost 6 out of the last 10, and lost 24 out of 34.
Game 50: Friday, May 23, Cincinnati at San Diego: Reds win 3-2. Shawn Estes pitched well enough to win, but the Pads scored only two runs on 5 hits off Edinson Volquez (6 IP, 1 R, 2 H, 2 BB, 12 SO) and four Reds relievers - with 17 strikeouts. Adam Dunn hit a solo homer in the 9th off Trevor Hoffman (lost, now 0-3).
After 50 games, the Pads are 18-32 overall, 10-13 at home, 8-19 on the road, Runs 168-237, Homers 38-44. They've lost 1 in a row, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 25 out of 35.
In these 10 games, the Pads were 3-7, 2-3 at home, 1-4 on the road, Runs 33-49, Homers 9-11. They were blown out in two of the losses.
Hitting statistics (Avg, H-AB, HR-RBI, BB-SO) through 50 games:
Jody Gerut -- 0.211, 12-57, 1-3, 8-7
Tadahito Iguchi - 0.258, 49-190, 2-16, 20-40
Brian Giles - 0.306, 55-180, 3-20, 31-21
Adrian Gonzalez - 0.274, 54-197, 13-39, 13-47
Kevin Kouzmanoff - 0.270, 55-204, 5-19, 5-40
Kahlil Greene - 0.230, 42-183, 5-21, 10-44
Scott Hairston - 0.236, 34-144, 5-12, 10-38
Josh Bard - 0.200, 26-130, 0-7, 14-18
Paul McAnulty - 0.195, 15-77, 2-6, 15-19
TEAM HITTING: 0.237, 409-1704, 38-161, 163-389
OPPO HITTING: 0.261, 453-1739, 44-222, 173-338
Pitching Statistics (W-L, ERA, G-IP, H-ER, BB-SO) through 50 games -
Jake Peavy -- 4-3, 2.91, 9-58.2, 48-19, 20-60
Chris Young -- 4-4, 4.50, 10-54.0, 50-27, 30-51
Randy Wolf -- 3-4, 4.76, 10-58.2, 56-31, 22-54
Greg Maddux -- 3-4, 3.94, 10-59.1, 66-26, 9-29
Shawn Estes -- 1-0, 2.33, 4-19.1, 14-5, 8-11
Heath Bell - 0-3, 2.67, 24-27.0, 22-8, 9-23
Cla Meredith -- 0-1, 3.91, 25-23.0, 22-10, 6-13
Trevor Hoffman -- 0-3, 4.91, 15-14.2, 14-8, 5-16 (9 saves)
Wil Ledezma -- 0-1, 3.54, 10-28.0, 27-11, 16-22
TEAM PITCHING: 18-32, 4.33, 50-455.1, 453-219, 173-338
OPPO PITCHING: 32-18, 3.44, 50-460.0, 407-158, 163-389.
The injury bug bit during this ten game stretch, with Peavy, Young and Bard going on the DL.
The team batting average improved a bit, with Brian Giles the main contributor (17 for 37). While Adrian Gonzalez slumped (7 for 38, but 4 HR and 10 RBI), Kahlil Greene raised his average a bit. There are way too many strikeouts (96 in these 10 games) and not enough hits (74 in these 10 games), RBIs (32 in these 10 games) or walks (26 in these 10 games).
The key to this team is still pitching - the team will win when the ERA is 3.0, not 4.4, and not before. The starters are getting roughed up - the only consistent starter now is Estes. Ledezma took over for Peavy and got bashed twice, and Mewredith and Henn have not pitched well recently. The new relievers - Corey and Adams, have done well so far.
The hitters need to improve tremendously and average better than 8.2 hits, 3.4 runs, 0.8 homers, 3.3 walks and 7.9 strikeouts per game.
Realistically, we're looking at a 58-104 season at the present rate the team is going. How long will they keep Hairston, Clark, Bard, McAnulty, Gerut, Huber, Maddux, Meredith and Henn if they don't improve? Chase Headley might make a difference if he can hit major league pitching. They've called up all the pitching they can. There are still free agents out there who haven't played since 2007...but that's probably not the answer. We may have to wait until late July to see if someone is willing to give us prospects for the non-performers. Fat chance!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Don't mess with old dogs!
A wealthy old man decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking his faithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says...
'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says...
'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
Dear Abby
Dear Abby...
I am a 60-year-old woman who is married to a man who acts like he hates me. In public, he pretends he loves me and talks about how wonderful I am. But in private, he shakes his finger in my face and calls me the "B" word. He constantly tells me how ugly I am without make-up. I've tried everything, including a face-lift, botox treatments, and a chin tuck. I even went on a diet and lost 20 pounds.
He quit his job a few years ago after having an affair with a woman in his office. He hasn't even looked for another job. We haven't slept together since I confronted him about the affair. He denied it, of course, but everybody knew it. It was humiliating. I believe he is still messing around.
While we both want to sell this house, we argue constantly about when to put it on the market. The house we want will be available in a few months. My husband wants to put our house on the market now. I think we should wait a while. He has already started collecting boxes and packing up his stuff. Do you think he is planning to leave me?
Signed, Worried in NY.
I am a 60-year-old woman who is married to a man who acts like he hates me. In public, he pretends he loves me and talks about how wonderful I am. But in private, he shakes his finger in my face and calls me the "B" word. He constantly tells me how ugly I am without make-up. I've tried everything, including a face-lift, botox treatments, and a chin tuck. I even went on a diet and lost 20 pounds.
He quit his job a few years ago after having an affair with a woman in his office. He hasn't even looked for another job. We haven't slept together since I confronted him about the affair. He denied it, of course, but everybody knew it. It was humiliating. I believe he is still messing around.
While we both want to sell this house, we argue constantly about when to put it on the market. The house we want will be available in a few months. My husband wants to put our house on the market now. I think we should wait a while. He has already started collecting boxes and packing up his stuff. Do you think he is planning to leave me?
Signed, Worried in NY.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Holy humor
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country."Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
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Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
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A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
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A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
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People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
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Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
=======
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country."Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========
Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
========
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Vote carefully this year ...
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this year...the bells are not always audible.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this year...the bells are not always audible.
Things my mother taught me ...
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
The Oil Change
Oil Change instructions for Women :
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle
Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00Coffee: $1.00Total: $21.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of bee r, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:Parts: $50.00; DUI: $2500.00; Impound fee: $75.00; Bail: $1500.00; Beer: $20.00. Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle
Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00Coffee: $1.00Total: $21.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of bee r, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:Parts: $50.00; DUI: $2500.00; Impound fee: $75.00; Bail: $1500.00; Beer: $20.00. Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
They're everywhere ...
From my email - I don't frequent these places ...
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back ... same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free". She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!". Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where"?
While looking at a house, my brother asked the Real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked Him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
They Walk Among Us, and they Reproduce, and Worst of all ............. THEY VOTE
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back ... same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free". She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!". Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where"?
While looking at a house, my brother asked the Real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked Him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
They Walk Among Us, and they Reproduce, and Worst of all ............. THEY VOTE
Great Ideas
Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to pick the little "stringy things" off of it. That's how the primates do it.
Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.
Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!
Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.
Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.
To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.
For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed. Melt Andes mints in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.
Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.
Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simply chop them up with the food chopper.
Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream. Yummm!
Reheat Pizza: Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.
Easy Deviled Eggs: Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.
Expanding Frosting: When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.
Reheating refrigerated bread: To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.
Newspaper weeds away: Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers, put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and for-get about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.
Broken Glass: Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.
No More Mosquitoes: Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.
Squirrel Away! To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.
Flexible vacuum: To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.
Reducing Static Cling: Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and ... ta da! ... static is gone.
Measuring Cups: Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.
Foggy Windshield? Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car .. When the window s fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!
Reopening envelope: If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.
Conditioner: Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.
Goodbye Fruit Flies: To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2" with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!
Get Rid of Ants: Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it "home," can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!
Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.
Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!
Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.
Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.
To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.
For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed. Melt Andes mints in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.
Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.
Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simply chop them up with the food chopper.
Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream. Yummm!
Reheat Pizza: Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.
Easy Deviled Eggs: Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.
Expanding Frosting: When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.
Reheating refrigerated bread: To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.
Newspaper weeds away: Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers, put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and for-get about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.
Broken Glass: Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.
No More Mosquitoes: Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.
Squirrel Away! To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.
Flexible vacuum: To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.
Reducing Static Cling: Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and ... ta da! ... static is gone.
Measuring Cups: Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.
Foggy Windshield? Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car .. When the window s fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!
Reopening envelope: If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.
Conditioner: Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.
Goodbye Fruit Flies: To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2" with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!
Get Rid of Ants: Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it "home," can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!
The Crabby Old Man
When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte, Nebraska, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.
Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital .One nurse took her copy to Missouri.
The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health.
A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.
And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crabby Old Man
What do you see nurses? . . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . . when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, . . . not very wise,
Uncertain of habit . . . . . . . with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food . . . . . . . and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice . . . . . "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice . . . the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . . . . . . . lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . . . . . The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? . . . . Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . . you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am, . . . . . . . . as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . . . . as I eat at your will
I'm a small child of Ten . . . . . . . with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . . . . . . . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . . . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty. . . . . .My heart gives a leap.
Remembering the vows . . . . . . that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . . . . . . I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . . . . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . . . . . . With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons . . have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . . . . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, . Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . . . . My loved one and me .
Dark days are upon me . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future . . . . . . . . .. . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing . . . . . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age. . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles . . . . . . . . . . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . . . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . . A young guy still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . . . . . . . . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years . all too few . . . . . . gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . . . . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people . . . . . . open and see..
Not a crabby old man . Look closer . . . see . . . . . . . ME!!
Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital .One nurse took her copy to Missouri.
The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health.
A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.
And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crabby Old Man
What do you see nurses? . . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . . when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, . . . not very wise,
Uncertain of habit . . . . . . . with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food . . . . . . . and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice . . . . . "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice . . . the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . . . . . . . lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . . . . . The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? . . . . Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . . you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am, . . . . . . . . as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . . . . as I eat at your will
I'm a small child of Ten . . . . . . . with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . . . . . . . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . . . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty. . . . . .My heart gives a leap.
Remembering the vows . . . . . . that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . . . . . . I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . . . . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . . . . . . With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons . . have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . . . . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, . Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . . . . My loved one and me .
Dark days are upon me . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future . . . . . . . . .. . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing . . . . . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age. . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles . . . . . . . . . . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . . . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . . A young guy still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . . . . . . . . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years . all too few . . . . . . gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . . . . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people . . . . . . open and see..
Not a crabby old man . Look closer . . . see . . . . . . . ME!!
Padres 2008 - Games 31-40
Here is the Padres' history for each 10-game block of the 2008 season so far:
* 10 games, 5-5 overall, 4-3 at home, 1-2 on the road, Runs 32-31, Homers 6-7, team BA 0.282, team ERA 2.97.
* 20 games, 9-11 overall, 5-5 at home, 4-6 on the road, Runs 65-92, Homers 11-14, team BA 0.239, opposition BA 0.241, team ERA 3.88, opposition ERA 2.65.
* 30 games, 11-19 overall, 6-9 at home, 5-10 on the road, Runs 98-139, Homers 21-26, team BA 0.226, opposition BA 0.244, team ERA 4.01, opposition ERA 2.79.
Games 31 to 40 summaries:
* Game 31, Saturday, May 3, San Diego at Florida: Pads win 7-2. Jake Peavy broke the losing streak (5.2 IP, 2 R, 5 H, 2 BB, 8 SO, won, now 4-1) with 3 scoreless innings from the bullpen. The Pads won with timely hitting (7 runs on 14 hits, including Gonzalez with 3 hits and homer #7, and two hits by Iguchi, Kouzmanoff and Edmonds). After 31 games, the Pads are 12-19 overall, 6-9 at home, 6-10 on the road, Runs 105-141, Homers 22-27. They've won 1 straight, lost 9 out of 12, and lost 13 out of 17.
* Game 32, Sunday, May 4, San Diego at Florida: Fish win 10-3. This was a 3-2 game until the 6th, but Greg Maddux (5.2 IP, 4 ER, 11 H, 1 BB, 4 SO, lost, now 2-3) and three relievers gave up 7 runs in the last 3 innings. The Pads got 2 runs early, with Gonzalez getting his 8th homer in the third. After 32 games, the Pads are 12-20 overall, 6-9 at home, 6-11 on the road, Runs 108-151, Homers 23-28. They've lost 1 straight, lost 10 out of 13, and lost 14 out of 18.
* Game 33, Tuesday, May 6, San Diego at Atlanta: Braves win 5-3. Chris Young pitched poorly (5 IP, 5 R, 9 H, 2 BB, 4 SO), and Jair Jurrgens shut the Pads down over 7 innings (1 R, 7 H, 1 BB, 8 SO). The Pads had 11 hits, 4 by Giles, but could not bring runners in scoring position across the plate. After 33 games, the Pads are 12-21 overall, 6-9 at home, 6-12 on the road, Runs 111-156, Homers 23-30. They've lost 2 straight, lost 11 out of 14, and lost 15 out of 19.
* Game 34, Wednesday, May 7, San Diego at Atlanta: Braves win 5-2. Randy Wolf pitched poorly again (6 IP, 5 R, 8 H, 4 BB, 1 SO, lost, now 1-2) and the Pads scored only 2 runs off Tim Hudson (on a balk and DP). Pitiful hitting. After 34 games, the Pads are 12-22 overall, 6-9 at home, 6-13 on the road, Runs 113-161, Homers 23-30. They've lost 3 straight, lost 12 out of 15, and lost 16 out of 20.
* Game 35, Thursday, May 8, San Diego at Atlanta: Braves win 5-4 with a walk-off bases-loaded single in the 9th. Wil Ledezma and Shawn Estes pitched adequately, but the Pads made 3 errors to give the Braves 3 unearned runs in the 6th and 7th. In the 9th, Thatcher loaded the bases, then gave up the hit to seal the loss. After 35 games, the Pads are 12-23 overall, 6-9 at home, 6-14 on the road, Runs 117-166, Homers 23-30. They've lost 4 straight, lost 13 out of 16, and lost 17 out of 21.
Jim Edmonds was cut, and OF Jody Gerut was called up from Portland in his place. C Colt Morton was sent to San Antonio and replaced by 2A C Luke Carlin.
* Game 36, Friday, May 9, Colorado at San Diego: Rocks win 4-2. This was a winnable game, but Jake Peavy gave up 3 runs in the 6th (5 IP, 3 R, 7 H, 2 BB, 6 SO, lost now 4-2). Aaron Cook outpitched Peavy, giving up only 1 run on 3 hits in 7 innings. Kouzmanoff hit a homer in the 9th for the final run. Too little, too late, as the hitting woes continue. After 36 games, the Pads are 12-24 overall, 6-10 at home, 6-14 on the road, Runs 119-170, Homers 24-31. They've lost 5 straight, 8 out of the last 10, and lost 18 out of 22.
* Game 37, Saturday, May 10, Colorado at San Diego: Pads win, 3-2. Greg Maddux pitched well (6 IP, 0 ER, 3 H, 0 BB, 1 SO, won, now 3-3) and the bullpen did its job, with Hoffman getting his 6th save. The Pads got a 3-run homer from Adrian Gonzalez in the 4th off Ubaldo Jimenez, who struck out 11 in 6.2 innings. After 37 games, the Pads are 13-24 overall, 7-10 at home, 6-14 on the road, Runs 122-172, Homers 25-31. They've won 1 straight, lost 5 out of 6, 7 out of the last 10, and lost 18 out of 23.
LHP Glendon Rusch was sent out with the claim of LHP Sean Henn from the Yankees, and LHP Joe Thatcher was optioned to Portland and RHP pitcher Brian Corey was obtained from the Boston Red Sox. Callix Crabbe was cut also.
* Game 38, Sunday, May 11, Colorado at San Diego: Pads win 6-1. Chris Young pitched well (6 IP, 1 R, 5 H, 2 BB, 7 SO, won, now 3-3) and the bullpen finished it off again (Meredith, Bell and Corey). Scott Hairston and Kahlil Greene hit homers as the Pads scored in the 5th through 8th innings to win it. After 38 games, the Pads are 14-24 overall, 8-10 at home, 6-14 on the road, Runs 128-173, Homers 27-31. They've won 2 straight, lost 5 out of 7, 7 out of the last 10, and lost 18 out of 24.
* Game 39, Monday, May 12, San Diego at Chicago Cubs. Cubs win 12-3. This was a good game until the 5th when the Cubbies beat up on Randy Wolf (4 IP, 7 R, 8 H, 5 BB, 2 SO, lost, now 2-3) for 6 runs. The pads had taken a 2-1 lead on Jody Gerut's first homer in the top of the 5th. The Cubs scored 5 more in the 6th off Justin Henn. A forgettable game. After 39 games, the Pads are 14-25 overall, 8-10 at home, 6-15 on the road, Runs 131-185, Homers 28-32. They've lost 1 straight, lost 6 out of 8, 7 out of the last 10, and lost 19 out of the last 25.
* Game 40, Tuesday, May 13, San Diego at Chicago Cubs. Pads win 4-3 in a game that saw rain throughout. Shawn Estes pitched into the 6th to get the win. Kahlil Greene hit a 3-run homer in the top of the 4th to tie the game at 3, and an RBI single by Jody Gerut drove in the 4th run. The bullpen - Meredith, Bell and hoffman shut the Cubbies down in the last 4 innings. After 40 games, the Pads are 15-25 overall, 8-10 at home, 7-15 on the road, Runs 135-188, Homers 29-33. They've won 1 straight and 3 out of 4, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 18 out of 26.
In these 10 games, the Pads were 4-6, 2-1 at home, 2-5 on the road, Runs 37-49, Homers 8-7. They were blown out in two of the losses.
Hitting statistics (Avg, H-AB, HR-RBI, BB-SO) through 40 games:
Jody Gerut -- 0.200, 5-25, 1-2, 3-3
Tadahito Iguchi - 0.255, 39-153, 1-11, 17-28
Brian Giles - 0.266, 38-143, 3-16, 25-16
Adrian Gonzalez - 0.296, 47-159, 9-29, 12-34
Kevin Kouzmanoff - 0.273, 45-165, 3-14, 4-26
Kahlil Greene - 0.218, 32-147, 3-17, 9-33
Scott Hairston - 0.230, 26-113, 5-11, 8-29
Josh Bard - 0.205, 23-112, 0-6, 14-14
TEAM HITTING: 0.234, 325-1390, 29-129, 137-293
OPPO HITTING: 0.253, 353-1396, 33-173, 143-273
Pitching Statistics (W-L, ERA, G-IP, H-ER, BB-SO) through 40 games -
Jake Peavy -- 4-2, 2.47, 8-54.2, 41-15, 18-52
Chris Young -- 3-3, 3.94, 8-45.2, 41-20, 25-44
Randy Wolf -- 2-3, 5.16, 8-45.1, 45-26, 20-40
Greg Maddux -- 3-3, 3.60, 8-50.0, 50-20, 8-26
Shawn Estes -- 1-0, 2.57, 2-7.0, 9-2, 2-4
Justin Germano -- 0-3, 5.79, 8-37.1, 44-24, 11-16
Heath Bell - 0-2, 2.38, 20-22.2, 17-6, 7-16
Cla Meredith -- 0-1, 2.75, 21-19.2, 14-6, 3-12
Trevor Hoffman -- 0-2, 5.40, 12-11.2, 11-7, 5-12 (7 saves)
Wil Ledezma -- 0-0, 1.61, 8-22.1, 17-4, 14-19
TEAM PITCHING: 15-25, 4.14, 40-369.1, 353-170, 143-273
OPPO PITCHING: 25-15, 3.35, 40-376.0, 324-126, 136-292.
The lineup has changed a bit, with Jody Gerut leading off, dropping Giles to third. The four weakest hitting positions are left field, center field, shortstop and catcher. Hopefully, one of the three left-fielders (Hairston, McAnulty, Huber) will heat up and Gerut, Greene and Bard will improve their averages a bit.
The key to this team is still pitching - the team will win when the ERA is 3.0, not 4.0, and not before. Unless the hitters improve tremendously and average more than 8.2 hits, 3.4 runs, 0.7 homers, 3.2 walks and 7.3 strikeouts per game.
* 10 games, 5-5 overall, 4-3 at home, 1-2 on the road, Runs 32-31, Homers 6-7, team BA 0.282, team ERA 2.97.
* 20 games, 9-11 overall, 5-5 at home, 4-6 on the road, Runs 65-92, Homers 11-14, team BA 0.239, opposition BA 0.241, team ERA 3.88, opposition ERA 2.65.
* 30 games, 11-19 overall, 6-9 at home, 5-10 on the road, Runs 98-139, Homers 21-26, team BA 0.226, opposition BA 0.244, team ERA 4.01, opposition ERA 2.79.
Games 31 to 40 summaries:
* Game 31, Saturday, May 3, San Diego at Florida: Pads win 7-2. Jake Peavy broke the losing streak (5.2 IP, 2 R, 5 H, 2 BB, 8 SO, won, now 4-1) with 3 scoreless innings from the bullpen. The Pads won with timely hitting (7 runs on 14 hits, including Gonzalez with 3 hits and homer #7, and two hits by Iguchi, Kouzmanoff and Edmonds). After 31 games, the Pads are 12-19 overall, 6-9 at home, 6-10 on the road, Runs 105-141, Homers 22-27. They've won 1 straight, lost 9 out of 12, and lost 13 out of 17.
* Game 32, Sunday, May 4, San Diego at Florida: Fish win 10-3. This was a 3-2 game until the 6th, but Greg Maddux (5.2 IP, 4 ER, 11 H, 1 BB, 4 SO, lost, now 2-3) and three relievers gave up 7 runs in the last 3 innings. The Pads got 2 runs early, with Gonzalez getting his 8th homer in the third. After 32 games, the Pads are 12-20 overall, 6-9 at home, 6-11 on the road, Runs 108-151, Homers 23-28. They've lost 1 straight, lost 10 out of 13, and lost 14 out of 18.
* Game 33, Tuesday, May 6, San Diego at Atlanta: Braves win 5-3. Chris Young pitched poorly (5 IP, 5 R, 9 H, 2 BB, 4 SO), and Jair Jurrgens shut the Pads down over 7 innings (1 R, 7 H, 1 BB, 8 SO). The Pads had 11 hits, 4 by Giles, but could not bring runners in scoring position across the plate. After 33 games, the Pads are 12-21 overall, 6-9 at home, 6-12 on the road, Runs 111-156, Homers 23-30. They've lost 2 straight, lost 11 out of 14, and lost 15 out of 19.
* Game 34, Wednesday, May 7, San Diego at Atlanta: Braves win 5-2. Randy Wolf pitched poorly again (6 IP, 5 R, 8 H, 4 BB, 1 SO, lost, now 1-2) and the Pads scored only 2 runs off Tim Hudson (on a balk and DP). Pitiful hitting. After 34 games, the Pads are 12-22 overall, 6-9 at home, 6-13 on the road, Runs 113-161, Homers 23-30. They've lost 3 straight, lost 12 out of 15, and lost 16 out of 20.
* Game 35, Thursday, May 8, San Diego at Atlanta: Braves win 5-4 with a walk-off bases-loaded single in the 9th. Wil Ledezma and Shawn Estes pitched adequately, but the Pads made 3 errors to give the Braves 3 unearned runs in the 6th and 7th. In the 9th, Thatcher loaded the bases, then gave up the hit to seal the loss. After 35 games, the Pads are 12-23 overall, 6-9 at home, 6-14 on the road, Runs 117-166, Homers 23-30. They've lost 4 straight, lost 13 out of 16, and lost 17 out of 21.
Jim Edmonds was cut, and OF Jody Gerut was called up from Portland in his place. C Colt Morton was sent to San Antonio and replaced by 2A C Luke Carlin.
* Game 36, Friday, May 9, Colorado at San Diego: Rocks win 4-2. This was a winnable game, but Jake Peavy gave up 3 runs in the 6th (5 IP, 3 R, 7 H, 2 BB, 6 SO, lost now 4-2). Aaron Cook outpitched Peavy, giving up only 1 run on 3 hits in 7 innings. Kouzmanoff hit a homer in the 9th for the final run. Too little, too late, as the hitting woes continue. After 36 games, the Pads are 12-24 overall, 6-10 at home, 6-14 on the road, Runs 119-170, Homers 24-31. They've lost 5 straight, 8 out of the last 10, and lost 18 out of 22.
* Game 37, Saturday, May 10, Colorado at San Diego: Pads win, 3-2. Greg Maddux pitched well (6 IP, 0 ER, 3 H, 0 BB, 1 SO, won, now 3-3) and the bullpen did its job, with Hoffman getting his 6th save. The Pads got a 3-run homer from Adrian Gonzalez in the 4th off Ubaldo Jimenez, who struck out 11 in 6.2 innings. After 37 games, the Pads are 13-24 overall, 7-10 at home, 6-14 on the road, Runs 122-172, Homers 25-31. They've won 1 straight, lost 5 out of 6, 7 out of the last 10, and lost 18 out of 23.
LHP Glendon Rusch was sent out with the claim of LHP Sean Henn from the Yankees, and LHP Joe Thatcher was optioned to Portland and RHP pitcher Brian Corey was obtained from the Boston Red Sox. Callix Crabbe was cut also.
* Game 38, Sunday, May 11, Colorado at San Diego: Pads win 6-1. Chris Young pitched well (6 IP, 1 R, 5 H, 2 BB, 7 SO, won, now 3-3) and the bullpen finished it off again (Meredith, Bell and Corey). Scott Hairston and Kahlil Greene hit homers as the Pads scored in the 5th through 8th innings to win it. After 38 games, the Pads are 14-24 overall, 8-10 at home, 6-14 on the road, Runs 128-173, Homers 27-31. They've won 2 straight, lost 5 out of 7, 7 out of the last 10, and lost 18 out of 24.
* Game 39, Monday, May 12, San Diego at Chicago Cubs. Cubs win 12-3. This was a good game until the 5th when the Cubbies beat up on Randy Wolf (4 IP, 7 R, 8 H, 5 BB, 2 SO, lost, now 2-3) for 6 runs. The pads had taken a 2-1 lead on Jody Gerut's first homer in the top of the 5th. The Cubs scored 5 more in the 6th off Justin Henn. A forgettable game. After 39 games, the Pads are 14-25 overall, 8-10 at home, 6-15 on the road, Runs 131-185, Homers 28-32. They've lost 1 straight, lost 6 out of 8, 7 out of the last 10, and lost 19 out of the last 25.
* Game 40, Tuesday, May 13, San Diego at Chicago Cubs. Pads win 4-3 in a game that saw rain throughout. Shawn Estes pitched into the 6th to get the win. Kahlil Greene hit a 3-run homer in the top of the 4th to tie the game at 3, and an RBI single by Jody Gerut drove in the 4th run. The bullpen - Meredith, Bell and hoffman shut the Cubbies down in the last 4 innings. After 40 games, the Pads are 15-25 overall, 8-10 at home, 7-15 on the road, Runs 135-188, Homers 29-33. They've won 1 straight and 3 out of 4, lost 7 out of the last 10, and lost 18 out of 26.
In these 10 games, the Pads were 4-6, 2-1 at home, 2-5 on the road, Runs 37-49, Homers 8-7. They were blown out in two of the losses.
Hitting statistics (Avg, H-AB, HR-RBI, BB-SO) through 40 games:
Jody Gerut -- 0.200, 5-25, 1-2, 3-3
Tadahito Iguchi - 0.255, 39-153, 1-11, 17-28
Brian Giles - 0.266, 38-143, 3-16, 25-16
Adrian Gonzalez - 0.296, 47-159, 9-29, 12-34
Kevin Kouzmanoff - 0.273, 45-165, 3-14, 4-26
Kahlil Greene - 0.218, 32-147, 3-17, 9-33
Scott Hairston - 0.230, 26-113, 5-11, 8-29
Josh Bard - 0.205, 23-112, 0-6, 14-14
TEAM HITTING: 0.234, 325-1390, 29-129, 137-293
OPPO HITTING: 0.253, 353-1396, 33-173, 143-273
Pitching Statistics (W-L, ERA, G-IP, H-ER, BB-SO) through 40 games -
Jake Peavy -- 4-2, 2.47, 8-54.2, 41-15, 18-52
Chris Young -- 3-3, 3.94, 8-45.2, 41-20, 25-44
Randy Wolf -- 2-3, 5.16, 8-45.1, 45-26, 20-40
Greg Maddux -- 3-3, 3.60, 8-50.0, 50-20, 8-26
Shawn Estes -- 1-0, 2.57, 2-7.0, 9-2, 2-4
Justin Germano -- 0-3, 5.79, 8-37.1, 44-24, 11-16
Heath Bell - 0-2, 2.38, 20-22.2, 17-6, 7-16
Cla Meredith -- 0-1, 2.75, 21-19.2, 14-6, 3-12
Trevor Hoffman -- 0-2, 5.40, 12-11.2, 11-7, 5-12 (7 saves)
Wil Ledezma -- 0-0, 1.61, 8-22.1, 17-4, 14-19
TEAM PITCHING: 15-25, 4.14, 40-369.1, 353-170, 143-273
OPPO PITCHING: 25-15, 3.35, 40-376.0, 324-126, 136-292.
The lineup has changed a bit, with Jody Gerut leading off, dropping Giles to third. The four weakest hitting positions are left field, center field, shortstop and catcher. Hopefully, one of the three left-fielders (Hairston, McAnulty, Huber) will heat up and Gerut, Greene and Bard will improve their averages a bit.
The key to this team is still pitching - the team will win when the ERA is 3.0, not 4.0, and not before. Unless the hitters improve tremendously and average more than 8.2 hits, 3.4 runs, 0.7 homers, 3.2 walks and 7.3 strikeouts per game.
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