A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day before Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Denver and tell her.'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this,' She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says, 'they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Is it a big number?
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 'Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.'
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!'
Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving and there is that risk involved.'
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!'
Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving and there is that risk involved.'
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'
Thursday, November 13, 2008
NFL Picks - Week 11
The tenth week of the NFL regular season is history -- I was 12-2 in week 10 picking winners (79-51 on the year), while Las Vegas was 8-3-3 picking winners in week 10 (93-47-4 on the year).
Here are my picks for Week 11 (solely based on my Power Ratings with a 3-point edge for home field - Las Vegas odds in () ):
THURSDAY, 13 November
New York Jets (6-3) (+3) at New England (6-3): New England by 1
SUNDAY, 16 November:
San Diego (4-5) (+4.5) at Pittsburgh (6-3): Pittsburgh by 8
Denver (5-4) (+5.5) at Atlanta (6-3): Atlanta by 8
Oakland (2-7) (+10.5) at Miami (5-4): Miami by 15
Baltimore (6-3) (+6.5) at New York Giants (8-1): New York Giants by 9
Houston (3-6) (+8.5) at Indianapolis (5-4): Indianapolis by 9
Tennessee (9-0) (-3) at Jacksonville (4-5): Tennessee by 18
Chicago (5-4) (off) at Green Bay (4-5): even
Philadelphia (5-4) (-9) at Cincinnati (1-8): Philadelphia by 15
New Orleans (4-5) (-4.5) at Kansas City (1-8): New Orleans by 9
Detroit (0-9) (+14) at Carolina (7-2): Carolina by 26
Minnesota (5-4) (+4) at Tampa Bay (6-3): Tampa Bay by 8
St. Louis (2-7) (+6.5) at San Francisco (2-7): San Francisco by 8
Arizona (6-3) (-3) at Seattle (2-7): Arizona by 11
Dallas (5-4) (-2) at Washington (6-3): Washington by 5
MONDAY, 17 November:
Cleveland (3-6) (+4.5) at Buffalo (5-4): Buffalo by 8
I think the highest potential for upsets are Kansas City over New Orleans, Cleveland over Buffalo, and Dallas over Washington.
Here are my NFL power ratings after ten weeks:
1. Tennessee Titans (9-0) -- 34
2. New York Giants (8-1) -- 32
3. Carolina Panthers (7-2) -- 28
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3) -- 26
5. Tampa Bay Bucs (6-3) -- 26
6. Baltimore Ravens (6-3) -- 26
7. New York Jets (6-3) -- 26
8. Arizona Cardinals (6-3) -- 26
9. Philadelphia Eagles (6-3) -- 25
10. Atlanta Falcons (6-3) -- 25
11. New England Patriots (6-3) -- 24
12. Chicago Bears (5-4) -- 23
13. Washington Redskins (6-3) -- 23
14. Buffalo Bills (5-4) -- 21
15. Dallas Cowboys (5-4) -- 21
16. San Diego Chargers (4-5) -- 21
17. Indianapolis Colts (5-4) -- 21
18. Minnesota Vikings (5-4) -- 21
19. Miami Dolphins (5-4) -- 21
20. Green Bay Packers (4-5) -- 20
21. New Orleans Saints (4-5) -- 20
22. Denver Broncos (5-4) - 20
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-6) -- 19
24. Cleveland Browns (3-6) -- 16
25. Houston Texans (3-6) -- 15
26. Seattle Seahawks (2-7) -- 12
27. San Francisco 49ers (2-7) -- 12
28. Oakland Raiders (2-7) -- 9
29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-8) -- 8
30. St. Louis Rams (2-7) -- 7
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8) -- 7
32. Detroit Lions (0-9) -- 5
My Chargers needed a break to beat the Chiefs 20-19 - the Chiefs went for two points in the last minute, and lost it. The Chargers run offense was poor, and the defense was porous. They go up against the 6-3 Steelers, who are smarting from a close loss to the Colts. I think the Steelers will run the ball well, stuff the Chargers run and pass. I'll call it Steelers 20, Chargers 9.
Here are my picks for Week 11 (solely based on my Power Ratings with a 3-point edge for home field - Las Vegas odds in () ):
THURSDAY, 13 November
New York Jets (6-3) (+3) at New England (6-3): New England by 1
SUNDAY, 16 November:
San Diego (4-5) (+4.5) at Pittsburgh (6-3): Pittsburgh by 8
Denver (5-4) (+5.5) at Atlanta (6-3): Atlanta by 8
Oakland (2-7) (+10.5) at Miami (5-4): Miami by 15
Baltimore (6-3) (+6.5) at New York Giants (8-1): New York Giants by 9
Houston (3-6) (+8.5) at Indianapolis (5-4): Indianapolis by 9
Tennessee (9-0) (-3) at Jacksonville (4-5): Tennessee by 18
Chicago (5-4) (off) at Green Bay (4-5): even
Philadelphia (5-4) (-9) at Cincinnati (1-8): Philadelphia by 15
New Orleans (4-5) (-4.5) at Kansas City (1-8): New Orleans by 9
Detroit (0-9) (+14) at Carolina (7-2): Carolina by 26
Minnesota (5-4) (+4) at Tampa Bay (6-3): Tampa Bay by 8
St. Louis (2-7) (+6.5) at San Francisco (2-7): San Francisco by 8
Arizona (6-3) (-3) at Seattle (2-7): Arizona by 11
Dallas (5-4) (-2) at Washington (6-3): Washington by 5
MONDAY, 17 November:
Cleveland (3-6) (+4.5) at Buffalo (5-4): Buffalo by 8
I think the highest potential for upsets are Kansas City over New Orleans, Cleveland over Buffalo, and Dallas over Washington.
Here are my NFL power ratings after ten weeks:
1. Tennessee Titans (9-0) -- 34
2. New York Giants (8-1) -- 32
3. Carolina Panthers (7-2) -- 28
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3) -- 26
5. Tampa Bay Bucs (6-3) -- 26
6. Baltimore Ravens (6-3) -- 26
7. New York Jets (6-3) -- 26
8. Arizona Cardinals (6-3) -- 26
9. Philadelphia Eagles (6-3) -- 25
10. Atlanta Falcons (6-3) -- 25
11. New England Patriots (6-3) -- 24
12. Chicago Bears (5-4) -- 23
13. Washington Redskins (6-3) -- 23
14. Buffalo Bills (5-4) -- 21
15. Dallas Cowboys (5-4) -- 21
16. San Diego Chargers (4-5) -- 21
17. Indianapolis Colts (5-4) -- 21
18. Minnesota Vikings (5-4) -- 21
19. Miami Dolphins (5-4) -- 21
20. Green Bay Packers (4-5) -- 20
21. New Orleans Saints (4-5) -- 20
22. Denver Broncos (5-4) - 20
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-6) -- 19
24. Cleveland Browns (3-6) -- 16
25. Houston Texans (3-6) -- 15
26. Seattle Seahawks (2-7) -- 12
27. San Francisco 49ers (2-7) -- 12
28. Oakland Raiders (2-7) -- 9
29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-8) -- 8
30. St. Louis Rams (2-7) -- 7
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8) -- 7
32. Detroit Lions (0-9) -- 5
My Chargers needed a break to beat the Chiefs 20-19 - the Chiefs went for two points in the last minute, and lost it. The Chargers run offense was poor, and the defense was porous. They go up against the 6-3 Steelers, who are smarting from a close loss to the Colts. I think the Steelers will run the ball well, stuff the Chargers run and pass. I'll call it Steelers 20, Chargers 9.
Obama's Background Check
Who in the world would ever think of applying to serve in the Obama administration - see the application at background check pdf
I can see that the FBI and Secret Service will be very busy over the next few years trying to staff the positions in the White House and the different executive departments.
I can see that the FBI and Secret Service will be very busy over the next few years trying to staff the positions in the White House and the different executive departments.
Are we Failing like Japan?
From my email - an article on Motley Fool by Bill Mann:
In 1990 I spent a heady summer living in a very rural part of Japan. It was an incredible time to be there, the dawning of the age of Japanese hegemony. Japanese land, which comprised less than 0.1% of the world, was being valued at an estimated $20 trillion dollars, or 20% of the world's wealth at that time. Business leaders the world round were flooding into Japan to study the "Japanese Economic Miracle," and sought to implement its keiretsu and zaibatsu corporate structures.
We were in the middle of nowhere, but all around our little town, land was being chewed up to build golf courses that offered memberships primarily to businessmen from Okayama and Osaka, cities that were each a multi-hour ferry and train ride away. The cost of membership ran in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, and there was a long waiting list.
It didn't last.
The trouble with the Japanese miracle was that its basis wasn't management superiority -- though the country had some of the most admired companies in the world, including Toyota (NYSE: TM) and Sony (NYSE: SNE). Rather, the miracle in Japan was based upon over-loaning from the government to industrial conglomerates, which led, inevitably, to a bubble.
Unfortunately, the aftereffects of the Japanese bubble persist to this day, and they have deep implications as the American government considers making bailout loans to the Big Three: General Motors (NYSE: GM), Ford (NYSE: F), and Chrysler.
Why Japan continues to fail In late 1989 the Nikkei 225, Japan's leading stock index, hit an intraday high of 38,957. Today, 19 years later, it's at 8,800. This multi-decade loss speaks to two things -- one, just how out of control Japan's asset bubble was, and two, for the sake of maintaining jobs, the Japanese government has not not made the hard decisions that would have allowed the country to grow.
In the aftermath of the bubble, Japan's government rushed in to prop up its banking system, which was teetering under the weight of nonperforming loans. Rather than letting businesses fail, this has had the effect of propping them up to continue operating. To this day the scope of the problem is still not known.
Without this information, investors both in Japan and outside have made a logical conclusion -- to take their investment dollars elsewhere. Japan's industrial sector has failed to meet its cost of capital over the last 20 years, in large measure because the government has allowed capital-destroying companies to continue to operate. Had these companies been allowed to fail, Japan long ago could have flushed out its system and gotten back on the road to economic health. In the name of protecting jobs, Japan's economy has continued to sputter, punctuated by spectacular bankruptcies in cases where the facade could not hold up. The cost of propping them up has been much, much more economic pain. Japanese call the long economic downturn ushinawareta junen, the lost decade.
Sure, but it's not your job we're talking about As I look at the pressure being placed on the U.S. government to bail out or even nationalize American auto manufacturers, I see the same faulty logic being used. So desperate is the government to protect these jobs and these massive companies that it is willing to spend taxpayer money to keep Detroit afloat. It might be a good use of capital if the Big Three were thriving companies that had simply suffered from exogenous events that they'd reacted to improperly. But they aren't. These companies are sick and dying, and they have not generated a positive capital return in decades.
It's not as if this were an unpredictable outcome, as I noted in 2003 when GM raised $13 billion in debt to shore up its pension system. To what end would we bail out these companies? To keep them from collapsing? Wake up -- they have already collapsed.
The "end," of course, would be to keep thousands of jobs, particularly in Michigan and Indiana, from disappearing, to keep pensioners from being mauled at a point in their lives when they cannot afford it. These are loyal, good company people. What is happening at the Big Three affects them deeply, and it is both unfair and cruel. To think otherwise would be inhumane. I have some experience here, as my own grandfather's pension withered away as the textile company he devoted his life to collapsed, in no small part because it refused to relocate its factories to cheaper places.
But economic growth only comes when capital is allowed to flow to its most productive uses. I am very sorry, but propping up Detroit's dinosaurs is not productive. They have destroyed capital for a generation. They have too much debt, they have above-market labor costs, they have shown minimal aptitude at developing automobiles that people want to buy at prices that allow the companies to turn a profit. They are losing to Toyota and Honda (NYSE: HMC).
Their parts suppliers are, as a group, collapsing, with Dana Holding Corporation (NYSE: DAN) and Visteon (NYSE: VC) teetering on the precipice.
Pain delayed is not pain avoided There are no good answers here -- none at all. Whichever way we go, there is going to be substantial pain in the American auto industry. But a government bailout of recidivist capital destroyers is a particularly bad idea, as it perpetuates the destruction, and delays capital formation for more productive uses. It is a bitter, bitter pill. Better to let the Big Three take their medicine, attempt to reorganize in bankruptcy and attempt to emerge anew as smaller, more nimble competitors.
At a minimum, it helps keep the Japan scenario off the table. It's been easy to see that the political decisions made in Japan to protect companies and jobs have been destructive. I've often thought that one of the reasons American capitalism is superior is our willingness to allow companies to fail. Now I'm not so sure.
In 1990 I spent a heady summer living in a very rural part of Japan. It was an incredible time to be there, the dawning of the age of Japanese hegemony. Japanese land, which comprised less than 0.1% of the world, was being valued at an estimated $20 trillion dollars, or 20% of the world's wealth at that time. Business leaders the world round were flooding into Japan to study the "Japanese Economic Miracle," and sought to implement its keiretsu and zaibatsu corporate structures.
We were in the middle of nowhere, but all around our little town, land was being chewed up to build golf courses that offered memberships primarily to businessmen from Okayama and Osaka, cities that were each a multi-hour ferry and train ride away. The cost of membership ran in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, and there was a long waiting list.
It didn't last.
The trouble with the Japanese miracle was that its basis wasn't management superiority -- though the country had some of the most admired companies in the world, including Toyota (NYSE: TM) and Sony (NYSE: SNE). Rather, the miracle in Japan was based upon over-loaning from the government to industrial conglomerates, which led, inevitably, to a bubble.
Unfortunately, the aftereffects of the Japanese bubble persist to this day, and they have deep implications as the American government considers making bailout loans to the Big Three: General Motors (NYSE: GM), Ford (NYSE: F), and Chrysler.
Why Japan continues to fail In late 1989 the Nikkei 225, Japan's leading stock index, hit an intraday high of 38,957. Today, 19 years later, it's at 8,800. This multi-decade loss speaks to two things -- one, just how out of control Japan's asset bubble was, and two, for the sake of maintaining jobs, the Japanese government has not not made the hard decisions that would have allowed the country to grow.
In the aftermath of the bubble, Japan's government rushed in to prop up its banking system, which was teetering under the weight of nonperforming loans. Rather than letting businesses fail, this has had the effect of propping them up to continue operating. To this day the scope of the problem is still not known.
Without this information, investors both in Japan and outside have made a logical conclusion -- to take their investment dollars elsewhere. Japan's industrial sector has failed to meet its cost of capital over the last 20 years, in large measure because the government has allowed capital-destroying companies to continue to operate. Had these companies been allowed to fail, Japan long ago could have flushed out its system and gotten back on the road to economic health. In the name of protecting jobs, Japan's economy has continued to sputter, punctuated by spectacular bankruptcies in cases where the facade could not hold up. The cost of propping them up has been much, much more economic pain. Japanese call the long economic downturn ushinawareta junen, the lost decade.
Sure, but it's not your job we're talking about As I look at the pressure being placed on the U.S. government to bail out or even nationalize American auto manufacturers, I see the same faulty logic being used. So desperate is the government to protect these jobs and these massive companies that it is willing to spend taxpayer money to keep Detroit afloat. It might be a good use of capital if the Big Three were thriving companies that had simply suffered from exogenous events that they'd reacted to improperly. But they aren't. These companies are sick and dying, and they have not generated a positive capital return in decades.
It's not as if this were an unpredictable outcome, as I noted in 2003 when GM raised $13 billion in debt to shore up its pension system. To what end would we bail out these companies? To keep them from collapsing? Wake up -- they have already collapsed.
The "end," of course, would be to keep thousands of jobs, particularly in Michigan and Indiana, from disappearing, to keep pensioners from being mauled at a point in their lives when they cannot afford it. These are loyal, good company people. What is happening at the Big Three affects them deeply, and it is both unfair and cruel. To think otherwise would be inhumane. I have some experience here, as my own grandfather's pension withered away as the textile company he devoted his life to collapsed, in no small part because it refused to relocate its factories to cheaper places.
But economic growth only comes when capital is allowed to flow to its most productive uses. I am very sorry, but propping up Detroit's dinosaurs is not productive. They have destroyed capital for a generation. They have too much debt, they have above-market labor costs, they have shown minimal aptitude at developing automobiles that people want to buy at prices that allow the companies to turn a profit. They are losing to Toyota and Honda (NYSE: HMC).
Their parts suppliers are, as a group, collapsing, with Dana Holding Corporation (NYSE: DAN) and Visteon (NYSE: VC) teetering on the precipice.
Pain delayed is not pain avoided There are no good answers here -- none at all. Whichever way we go, there is going to be substantial pain in the American auto industry. But a government bailout of recidivist capital destroyers is a particularly bad idea, as it perpetuates the destruction, and delays capital formation for more productive uses. It is a bitter, bitter pill. Better to let the Big Three take their medicine, attempt to reorganize in bankruptcy and attempt to emerge anew as smaller, more nimble competitors.
At a minimum, it helps keep the Japan scenario off the table. It's been easy to see that the political decisions made in Japan to protect companies and jobs have been destructive. I've often thought that one of the reasons American capitalism is superior is our willingness to allow companies to fail. Now I'm not so sure.
Things we should know ...
1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton..
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a 'tittle'.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented.)
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19.. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher..
32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.
34.. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a 'tittle'.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented.)
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19.. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher..
32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.
34.. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail.
Is the garage door open?
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His secretary walked up to him and said, “This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?”
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his secretary's question about his “garage door.”
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, “When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?”
She smiled and said, “No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.”
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his secretary's question about his “garage door.”
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, “When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?”
She smiled and said, “No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.”
Symbols on the Dollar Bill
On the rear of the One Dollar bill, you will see two circles. Together, they comprise the Great Seal of the United States.
The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal. It took them four years to accomplish this task
and another two years to get it approved.
If you look at the left-hand circle, you will see a Pyramid. Notice the face is lighted, and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had not begun to explore the west or decided what we could do for Western Civilization. The Pyramid is uncapped, again signifying that we were not even close to being finished. Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing eye, an ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin's belief that one man couldn't do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything.
'IN GOD WE TRUST' is on this currency.
The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means, 'God has favored our undertaking.' The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means, 'a new order has begun.'
At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. (MDCCLXXVI)
If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it carefully, you will learn that it is on every National Cemetery in the United States. It is also on the Parade of Flags Walkway at the Bushnell, FloridaNational Cemetery, and is the centerpiece of most hero's monuments. Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of theUnited States, and it is always visible whenever he speaks,
yet very few people know what the symbols mean.
yet very few people know what the symbols mean.
The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory for two reasons: First, he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong, and he is smart enough to soar above it. Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just broken from the King of England. Also, notice the shield is unsupported. This country can now stand on its own. At the top of that shield you have a white bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one nation. In the Eagle's beak you will read, 'E PLURIBUS UNUM' meaning,'one from many.'
Above the Eagle, you have thirteen stars, representing the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of misunderstanding rolling away. Again, we were coming together as one.
Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows.
They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a 13th floor. But think about this:
* 13 original colonies,
* 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence,
* 13 stripes on our flag,
* 13 steps on the Pyramid,
* 13 letters in, 'Annuit Coeptis,'
* 13 letters in 'E PluribusUnum,'
* 13 stars above the Eagle,
* 13 bars on that shield,
* 13 leaves on the olive branch,
* 13 fruits,
* and if you look closely, 13 arrows.
* 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence,
* 13 stripes on our flag,
* 13 steps on the Pyramid,
* 13 letters in, 'Annuit Coeptis,'
* 13 letters in 'E PluribusUnum,'
* 13 stars above the Eagle,
* 13 bars on that shield,
* 13 leaves on the olive branch,
* 13 fruits,
* and if you look closely, 13 arrows.
And finally, if you notice the arrangement of the 13 stars in the right-hand circle you will see that they are arranged as a Star of David. This was ordered by George Washington who, when he asked Hayyim Solomon, a wealthy Philadelphia Jew, what he would like as a personal reward for his services to the Continental Army, Solomon said he wanted nothing for himself but that he would like something for his people. The Star of David was the result. Few people know that it was Solomon who saved the Army through his financial contributions but died a pauper.
I always ask people, 'Why don't you know this?' Your children don't know this, and their history teachers don't know this. Too many veterans have given up too much to ever let the meaning fade. Many veterans remember coming home to an America that didn't care. Too many veterans never came home at all.
Divorce versus Murder
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'
Thursday, November 06, 2008
NFL Picks - Week 10
The eighth and ninth weeks of the NFL regular season is history -- I was 7-7 in week 8 picking winners (67-49 on the year), while Las Vegas was 7-7 picking winners in week 8 and 9-5 in week 9 (85-44-1 on the year). I didn't make picks in week 9 due to my vacation.
Here are my picks for Week 10 (solely based on my Power Ratings with a 3-popint edge for home field - Las Vegas odds in () ):
THURSDAY, 6 November
Denver (4-4) (+3) at Cleveland (3-5): Cleveland by 2
SUNDAY, 9 November:
Kansas City (1-7) (+15.5) at San Diego (3-5): San Diego by 14
Jacksonville (3-5) (-6) at Detroit (0-8): Jacksonville by 8
Tennessee (8-0) (off) at Chicago (5-3): Tennessee by 6
Buffalo (5-3) (+4.5) at New England (5-3): New England by 4
New Orleans (4-4) (pick) at Atlanta (5-3): Atlanta by 5
St. Louis (2-6) (+8) at New York Jets (5-3): New York Jets by 16
Seattle (2-6) (+9) at Miami (4-4):Miami by 10
Green Bay (4-4) (+2.5) at Minnesota (4-4): Minnesota by 1
Carolina (6-2) (-8.5) at Oakland (2-6): Carolina by 14
Indianapolis (4-4) (off) at Pittsburgh (6-2): Pittsburgh by 11
New York Giants (7-1) (+3) at Philadelphia (5-3): New York Giants by 3
Baltimore (5-3) (+1) at Houston (3-5): Baltimore by 3
MONDAY, 10 November:
San Francisco (2-6) (+9.5) at Arizona (5-3): Arizona by 16
BYES: Cincinnati, Washington, Dallas, Tampa Bay
Here are my NFL power ratings after nine weeks:
1. Tennessee Titans (8-0) -- 34
2. New York Giants (7-1) -- 32
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) -- 28
4. Carolina Panthers (6-2) -- 27
5. Tampa Bay Bucs (6-3) -- 26
6. Philadelphia Eagles (5-3) -- 26
7. Arizona Cardinals (5-3) -- 25
8. Chicago Bears (5-3) -- 25
9. Washington Redskins (6-3) -- 23
10. Atlanta Falcons (5-3) -- 23
11. New England Patriots (5-3) -- 23
12. Baltimore Ravens (5-3) -- 23
13. New York Jets (5-3) -- 23
14. Buffalo Bills (5-3) -- 22
15. Green Bay Packers (4-4) -- 22
16. New Orleans Saints (4-4) -- 21
17. Dallas Cowboys (5-4) -- 21
18. San Diego Chargers (3-5) -- 20
19. Indianapolis Colts (4-4) -- 20
20. Minnesota Vikings (4-4) -- 20
21. Miami Dolphins (4-4) -- 20
22. Denver Broncos (4-4) - 18
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-5) -- 17
24. Cleveland Browns (3-5) -- 17
25. Houston Texans (3-5) -- 17
26. Seattle Seahawks (2-6) -- 13
27. San Francisco 49ers (2-6) -- 12
28. Oakland Raiders (2-6) -- 10
29. St. Louis Rams (2-6) -- 10
30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-7) -- 9
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8) -- 9
32. Detroit Lions (0-8) -- 6
My Chargers came up short against New Orleans in week 8 - critical turnovers and not enough defense. The latter cost Ted Cottrell his coordinator job. After the bye week, has Ron Rivera improved the defensive schemes enough for the defense to actually stop somebody once in awhile? We'll see. I think the defense will bei mproved - I'll call it Chargers 41, Chiefs 23.
Here are my picks for Week 10 (solely based on my Power Ratings with a 3-popint edge for home field - Las Vegas odds in () ):
THURSDAY, 6 November
Denver (4-4) (+3) at Cleveland (3-5): Cleveland by 2
SUNDAY, 9 November:
Kansas City (1-7) (+15.5) at San Diego (3-5): San Diego by 14
Jacksonville (3-5) (-6) at Detroit (0-8): Jacksonville by 8
Tennessee (8-0) (off) at Chicago (5-3): Tennessee by 6
Buffalo (5-3) (+4.5) at New England (5-3): New England by 4
New Orleans (4-4) (pick) at Atlanta (5-3): Atlanta by 5
St. Louis (2-6) (+8) at New York Jets (5-3): New York Jets by 16
Seattle (2-6) (+9) at Miami (4-4):Miami by 10
Green Bay (4-4) (+2.5) at Minnesota (4-4): Minnesota by 1
Carolina (6-2) (-8.5) at Oakland (2-6): Carolina by 14
Indianapolis (4-4) (off) at Pittsburgh (6-2): Pittsburgh by 11
New York Giants (7-1) (+3) at Philadelphia (5-3): New York Giants by 3
Baltimore (5-3) (+1) at Houston (3-5): Baltimore by 3
MONDAY, 10 November:
San Francisco (2-6) (+9.5) at Arizona (5-3): Arizona by 16
BYES: Cincinnati, Washington, Dallas, Tampa Bay
Here are my NFL power ratings after nine weeks:
1. Tennessee Titans (8-0) -- 34
2. New York Giants (7-1) -- 32
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) -- 28
4. Carolina Panthers (6-2) -- 27
5. Tampa Bay Bucs (6-3) -- 26
6. Philadelphia Eagles (5-3) -- 26
7. Arizona Cardinals (5-3) -- 25
8. Chicago Bears (5-3) -- 25
9. Washington Redskins (6-3) -- 23
10. Atlanta Falcons (5-3) -- 23
11. New England Patriots (5-3) -- 23
12. Baltimore Ravens (5-3) -- 23
13. New York Jets (5-3) -- 23
14. Buffalo Bills (5-3) -- 22
15. Green Bay Packers (4-4) -- 22
16. New Orleans Saints (4-4) -- 21
17. Dallas Cowboys (5-4) -- 21
18. San Diego Chargers (3-5) -- 20
19. Indianapolis Colts (4-4) -- 20
20. Minnesota Vikings (4-4) -- 20
21. Miami Dolphins (4-4) -- 20
22. Denver Broncos (4-4) - 18
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-5) -- 17
24. Cleveland Browns (3-5) -- 17
25. Houston Texans (3-5) -- 17
26. Seattle Seahawks (2-6) -- 13
27. San Francisco 49ers (2-6) -- 12
28. Oakland Raiders (2-6) -- 10
29. St. Louis Rams (2-6) -- 10
30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-7) -- 9
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8) -- 9
32. Detroit Lions (0-8) -- 6
My Chargers came up short against New Orleans in week 8 - critical turnovers and not enough defense. The latter cost Ted Cottrell his coordinator job. After the bye week, has Ron Rivera improved the defensive schemes enough for the defense to actually stop somebody once in awhile? We'll see. I think the defense will bei mproved - I'll call it Chargers 41, Chiefs 23.
2008 Presidential Election Map by County
Here is the 2008 presidential election results by county...from http://www.palinplanet.com/2008/11/06/2008-election-map-of-usa-by-county/.
Jeff Foxworthy on New Englanders...
Forget Rednecks .......here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders...
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.
If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England.If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England.
If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in New England.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in New England.
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them,you live in New England.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England.
If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England.
If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England.
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends & others, you live or have lived in New England.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.
If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England.If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England.
If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in New England.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in New England.
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them,you live in New England.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England.
If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England.
If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England.
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends & others, you live or have lived in New England.
How a woman's brain works
Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works? Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:
Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.
A man has only 2 balls and they consume all his thoughts.
Having a bad day?
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am. , all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper , entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
-------------------------------
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaskawas $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
------------------------------
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
----------------------------------
The animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
-----------------------------
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am. , all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper , entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
-------------------------------
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaskawas $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
------------------------------
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
----------------------------------
The animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
-----------------------------
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
Brain Cramps
If you ever feel a little stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius .
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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,' --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.' --Mariah Carey
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,' --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,' -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
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'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,' --A congressional candidate in Texas .
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'Half this game is ninety percent mental.' --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.' --Al Gore, Vice President
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'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ..' --Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?' --Lee Iacocca
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' The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.' --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.' --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.' --Keppel Enderbery
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'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.' --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.' --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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Feeling smarter yet?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,' --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.' --Mariah Carey
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,' --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,' -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,' --A congressional candidate in Texas .
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Half this game is ninety percent mental.' --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.' --Al Gore, Vice President
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ..' --Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?' --Lee Iacocca
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
' The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.' --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.' --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.' --Keppel Enderbery
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.' --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.' --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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Feeling smarter yet?
The Olan Mills Anthology
For those of you who took Olan Mills pictures in your lifetime, you will appreciate this montage of the best and brightest.
By the way, the captions make the site, so be sure to soak them in!
http://www.txag98.com/images/others/olanmillsgoodness/
By the way, the captions make the site, so be sure to soak them in!
http://www.txag98.com/images/others/olanmillsgoodness/
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
NFL Picks - Week 8
The seventh week of the NFL regular season is history -- I was 8-6 picking winners (60-42 on the year), while Las Vegas was 9-5 picking winners (69-32-1 on the year).
Here are my picks for Week 8 (solely based on my Power Ratings - Las Vegas odds in () ):
SUNDAY, 26 October:
San Diego (3-4) (-3) and New Orleans (3-4) in London: Chargers by 1
Buffalo (5-1) (-1.5) at Miami (2-4): Buffalo by 6
Washington (5-2) (-7.5) at Detroit (0-6): Washington by 11
Tampa Bay (5-2) (off) at Dallas (4-3): Tampa Bay by 1
Oakland (2-4) (+7) at Baltimore (4-2): Baltimore by 10
Kansas City (1-5) (+12.5) at New York Jets (3-3): New York Jets by 12
St. Louis (2-4) (+off) at New England (4-2): New England by 11
Arizona (4-2) (+4.5) at Carolina (5-2): Carolina by 5
Atlanta (4-2) (+8.5) at Philadelphia (3-3): Philadelphia by 2
Cincinnati (0-7) (+10) at Houston (2-4): Houston by 11
Cleveland (2-4) (+6.5) at Jacksonville (3-3): Jacksonville by 6
New York Giants (5-1) (-2.5) at Pittsburgh (5-1): Pittsburgh by 1
Seattle (1-5) (+3) at San Francisco (2-5): San Francisco by 6
MONDAY, 27 October:
Indianapolis (3-3) (+4) at Tennessee (6-0): Tennessee by 14
BYES: Denver, Chicago, Green Bay, Minnesota.
The Chargers didn't score enough on offense, or get close to the QB in the 23-14 loss to the Bills. This week, the Chargers take on the Saints in London - it's a road trip for both teams. This is a crucial game for both teams - whoever loses is 3-5 and probably misses the playoffs. I see it Chargers 31, Saints 30.
t the risk of being laughed at, here are my NFL power ratings after seven weeks:
1. Tennessee Titans (6-0) -- 31
2. New York Giants (5-1) -- 30
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-1) -- 28
4. Buffalo Bills (5-1) -- 27
5. Tampa Bay Bucs (5-2) -- 26
6. Carolina Panthers (5-2) -- 25
7. Washington Redskins (5-2) -- 24
8. Arizona Cardinals (4-2) -- 23
9. Atlanta Falcons (4-2) -- 22
10. Dallas Cowboys (4-3) -- 22
11. Chicago Bears (4-3) -- 22
12. New England Patriots (4-2) -- 22
13. Green Bay Packers (4-3) -- 21
14. Philadelphia Eagles (3-3) -- 21
15. Baltimore Ravens (3-3) -- 21
16. San Diego Chargers (3-4) -- 21
17. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3) -- 20
18. Indianapolis Colts (3-3) -- 20
19. New Orleans Saints (3-4) -- 20
20. Denver Broncos (4-3) - 20
21. New York Jets (3-3) -- 19
22. Minnesota Vikings (3-4) -- 18
23. Miami Dolphins (2-4) -- 18
24. Cleveland Browns (2-4) -- 17
25. Houston Texans (2-4) -- 17
26. Oakland Raiders (2-4) -- 14
27. St. Louis Rams (2-4) -- 14
28. San Francisco 49ers (2-5) -- 13
29. Seattle Seahawks (1-5) -- 10
30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-5) -- 9
31. Cincinnati Bengals (0-6) -- 9
32. Detroit Lions (0-6) -- 8
Here are my picks for Week 8 (solely based on my Power Ratings - Las Vegas odds in () ):
SUNDAY, 26 October:
San Diego (3-4) (-3) and New Orleans (3-4) in London: Chargers by 1
Buffalo (5-1) (-1.5) at Miami (2-4): Buffalo by 6
Washington (5-2) (-7.5) at Detroit (0-6): Washington by 11
Tampa Bay (5-2) (off) at Dallas (4-3): Tampa Bay by 1
Oakland (2-4) (+7) at Baltimore (4-2): Baltimore by 10
Kansas City (1-5) (+12.5) at New York Jets (3-3): New York Jets by 12
St. Louis (2-4) (+off) at New England (4-2): New England by 11
Arizona (4-2) (+4.5) at Carolina (5-2): Carolina by 5
Atlanta (4-2) (+8.5) at Philadelphia (3-3): Philadelphia by 2
Cincinnati (0-7) (+10) at Houston (2-4): Houston by 11
Cleveland (2-4) (+6.5) at Jacksonville (3-3): Jacksonville by 6
New York Giants (5-1) (-2.5) at Pittsburgh (5-1): Pittsburgh by 1
Seattle (1-5) (+3) at San Francisco (2-5): San Francisco by 6
MONDAY, 27 October:
Indianapolis (3-3) (+4) at Tennessee (6-0): Tennessee by 14
BYES: Denver, Chicago, Green Bay, Minnesota.
The Chargers didn't score enough on offense, or get close to the QB in the 23-14 loss to the Bills. This week, the Chargers take on the Saints in London - it's a road trip for both teams. This is a crucial game for both teams - whoever loses is 3-5 and probably misses the playoffs. I see it Chargers 31, Saints 30.
t the risk of being laughed at, here are my NFL power ratings after seven weeks:
1. Tennessee Titans (6-0) -- 31
2. New York Giants (5-1) -- 30
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-1) -- 28
4. Buffalo Bills (5-1) -- 27
5. Tampa Bay Bucs (5-2) -- 26
6. Carolina Panthers (5-2) -- 25
7. Washington Redskins (5-2) -- 24
8. Arizona Cardinals (4-2) -- 23
9. Atlanta Falcons (4-2) -- 22
10. Dallas Cowboys (4-3) -- 22
11. Chicago Bears (4-3) -- 22
12. New England Patriots (4-2) -- 22
13. Green Bay Packers (4-3) -- 21
14. Philadelphia Eagles (3-3) -- 21
15. Baltimore Ravens (3-3) -- 21
16. San Diego Chargers (3-4) -- 21
17. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3) -- 20
18. Indianapolis Colts (3-3) -- 20
19. New Orleans Saints (3-4) -- 20
20. Denver Broncos (4-3) - 20
21. New York Jets (3-3) -- 19
22. Minnesota Vikings (3-4) -- 18
23. Miami Dolphins (2-4) -- 18
24. Cleveland Browns (2-4) -- 17
25. Houston Texans (2-4) -- 17
26. Oakland Raiders (2-4) -- 14
27. St. Louis Rams (2-4) -- 14
28. San Francisco 49ers (2-5) -- 13
29. Seattle Seahawks (1-5) -- 10
30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-5) -- 9
31. Cincinnati Bengals (0-6) -- 9
32. Detroit Lions (0-6) -- 8
10 Things Dogs Hate About humans
'1' Blaming your farts on me..... not funny... not funny at all !!!
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'2' Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG
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'3' Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
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'4' Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!
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'5' Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
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'6' The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
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'7' Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
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'8' Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
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'9' Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
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'10' How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.
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Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?
EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY. A DOG ALWAYS OFFERS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. CATS HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!
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'2' Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG
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'3' Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
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'4' Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!
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'5' Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
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'6' The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
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'7' Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
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'8' Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
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'9' Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
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'10' How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.
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Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?
EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY. A DOG ALWAYS OFFERS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. CATS HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!
Columbo wonders...
Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean Senator Obama, sir. Um . . . know you are busy and important and stuff. I mean running for president is very important and . . . ah . . . I hate to bother you. I will only take a minute ok, sir?
See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was wondering sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and things.
Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like this on TV all the time and says boy she wishes she had digs like this you know? Is that painting real? Really? Wow. I saw something like that in a museum once!
Oh, sorry sir. I didn't mean to get off the track. So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island ? No, I didn't think so. .
Well, listen, anyways, I can't seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be "locked" or "not available'. I'm sure it's just some oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are . . . I . . I . . . have them written down here somewhere . . oh wait.
Sorry about the smears. It was raining out. I'll just read it to you.
Could you help me please find these things, sir?
1. Occidental College records -- Not released
2. Columbia College records -- Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper -- "not available"
4. Harvard College records -- Not released
5. Selective Service Registration -- Not released
6. Medical records -- Not released
7. Illinois State Senate schedule -- "not available"
8. Law practice client list -- Not released
9. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate -- Not released
10. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth -- Not released
11. Harvard Law Review articles published -- None
12. University of Chicago scholarly articles -- None
13. Your Record of baptism-- Not released or "not available"
14. Your Illinois State Senate records--"not available"
Oh hey listen! I know you are busy! Is this too much for you now? I mean tell you what. I will come back tomorrow. Give you some time to get these things together, you know? I mean, I know you are busy, so I will just let myself out. I will be back tomorrow.
Who wants to know these things? asked Senator Obama.
Columbo answered: A, just me, Sir --and the rest of THE PEOPLE of America!
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