Wednesday, November 26, 2008

NFL Picks - Week 13

Week 12 of the NFL regular season is history -- I was 9-6-1 in week 12 picking winners (98-61 -3 on the year), while Las Vegas was 10-6 picking winners in week 12 (114-57-5 on the year).

Here are my picks for Week 13 (solely based on my Power Ratings with a 3-point edge for home field - Las Vegas odds in () ):

THURSDAY, 27 November:

Tennessee (10-1) (-11) at Detroit (0-11): Tennessee by 22
Seattle (2-9) (+12.5) at Dallas (7-4): Dallas by 15
Arizona (7-4) (+3) at Philadelphia (5-5-1): even

SUNDAY, 30 November:

Denver (6-5) (+7.5) at New York Jets (8-3): New York Jets by 10
San Francisco (3-8) (+7) at Buffalo (6-5): Buffalo by 10
New Orleans (6-5) (+3.5) at Tampa Bay (8-3): Tampa Bay by 8
Carolina (7-4) (+3) at Green Bay (5-6): Carolina by 3
New York Giants (10-1) (-3.5) at Washington (7-4): New York Giants by 6
Miami (6-5) (-6) at St. Louis (2-9): Miami by 10
Baltimore (7-4) (-7) at Cincinnati (1-9-1): Baltimore by 13
Indianapolis (7-4) (-4.5) at Cleveland (4-7): Indianapolis by 4
Pittsburgh (8-3) (+1) at New England (7-4): even
Kansas City (1-10) (+3) at Oakland (3-8): Oakland by 8
Atlanta (7-4) (+5) at San Diego (4-7): Atlanta by 3
Chicago (6-5) (+3) at Minnesota (6-5): Minnesota by 3

MONDAY, 1 December:

Jacksonville (4-7) (+3.5) at Houston (4-7): Houston by 2

I think the highest potential for upsets (versus Las Vegas) are New Orleans over Tampa Bay, Chicago over Minnesota, and Pittsburgh over New England. Teams in a must-win situation are San Diego, Green Bay, Philadelphia, Buffalo and Miami.

Here are my NFL power ratings after 12 weeks:

1. New York Giants (10-1) -- 32
2. Tennessee Titans (10-1) -- 31
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3) -- 27
4. Tampa Bay Bucs (8-3) -- 27
5. New York Jets (8-3) -- 27

6. Carolina Panthers (8-3) -- 26
7. Baltimore Ravens (7-4) -- 25
8. Arizona Cardinals (7-4) -- 24
9. Atlanta Falcons (7-4) -- 24
10. New England Patriots (7-4) -- 24

11. Washington Redskins (7-4) -- 23
12. Dallas Cowboys (7-4) -- 23
13. Indianapolis Colts (7-4) -- 23
14. New Orleans Saints (6-5) -- 22
15. Miami Dolphins (6-5) -- 21

16. Minnesota Vikings (6-5) -- 21
17. Philadelphia Eagles (5-5-1) -- 21
18. Buffalo Bills (6-5) -- 21
19. Chicago Bears (6-5) -- 21
20. Green Bay Packers (5-6) -- 20

21. Denver Broncos (6-5) - 20
22. San Diego Chargers (4-7) -- 18
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-7) -- 17
24. Cleveland Browns (4-7) -- 16
25. Houston Texans (4-7) -- 16

26. San Francisco 49ers (3-8) -- 14
27. Oakland Raiders (3-8) -- 13
28. Seattle Seahawks (2-9) -- 11
29. Cincinnati Bengals (1-9-1) -- 9
30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-10) -- 8

31. St. Louis Rams (2-9) -- 8
32. Detroit Lions (0-11) -- 6

I predicted the Colts win over the Chargers exactly, 23-20. My Chargers played better on offense, but made critical mistakes. The defense couldn't stop the last Colts drive. The coach made a game management error too. One more loss and the Bolts probably don't make the playoffs (I said that last week too). Now the Falcons come to town with ex-Charger Michael Turner. I call it Falcons 27, Chargers 24.

Good laugh - for women only


She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'


I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.


While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed the man, 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !


A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

The biker and the lion

A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."

The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really; the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."

The reporter says, "Well, I'm a journalist from the New York Times, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?"

The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."

The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:


Thanksgiving cartoons

Underwear Dust

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your Clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your Butt!'

His Wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the Husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put Talcum Powder in my Underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder, It's 'Miracle Grow ! '

Kids are really smart

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John , why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn , how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... ;'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Happy Thanksgiving










That's where it came from!

Where did the phrase "you gotta be shittin' me!" come from?

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our Country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops. There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington 's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know, was that this was a house of ill repute hidden in the forest to serve all who came.
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort.. How many men do you have?'

Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters.'

And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin' me.'

Monday, November 24, 2008

Who Am I?

I was born in one country, raised in another.

My father was born in another country.

I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women.

I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me.

My mother died at an early age from cancer.

Later in life, questions arose over my real name.

My birth records were sketchy and no one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate.

I grew up practicing one faith but converted to Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my country, but I practiced non-traditional beliefs & didn't follow Christianity, except in the public eye under scrutiny.

I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared about them.

That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life and I embarked on a new career.

I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was clear to those who read my memoirs that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child.

I became active in local politics in my 30's then with help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a candidate for national office in my 40s. They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything. That reinforced my conceit.

I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks.

I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances. This bolstered my ego.

At first, my political campaign focused on my country's foreign policy. I was very critical of my country in the last war and seized every opportunity to bash my country.

But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country's economy. I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better and every poor person would be fed & housed for free.

I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess. It was the free market, banks & corporations. I decided to start making citizens hate them & if they were envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight.

I called mine "A People's Campaign" and that sounded good to all people.

I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics & was able to gain widespread popular support.

I knew that, if I merely offered the people 'hope' , together we could change our country and the world. So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include "persecuted minorities" like the Jews. My true views were not widely known & I needed to keep them unknown, until after I became my nation's leader.

I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with. I'm glad they didn't.

Then I became the most powerful man in the world. And the world learned the truth.

Who am I?

I'll post the answer in comments later.

"24" Redemption - Dave Barry's summary

Jack Bauer is back. You can read Dave Barry's take on it here.

The comments are hilarious as devotees settled in for a virtual party.

Steve provided a great summary about 3/4 of the way down the comments. It's long, you can't miss it.

I tuned in at about 8:40 after the Chargers-Colts game -- didn't miss many gunshots, knife fights or explosions, I see.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

NFL Picks - Week 12

Week 11 of the NFL regular season is history -- I was 10-4-2 in week 11 picking winners (89-55 -2 on the year), while Las Vegas was 11-4-1 picking winners in week 10 (104-51-5 on the year).

Here are my picks for Week 12 (solely based on my Power Ratings with a 3-point edge for home field - Las Vegas odds in () ):

THURSDAY, 13 November

Cincinnati (1-8-1) (+11.5) at Pittsburgh (7-3): Pittsburgh by 22

SUNDAY, 16 November:

Houston (3-7) (+3) at Cleveland (4-6): Cleveland by 6
Buffalo (5-5) (-3) at Kansas City (1-9): Buffalo by 10
New York Jets (7-3) (+5) at Tennessee (10-0): Tennessee by 11
New England (6-4) (+2) at Miami (6-4): Miami by 2
San Francisco (3-7) (+10.5) at Dallas (6-4): Dallas by 11
Tampa Bay (7-3) (-8.5) at Detroit (0-10): Tampa Bay by 20
Philadelphia (5-4-1) (+2) at Baltimore (6-4): Baltimore by 3
Chicago (5-5) (-8.5) at St. Louis (2-8): Chicago by 11
Minnesota (5-5) (+2.5) at Jacksonville (4-6): Jacksonville by 1
Carolina (8-2) (+1) at Atlanta (6-4): Carolina by 2
Oakland (2-8) (+10) at Denver (6-4): Denver by 9
Washington (6-4) (-3.5) at Seattle (2-8): Washington by 8
New York Giants (9-1) (-3.5) at Arizona (7-3): New York Giants by 3
Indianapolis (6-4) (+2.5) at San Diego (4-6): even

MONDAY, 17 November:

Green Bay (5-5) (+2.5) at New Orleans (5-5): New Orleans by 2

I think the highest potential for upsets (versus Las Vegas) are Indianapolis over San Diego, Carolina over Atlanta, and Kansas City over Buffalo.

Here are my NFL power ratings after eleven weeks:

1. Tennessee Titans (10-0) -- 35
2. New York Giants (9-1) -- 33
3. Carolina Panthers (8-2) -- 29
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-3) -- 27
5. Tampa Bay Bucs (7-3) -- 27

6. New York Jets (7-3) -- 27
7. Arizona Cardinals (7-3) -- 27
8. Philadelphia Eagles (5-4-1) -- 24
9. Atlanta Falcons (6-4) -- 24
10. Baltimore Ravens (6-4) -- 24

11. New England Patriots (6-4) -- 23
12. Washington Redskins (6-4) -- 22
13. Dallas Cowboys (6-4) -- 22
14. Indianapolis Colts (6-4) -- 22
15. Miami Dolphins (6-4) -- 22

16. Green Bay Packers (5-5) -- 22
17. New Orleans Saints (5-5) -- 21
18. Denver Broncos (6-4) - 21
19. Minnesota Vikings (5-5) -- 20
20. Buffalo Bills (5-5) -- 20

21. Chicago Bears (5-5) -- 20
22. San Diego Chargers (4-6) -- 19
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-6) -- 18
24. Cleveland Browns (4-6) -- 17
25. Houston Texans (3-7) -- 14

26. San Francisco 49ers (3-7) -- 14
27. Seattle Seahawks (2-8) -- 11
28. Oakland Raiders (2-8) -- 9
29. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8-1) -- 8
30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-9) -- 7

31. St. Louis Rams (2-8) -- 6
32. Detroit Lions (0-10) -- 4

My Chargers played better on defense, but the offense played poorly in the 11-10 loss to Pittsburgh (note it would have been 18-10 except for an official's error). One more loss and the Bolts probably don't make the playoffs. Now the Colts come to town - they've won two in a row while the Chargers have struggled to even win at home. I call it Colts 23, Chargers 20.

The wizard gets it

I'm Brownies!

If all of the eight desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose (sorry, you can only pick one)!

Trust me...this is very accurate. Pick your Dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you.

REMEMBER - No Cheating. Make your choice before you check the meaning. After taking this dessert personality test, send this on to others, but when you do, be sure to put your choice of dessert in the subject box above.

Here are your choices:

1. Angel Food Cake
2. Brownies
3. Lemon Meringue Pie
4. Vanilla Cake With Chocolate Icing
5. Strawberry Short Cake
6. Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Icing
7. Ice Cream
8. Carrot Cake

No, you can't change your mind once you scroll down, so think carefully about what your choice will be.

OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what the researchers say about you... SCROLL DOWN---

No Cheating

1. ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.

2. BROWNIES -- You are adventurous, love new ideas, and area champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

3. LEMON MERINGUE -- Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your Hands, you are an excellent caregiver and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, you set your own style because you do your own thing. You shine when it comes to helping others and have many friends.

4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous, not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lacking motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE --Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. Intuitively keen. You can be very emotional at times but a true person in every way. You like to do things for yourself and help others learn about themselves.

6. CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious,and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hangout with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends. You were meant to lead and teach others. A wonderful role model.

You Know your are from San diego IF...

1. You can correctly pronounce Tierrasanta, La Jolla, Rancho Penesquitos, San Ysidro, Otay Mesa, Jamul, and El Cajon, and know where they are.

2. There are four distinct seasons: Summer, Not Quite Summer, Almost Summer, and oh, Hey look it's summer again.

3. Your high school had a surf team.

4. Chula-juana is a real town, as well as San Yskidrow, Spun Alley, and Nasty City.

5. Your house is worth more than some small countries.

6. You know what MB, OB, and PB st and for.

7. Every street name is either in Spanish or Spanish related, and you're surprised when other areas don't have this.

8. You can determine the accuracy of someone's "I'm ghetto" claim by knowing their high school. for example: El Camino H.S., or Crawford H.S.

9. You see weather forecasts for four different climate zones in the same county, and aren't remotely surprised.

10. You've gone to Mt. Helix in July and know you still need a jacket.

11. You remember going to "The Cross" on Mt. Helix for Easter services. 60 degrees is COLD!

12. You've tailgated at Qualcomm Stadium, and for bonus points, also tailgated when it was Jack Murphy Stadium, and San diego Stadium.

13. You know that "Charge!" doesn't refer to a credit card.

14. You remember going downtown via Federal Blvd. before Hwy. 94 was built.

15. You remember when Hwy. 94 was 2 lanes in each direction.

16. You've been on a field trip to see an Imax movie at the Reuben H. Fleet Space Center.

17. You still call it the Del Mar Fair.

18. You say "I'm going to the track" and people know what your talking about.

19. You say "I'm going to the park" and people know what you mean.

20. You remember when 'Lemon Grove', 'La Mesa', and 'Spring Valley' were "in the sticks"

21. You understand what May-gray and June-gloom means .

22. A famous skateboarder/surfer lives in your town,

23. There's a North County, South County, and an East County but no Central County.

24. You know what it means when a girl in a short skirt is walking on El Cajon Blvd.

25. You've gotten stuck in the Horton Plaza parking structure traffic after a Padres game.

26. You know what "the merge" is, and will plan your entire day around not being on it during rush hour.

27. You know the difference between Clairmont Mesa, Kearny Mesa, and Mira Mesa.

28. You've stayed home from school or work, because "It's Raining!".

29. You've gone to Sea World on a warm day and sat in the first few rows at the Shamu show to get cooled off.

30. You've been delayed at the Border Checkpoints on the 5, the 8 and the 15. (Where's the one on 8?)

31. Your house doesn't have or need air conditioning unless you live in the East County.

32. No matter what the weather is, there is always someone walking around in a t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops.

33. You've been to the desert, the mountains, and the beach all in one day.

34. You know that Santee, and Lakeside is where the 'cowboys' live.

35. You know why Hillcrest is known as 'the swish alps'.

36. You hate tourists and their bad driving. (But you don't know how to drive in the rain.)

37. You've gone to the Zoo just to hang out.

38. You have family or friends that have moved to Arizona, Nevada, Utah or Colorado.

39. You know someone who doesn't own pants.

40. You know what the 'Santa Anas' are, and that they have nothing to do with the city of Santa Ana.

41. You know what 'real Mexican food' tastes like.

42. You remember when 'Mission Valley' was cow pastures ( have bought land then!) and the cows went thru a tunnel under Highway 8.

43. You remember when Lemon Grove had "the cows" at Millers Ranch & you could get milk at their drive-thru.

44. You remember riding the ferry as a passenger for .25 cents for as many trips back & forth as you wanted, all night long.

45. You remember where the National City Airport was and what kind of landing surface it had.

46. You remember where the Naval Amphibious Airport was and remember seeing large Naval Seaplanes practice landing and taking off there.

47. You remember the dredge in Mission Bay that created Fiesta Island.

48. You know exactly where the PSA jet crashed.

49. You went to a ball game at Westgate Park.

50. You know what the Sea Dart was, where it was built and where it was flown.

51. You know what park the Albino Deer lived in and how it died.

52. You knew what street bus #7 operated on.

53. You knew where "Costa Bells St." was in Lemon Grove and what famous feed store was on it.

54. You skated at "Palisade Gardens" and ate at the indoor-outdoor snack bar.

55. You took the "Quince St." offramp from 395 North in Balboa Park.

56. You know what hotel had the glass elevator on its outside.

57. You watched them repair fishing nets at the foot of Grape St.

58. You remember the Ivy growing on the walls at San Diego HS.

59. You watched the jalopies race on the dirt track and later years you watched Y.A. Tittle, as the Chargers QB, at Balboa Stadium.

60. You got a parking ticket from a San Diego Policeman driving a Harley Davidson Servi-Car, which had the box w/ 2 wheels in the back.

61. You watched races at "Hour Glass Field" and know exactly what has been built at that location now.

62. You've seen with your own eyes the Little League Baseball fields in Mission Valley flooded.

63. You know what building "The Brass Rail" was in at downtown San Diego before it was moved to Hillcrest.

64. You watched Bob Dale get pissed on by the monkey during his San Diego Zoorama program on KFMB Channel 8.

65. You know what large reservoir has an island in the middle of it.

66. You know what Jerry Coleman's job was in WWII.

67. You saw the five "skywriters" planes flying in a row writing their messages over San Diego skies.

68. You watched them unload the elephants off of the train and walk them to the Sports Arena for the circus.

69. You ate a hamburger and fries with your high school friends at the A&W drive-in on El Cajon Boulvard.

70. You remember the parades that are no more: Fiesta De La Luna in Chula Vista; Mayday Parade in National City.

Have a beautiful, sunny San Diego Day!!!!

Coming to dinner?

A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day before Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Denver and tell her.'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this,' She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says, 'they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'

Is it a big number?

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 'Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.'

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!'

Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving and there is that risk involved.'

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'

Thursday, November 13, 2008

NFL Picks - Week 11

The tenth week of the NFL regular season is history -- I was 12-2 in week 10 picking winners (79-51 on the year), while Las Vegas was 8-3-3 picking winners in week 10 (93-47-4 on the year).

Here are my picks for Week 11 (solely based on my Power Ratings with a 3-point edge for home field - Las Vegas odds in () ):

THURSDAY, 13 November

New York Jets (6-3) (+3) at New England (6-3): New England by 1

SUNDAY, 16 November:

San Diego (4-5) (+4.5) at Pittsburgh (6-3): Pittsburgh by 8
Denver (5-4) (+5.5) at Atlanta (6-3): Atlanta by 8
Oakland (2-7) (+10.5) at Miami (5-4): Miami by 15
Baltimore (6-3) (+6.5) at New York Giants (8-1): New York Giants by 9
Houston (3-6) (+8.5) at Indianapolis (5-4): Indianapolis by 9
Tennessee (9-0) (-3) at Jacksonville (4-5): Tennessee by 18
Chicago (5-4) (off) at Green Bay (4-5): even
Philadelphia (5-4) (-9) at Cincinnati (1-8): Philadelphia by 15
New Orleans (4-5) (-4.5) at Kansas City (1-8): New Orleans by 9
Detroit (0-9) (+14) at Carolina (7-2): Carolina by 26
Minnesota (5-4) (+4) at Tampa Bay (6-3): Tampa Bay by 8
St. Louis (2-7) (+6.5) at San Francisco (2-7): San Francisco by 8
Arizona (6-3) (-3) at Seattle (2-7): Arizona by 11
Dallas (5-4) (-2) at Washington (6-3): Washington by 5

MONDAY, 17 November:

Cleveland (3-6) (+4.5) at Buffalo (5-4): Buffalo by 8

I think the highest potential for upsets are Kansas City over New Orleans, Cleveland over Buffalo, and Dallas over Washington.

Here are my NFL power ratings after ten weeks:

1. Tennessee Titans (9-0) -- 34
2. New York Giants (8-1) -- 32
3. Carolina Panthers (7-2) -- 28
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3) -- 26
5. Tampa Bay Bucs (6-3) -- 26

6. Baltimore Ravens (6-3) -- 26
7. New York Jets (6-3) -- 26
8. Arizona Cardinals (6-3) -- 26
9. Philadelphia Eagles (6-3) -- 25
10. Atlanta Falcons (6-3) -- 25

11. New England Patriots (6-3) -- 24
12. Chicago Bears (5-4) -- 23
13. Washington Redskins (6-3) -- 23
14. Buffalo Bills (5-4) -- 21
15. Dallas Cowboys (5-4) -- 21

16. San Diego Chargers (4-5) -- 21
17. Indianapolis Colts (5-4) -- 21
18. Minnesota Vikings (5-4) -- 21
19. Miami Dolphins (5-4) -- 21
20. Green Bay Packers (4-5) -- 20

21. New Orleans Saints (4-5) -- 20
22. Denver Broncos (5-4) - 20
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-6) -- 19
24. Cleveland Browns (3-6) -- 16
25. Houston Texans (3-6) -- 15

26. Seattle Seahawks (2-7) -- 12
27. San Francisco 49ers (2-7) -- 12
28. Oakland Raiders (2-7) -- 9
29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-8) -- 8
30. St. Louis Rams (2-7) -- 7

31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8) -- 7
32. Detroit Lions (0-9) -- 5

My Chargers needed a break to beat the Chiefs 20-19 - the Chiefs went for two points in the last minute, and lost it. The Chargers run offense was poor, and the defense was porous. They go up against the 6-3 Steelers, who are smarting from a close loss to the Colts. I think the Steelers will run the ball well, stuff the Chargers run and pass. I'll call it Steelers 20, Chargers 9.

Obama's Background Check

Who in the world would ever think of applying to serve in the Obama administration - see the application at background check pdf

I can see that the FBI and Secret Service will be very busy over the next few years trying to staff the positions in the White House and the different executive departments.

Are we Failing like Japan?

From my email - an article on Motley Fool by Bill Mann:

In 1990 I spent a heady summer living in a very rural part of Japan. It was an incredible time to be there, the dawning of the age of Japanese hegemony. Japanese land, which comprised less than 0.1% of the world, was being valued at an estimated $20 trillion dollars, or 20% of the world's wealth at that time. Business leaders the world round were flooding into Japan to study the "Japanese Economic Miracle," and sought to implement its keiretsu and zaibatsu corporate structures.

We were in the middle of nowhere, but all around our little town, land was being chewed up to build golf courses that offered memberships primarily to businessmen from Okayama and Osaka, cities that were each a multi-hour ferry and train ride away. The cost of membership ran in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, and there was a long waiting list.

It didn't last.

The trouble with the Japanese miracle was that its basis wasn't management superiority -- though the country had some of the most admired companies in the world, including Toyota (NYSE: TM) and Sony (NYSE: SNE). Rather, the miracle in Japan was based upon over-loaning from the government to industrial conglomerates, which led, inevitably, to a bubble.

Unfortunately, the aftereffects of the Japanese bubble persist to this day, and they have deep implications as the American government considers making bailout loans to the Big Three: General Motors (NYSE: GM), Ford (NYSE: F), and Chrysler.

Why Japan continues to fail In late 1989 the Nikkei 225, Japan's leading stock index, hit an intraday high of 38,957. Today, 19 years later, it's at 8,800. This multi-decade loss speaks to two things -- one, just how out of control Japan's asset bubble was, and two, for the sake of maintaining jobs, the Japanese government has not not made the hard decisions that would have allowed the country to grow.

In the aftermath of the bubble, Japan's government rushed in to prop up its banking system, which was teetering under the weight of nonperforming loans. Rather than letting businesses fail, this has had the effect of propping them up to continue operating. To this day the scope of the problem is still not known.

Without this information, investors both in Japan and outside have made a logical conclusion -- to take their investment dollars elsewhere. Japan's industrial sector has failed to meet its cost of capital over the last 20 years, in large measure because the government has allowed capital-destroying companies to continue to operate. Had these companies been allowed to fail, Japan long ago could have flushed out its system and gotten back on the road to economic health. In the name of protecting jobs, Japan's economy has continued to sputter, punctuated by spectacular bankruptcies in cases where the facade could not hold up. The cost of propping them up has been much, much more economic pain. Japanese call the long economic downturn ushinawareta junen, the lost decade.

Sure, but it's not your job we're talking about As I look at the pressure being placed on the U.S. government to bail out or even nationalize American auto manufacturers, I see the same faulty logic being used. So desperate is the government to protect these jobs and these massive companies that it is willing to spend taxpayer money to keep Detroit afloat. It might be a good use of capital if the Big Three were thriving companies that had simply suffered from exogenous events that they'd reacted to improperly. But they aren't. These companies are sick and dying, and they have not generated a positive capital return in decades.

It's not as if this were an unpredictable outcome, as I noted in 2003 when GM raised $13 billion in debt to shore up its pension system. To what end would we bail out these companies? To keep them from collapsing? Wake up -- they have already collapsed.

The "end," of course, would be to keep thousands of jobs, particularly in Michigan and Indiana, from disappearing, to keep pensioners from being mauled at a point in their lives when they cannot afford it. These are loyal, good company people. What is happening at the Big Three affects them deeply, and it is both unfair and cruel. To think otherwise would be inhumane. I have some experience here, as my own grandfather's pension withered away as the textile company he devoted his life to collapsed, in no small part because it refused to relocate its factories to cheaper places.

But economic growth only comes when capital is allowed to flow to its most productive uses. I am very sorry, but propping up Detroit's dinosaurs is not productive. They have destroyed capital for a generation. They have too much debt, they have above-market labor costs, they have shown minimal aptitude at developing automobiles that people want to buy at prices that allow the companies to turn a profit. They are losing to Toyota and Honda (NYSE: HMC).

Their parts suppliers are, as a group, collapsing, with Dana Holding Corporation (NYSE: DAN) and Visteon (NYSE: VC) teetering on the precipice.
Pain delayed is not pain avoided There are no good answers here -- none at all. Whichever way we go, there is going to be substantial pain in the American auto industry. But a government bailout of recidivist capital destroyers is a particularly bad idea, as it perpetuates the destruction, and delays capital formation for more productive uses. It is a bitter, bitter pill. Better to let the Big Three take their medicine, attempt to reorganize in bankruptcy and attempt to emerge anew as smaller, more nimble competitors.

At a minimum, it helps keep the Japan scenario off the table. It's been easy to see that the political decisions made in Japan to protect companies and jobs have been destructive. I've often thought that one of the reasons American capitalism is superior is our willingness to allow companies to fail. Now I'm not so sure.

Things we should know ...

1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton..

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a 'tittle'.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented.)

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

19.. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)

27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher..

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.

34.. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail.

Is the garage door open?

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His secretary walked up to him and said, “This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?”

The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his secretary's question about his “garage door.”

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, “When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?”

She smiled and said, “No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.”

Symbols on the Dollar Bill

On the rear of the One Dollar bill, you will see two circles. Together, they comprise the Great Seal of the United States.

The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal. It took them four years to accomplish this task
and another two years to get it approved.

If you look at the left-hand circle, you will see a Pyramid. Notice the face is lighted, and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had not begun to explore the west or decided what we could do for Western Civilization. The Pyramid is uncapped, again signifying that we were not even close to being finished. Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing eye, an ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin's belief that one man couldn't do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything.
'IN GOD WE TRUST' is on this currency.

The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means, 'God has favored our undertaking.' The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means, 'a new order has begun.'

At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. (MDCCLXXVI)
If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it carefully, you will learn that it is on every National Cemetery in the United States. It is also on the Parade of Flags Walkway at the Bushnell, FloridaNational Cemetery, and is the centerpiece of most hero's monuments. Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of theUnited States, and it is always visible whenever he speaks,
yet very few people know what the symbols mean.

The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory for two reasons: First, he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong, and he is smart enough to soar above it. Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just broken from the King of England. Also, notice the shield is unsupported. This country can now stand on its own. At the top of that shield you have a white bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one nation. In the Eagle's beak you will read, 'E PLURIBUS UNUM' meaning,'one from many.'
Above the Eagle, you have thirteen stars, representing the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of misunderstanding rolling away. Again, we were coming together as one.
Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows.

They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a 13th floor. But think about this:
* 13 original colonies,
* 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence,
* 13 stripes on our flag,
* 13 steps on the Pyramid,
* 13 letters in, 'Annuit Coeptis,'
* 13 letters in 'E PluribusUnum,'
* 13 stars above the Eagle,
* 13 bars on that shield,
* 13 leaves on the olive branch,
* 13 fruits,
* and if you look closely, 13 arrows.

And finally, if you notice the arrangement of the 13 stars in the right-hand circle you will see that they are arranged as a Star of David. This was ordered by George Washington who, when he asked Hayyim Solomon, a wealthy Philadelphia Jew, what he would like as a personal reward for his services to the Continental Army, Solomon said he wanted nothing for himself but that he would like something for his people. The Star of David was the result. Few people know that it was Solomon who saved the Army through his financial contributions but died a pauper.

I always ask people, 'Why don't you know this?' Your children don't know this, and their history teachers don't know this. Too many veterans have given up too much to ever let the meaning fade. Many veterans remember coming home to an America that didn't care. Too many veterans never came home at all.

Divorce versus Murder

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'

Thursday, November 06, 2008

NFL Picks - Week 10

The eighth and ninth weeks of the NFL regular season is history -- I was 7-7 in week 8 picking winners (67-49 on the year), while Las Vegas was 7-7 picking winners in week 8 and 9-5 in week 9 (85-44-1 on the year). I didn't make picks in week 9 due to my vacation.

Here are my picks for Week 10 (solely based on my Power Ratings with a 3-popint edge for home field - Las Vegas odds in () ):

THURSDAY, 6 November

Denver (4-4) (+3) at Cleveland (3-5): Cleveland by 2

SUNDAY, 9 November:

Kansas City (1-7) (+15.5) at San Diego (3-5): San Diego by 14
Jacksonville (3-5) (-6) at Detroit (0-8): Jacksonville by 8
Tennessee (8-0) (off) at Chicago (5-3): Tennessee by 6
Buffalo (5-3) (+4.5) at New England (5-3): New England by 4
New Orleans (4-4) (pick) at Atlanta (5-3): Atlanta by 5
St. Louis (2-6) (+8) at New York Jets (5-3): New York Jets by 16
Seattle (2-6) (+9) at Miami (4-4):Miami by 10
Green Bay (4-4) (+2.5) at Minnesota (4-4): Minnesota by 1
Carolina (6-2) (-8.5) at Oakland (2-6): Carolina by 14
Indianapolis (4-4) (off) at Pittsburgh (6-2): Pittsburgh by 11
New York Giants (7-1) (+3) at Philadelphia (5-3): New York Giants by 3
Baltimore (5-3) (+1) at Houston (3-5): Baltimore by 3

MONDAY, 10 November:

San Francisco (2-6) (+9.5) at Arizona (5-3): Arizona by 16

BYES: Cincinnati, Washington, Dallas, Tampa Bay

Here are my NFL power ratings after nine weeks:

1. Tennessee Titans (8-0) -- 34
2. New York Giants (7-1) -- 32
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) -- 28
4. Carolina Panthers (6-2) -- 27
5. Tampa Bay Bucs (6-3) -- 26

6. Philadelphia Eagles (5-3) -- 26
7. Arizona Cardinals (5-3) -- 25
8. Chicago Bears (5-3) -- 25
9. Washington Redskins (6-3) -- 23
10. Atlanta Falcons (5-3) -- 23

11. New England Patriots (5-3) -- 23
12. Baltimore Ravens (5-3) -- 23
13. New York Jets (5-3) -- 23
14. Buffalo Bills (5-3) -- 22
15. Green Bay Packers (4-4) -- 22

16. New Orleans Saints (4-4) -- 21
17. Dallas Cowboys (5-4) -- 21
18. San Diego Chargers (3-5) -- 20
19. Indianapolis Colts (4-4) -- 20
20. Minnesota Vikings (4-4) -- 20

21. Miami Dolphins (4-4) -- 20
22. Denver Broncos (4-4) - 18
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-5) -- 17
24. Cleveland Browns (3-5) -- 17
25. Houston Texans (3-5) -- 17

26. Seattle Seahawks (2-6) -- 13
27. San Francisco 49ers (2-6) -- 12
28. Oakland Raiders (2-6) -- 10

29. St. Louis Rams (2-6) -- 10
30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-7) -- 9

31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8) -- 9
32. Detroit Lions (0-8) -- 6

My Chargers came up short against New Orleans in week 8 - critical turnovers and not enough defense. The latter cost Ted Cottrell his coordinator job. After the bye week, has Ron Rivera improved the defensive schemes enough for the defense to actually stop somebody once in awhile? We'll see. I think the defense will bei mproved - I'll call it Chargers 41, Chiefs 23.

2008 Presidential Election Map by County

Here is the 2008 presidential election results by county...from

Jeff Foxworthy on New Englanders...

Forget Rednecks is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders...

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England.If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in New England.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England.

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in New England.

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them,you live in New England.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England.

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England.

If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England.

If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England.

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends & others, you live or have lived in New England.

Why women can't fix cars

Looks like a blonde to me - probably doesn't know the meaning of "jack"

How a woman's brain works

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?'s finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.
A man has only 2 balls and they consume all his thoughts.

Having a bad day?

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am. , all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper , entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.


The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaskawas $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.


A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.


The animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Brain Cramps

If you ever feel a little stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius .


(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,' --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.' --Mariah Carey


'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,' --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,' -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.


'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC


'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,' --A congressional candidate in Texas .


'Half this game is ninety percent mental.' --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.' --Al Gore, Vice President


'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ..' --Dan Quayle


'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?' --Lee Iacocca


' The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.' --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.


'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.' --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.


'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.' --Keppel Enderbery


'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.' --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina


'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.' --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


Feeling smarter yet?

The Olan Mills Anthology

For those of you who took Olan Mills pictures in your lifetime, you will appreciate this montage of the best and brightest.

By the way, the captions make the site, so be sure to soak them in!