Saturday, February 07, 2009

Economic Stimulus Plan

Here is the best explanation I've found:

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?"
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers."

Q. Where will the government get this money?"
A. From taxpayers."

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?"
A. Not exactly.....mostly to everyone else, including those who didn't pay the taxes."

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?"
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy."

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?"
A. Shhhhhhhhh!!

Below is some helpful guide on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan.

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Southeast Asia.

As an alternative, if you want to keep that money in America: Spend it on businesses still headquartered in the US, such as yard sales, baseball games, prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY) and tattoos.

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