A recently unclassified government report warns against the possibility of violence by “right-wing extremists.” According to unnamed sources close to Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, you are a right wing extremist if you --
* Were born in the Deep South
* Believe that 9/11 was more serious than Watergate
* Wear an American flag in your lapel
* Knowingly listen to Rush Limbaugh Speak and write perfect English, but no Spanish
* Own more than two Bibles or one Confederate Flag
* Believe that Jesus Christ means eternal life
* Support the rule of law and maintenance of law and order
* Want America’s borders secured
* Believe that Mexico is a foreign nation and Spanish a foreign language
* Thank God that the U.S. won both world wars
* Oppose affirmative action, abortion, same-sex marriage, and gun control
* Believe that fighting higher taxes is more patriotic than paying them
* Believe that "anthropogenic global warming" is a socialist hoax.
* Prefer “Patriot’s Tea” to Obama Kool-aid
* Doubt that Islam is really a “Religion of Peace”
* Believe that a baby Jew born to a virgin 2009 years ago saved mankind from sin
* Send out Christmas cards
* Attend a Christian church on occasions other than Christmas and Easter.
Our tax dollars hard at work!