Barack Obama, through his spokesman, claimed that he was unaware of the tax day tea parties.
Granted, the media has done a good job in suppressing any sort of coverage ahead of time (and the little coverage they did provide was derisive at best) but how out of touch is the Community Organizer in Chief, really? This much:
- He was unaware that he was attending a church (for 20 years) with a racist pastor who hates America.
- He was unaware that he was family friends with, and started his political career in the living room of, a domestic terrorist.
- He was unaware that he had invested in two speculative companies backed by some of his top donors right after taking office in 2005.
- He was unaware that his own aunt was living in the US illegally.
- He was unaware that his own brother lives on pennies a day in a hut in Kenya.
- He was unaware of the AIG bonuses that he and his administration approved and signed into a bill.
- He was unaware that the man he nominated to be his Secretary of Commerce was under investigation in a bribery scandal.
- He was unaware that the man he nominated to be his Secretary of Health and Human Services was a tax cheat.
- He was unaware that the man he nominated to be his Secretary of the Treasury was a tax cheat.
- He was unaware that the man he nominated to be the U.S. Trade Representative was a tax cheat.
- He was unaware that the woman he nominated to be his Chief Performance Officer was a tax cheat.
- He was unaware that the man he nominated to be #2 at the Environmental Protection Agency was under investigation for mismanaging $25 million in EPA grants.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Want S'mores?
Check out these new camping tools --- pretty cool!
You would think that someone could figure out a way to put them together so you could roast S'mores with one hand.
You would think that someone could figure out a way to put them together so you could roast S'mores with one hand.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
The Proposal
From my email...
When a company falls on difficult times, one of the things that seems to happen is they reduce their staff and workers. The remaining workers must find ways to continue to do a good job or risk that their job would be eliminated as well. Wall Street, and the media normally congratulate the CEO for making this type of "tough decision", and his board of directors gives him a big bonus. Our government should not be immune from similar risks.
Therefore: Reduce the House of Representatives from the current 435 members to 218 members. Reduce Senate members from 100 to 50 (one per State). Then, reduce their staff by 25%.
Accomplish this over the next 8 years (two steps/two elections) and of course this would require some redistricting.
Some Yearly Monetary Gains Include:
$44,108,400 for elimination of base pay for congress. (267 members X $165,200 pay/member/ yr.)
$97,175,000 for elimination of their staff. (estimate $1.3 Million in staff per each member of the House, and $3 Million in staff per each member of the Senate every year)
$240,294 for the reduction in remaining staff by 25%.
$7,500,000,000 reduction in pork barrel ear-marks each year. (those members whose jobs are gone. Current estimates for total government pork earmarks are at$15 Billion/yr).
The remaining representatives would need to work smarter and improve efficiencies. It might even be in their best interests to work together for the good of our country! We may also expect that smaller committees might lead to a more efficient resolution of issues as well. It might even be easier to keep track of what your representative is doing.
Congress has more tools available to do their jobs than it had back in 1911 when the current number of representatives was established. (telephone, computers, cell phones to name a few)
Note: Congress did not hesitate to head home when it was a holiday, when the nation needed a real fix to the economic problems. Also, we had 3 senators that were not doing their jobs for the 18+ months (on the campaign trail) and still they all have accepted full pay. These facts alone support a reduction in senators & Congress.
Summary of opportunity:
$ 44,108,400 reduction of congress members.
$282,100, 000 for elimination of the reduced house member staff. $150,000,000 for elimination of reduced senate member staff.
$59,675,000 for 25% reduction of staff for remaining house members.
$37,500,000 for 25% reduction of staff for remaining senate members.
$7,500,000,000 reduction in pork added to bills by the reduction of Congress members.
$8,073,383,400 per year, estimated total savings. (that ' s 8-BILLION just to start!)
Big business does these types of cuts all the time.
If Congresspersons were required to serve 20, 25 or 30 years (like everyone else) in order to collect retirement benefits, tax payers could save a bundle. Now they get full retirement after serving only ONE term.
When a company falls on difficult times, one of the things that seems to happen is they reduce their staff and workers. The remaining workers must find ways to continue to do a good job or risk that their job would be eliminated as well. Wall Street, and the media normally congratulate the CEO for making this type of "tough decision", and his board of directors gives him a big bonus. Our government should not be immune from similar risks.
Therefore: Reduce the House of Representatives from the current 435 members to 218 members. Reduce Senate members from 100 to 50 (one per State). Then, reduce their staff by 25%.
Accomplish this over the next 8 years (two steps/two elections) and of course this would require some redistricting.
Some Yearly Monetary Gains Include:
$44,108,400 for elimination of base pay for congress. (267 members X $165,200 pay/member/ yr.)
$97,175,000 for elimination of their staff. (estimate $1.3 Million in staff per each member of the House, and $3 Million in staff per each member of the Senate every year)
$240,294 for the reduction in remaining staff by 25%.
$7,500,000,000 reduction in pork barrel ear-marks each year. (those members whose jobs are gone. Current estimates for total government pork earmarks are at$15 Billion/yr).
The remaining representatives would need to work smarter and improve efficiencies. It might even be in their best interests to work together for the good of our country! We may also expect that smaller committees might lead to a more efficient resolution of issues as well. It might even be easier to keep track of what your representative is doing.
Congress has more tools available to do their jobs than it had back in 1911 when the current number of representatives was established. (telephone, computers, cell phones to name a few)
Note: Congress did not hesitate to head home when it was a holiday, when the nation needed a real fix to the economic problems. Also, we had 3 senators that were not doing their jobs for the 18+ months (on the campaign trail) and still they all have accepted full pay. These facts alone support a reduction in senators & Congress.
Summary of opportunity:
$ 44,108,400 reduction of congress members.
$282,100, 000 for elimination of the reduced house member staff. $150,000,000 for elimination of reduced senate member staff.
$59,675,000 for 25% reduction of staff for remaining house members.
$37,500,000 for 25% reduction of staff for remaining senate members.
$7,500,000,000 reduction in pork added to bills by the reduction of Congress members.
$8,073,383,400 per year, estimated total savings. (that ' s 8-BILLION just to start!)
Big business does these types of cuts all the time.
If Congresspersons were required to serve 20, 25 or 30 years (like everyone else) in order to collect retirement benefits, tax payers could save a bundle. Now they get full retirement after serving only ONE term.
Government programs
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington ? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls.
But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow..
But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow..
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Top Ten Indicators of Obama's Health Care Plan
From my email --
You are in Obama's health care plan if:
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "an apple a day..."
(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error.
(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."
(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED OBAMA'S HEALTH CARE PLAN:
(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and some Duct Tape.
You are in Obama's health care plan if:
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "an apple a day..."
(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error.
(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."
(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED OBAMA'S HEALTH CARE PLAN:
(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and some Duct Tape.
Stonehenge Mystery Solved?
For hundreds, maybe thousands of years, people have been trying to figure out how primitive people could build huge structures such as Stonehenge and the pyramids out of stone blocks weighing thousands of pounds. Scientists have been stumped.
Then along comes a normal guy - a retired Michigan construction worker - and he says, "well, I would do it like this..." And he does. This guy uses the
simplest tools known to man and shows how simple and easy it would have been to create Stonehenge !
This is a really great video clip. Amazing how this guy could figure out something that has confounded scholars for centuries. And not only figures it out, but demonstrates it!
This guy could build a replica of Stonehenge single-handedly, while a ommittee of 20 or 30 Civil Engineering professors from leading universities would be debating how it was done.
" Stonehenge Reloaded".
http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog/posts/moving_big_rocks
Then along comes a normal guy - a retired Michigan construction worker - and he says, "well, I would do it like this..." And he does. This guy uses the
simplest tools known to man and shows how simple and easy it would have been to create Stonehenge !
This is a really great video clip. Amazing how this guy could figure out something that has confounded scholars for centuries. And not only figures it out, but demonstrates it!
This guy could build a replica of Stonehenge single-handedly, while a ommittee of 20 or 30 Civil Engineering professors from leading universities would be debating how it was done.
" Stonehenge Reloaded".
http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog/posts/moving_big_rocks
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Past Scientific Predictions
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”-- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science,1949
“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
“I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.” -- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
“But what ... is it good for?” -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” -- Bill Gates, 1981
“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.” -- Western Union internal memo, 1876.
“The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
“The concept is interesting and well formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.” -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” -- H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
“I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.” -- Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in “Gone With The Wind.”
“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.” -- Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
“Heavier than air flying machines are impossible.” -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
“If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can’t do this.” -- Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3 M “Post It” Notepads.
“So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said,‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.’” -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H P interested in his and Steve Wozniak’s personal computer. [Ed note: To say their computer is not quite correct, it was designed by Wozniak’s entirely.]
“Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.” -- 1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard’s revolutionary rocket work.
“You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can’t be done. It’s just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training.” -- Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the “unsolveable” problem by inventing Nautilus.
“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy.” -- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” -- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
“Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.” -- Marshal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction”. -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
“The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon”. -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
“I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.” -- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
“But what ... is it good for?” -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” -- Bill Gates, 1981
“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.” -- Western Union internal memo, 1876.
“The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
“The concept is interesting and well formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.” -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” -- H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
“I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.” -- Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in “Gone With The Wind.”
“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.” -- Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
“Heavier than air flying machines are impossible.” -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
“If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can’t do this.” -- Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3 M “Post It” Notepads.
“So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said,‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.’” -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H P interested in his and Steve Wozniak’s personal computer. [Ed note: To say their computer is not quite correct, it was designed by Wozniak’s entirely.]
“Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.” -- 1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard’s revolutionary rocket work.
“You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can’t be done. It’s just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training.” -- Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the “unsolveable” problem by inventing Nautilus.
“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy.” -- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” -- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
“Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.” -- Marshal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction”. -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
“The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon”. -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Analysis of Obama Health Care Proposal
From my email...
The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new economic stimulus package.
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a**holes in Washington.
The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new economic stimulus package.
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a**holes in Washington.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
These people can vote!
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on My VCR?
Dear Abby, I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby, I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Remember these people can vote!!
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on My VCR?
Dear Abby, I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby, I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Remember these people can vote!!
No mystery!!
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide .. Let's see now..
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No Nude Women
No car races
No football
No soccer
No golf
No tailgate parties
No Cabela's
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster, shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No nachos
No Beer nuts
No Beer !!!!!!!!
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
I mean, really, is there a mystery here?
Sunday, July 12, 2009
New kid at school
It was The first day of a school in San Diego, and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the Fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's Begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good!" Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for The People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper, "Damn Those Indians."
"Who said that?" , she demanded.
Chandrasekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Chandrasekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You Little sh*t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh crap, we're screwed!"
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, "I think it was the American people, November 4, 2008."
The teacher said, "Let's Begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good!" Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for The People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper, "Damn Those Indians."
"Who said that?" , she demanded.
Chandrasekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Chandrasekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You Little sh*t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh crap, we're screwed!"
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, "I think it was the American people, November 4, 2008."
Camera Phones took these...
Should you use your camera phone? Maybe so, maybe not. Here are some spontaneous snaps - not from mine, of course!
Ten Commandments of Marriage
Commandment 1:
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2:
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least a 100 grand!
Commandment 4:
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5:
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6:
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7:
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8:
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9:
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.
Commandment 10:
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY:
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled, 'It really works!'
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2:
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least a 100 grand!
Commandment 4:
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5:
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6:
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7:
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8:
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9:
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.
Commandment 10:
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY:
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled, 'It really works!'
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
A Great Loss...
With no disrespect intended to the Jackson family, this sure does reveal the shallowness of our value system in this country. This puts things into perspective:
by MIKE aka Mr. Brutally Honest
While the focus today, tomorrow and for the next God-knows-how-many-days will be the death of a pop culture icon; while many will mourn, wail and quite literally make fools of themselves over it and while as many will speak endlessly about it, allow me, if only for a moment, to remind us all that others have died this month; others whose lives were cut short; others who leave behind loved ones and whose families will dearly miss them; families who'll suffer with much more dignity and honor than we'll be exposed to on the tube in the coming days.
Yes... it's true... we've suffered a great loss... but forgive me while I tell you that I'm not talking about the king of pop music.
These American military members died in Iraq this month:
Sergeant Justin J. Duffy
Specialist Christopher M. Kurth
Specialist Charles D. Parrish
Lance Corporal Robert D. Ulmer
Staff Sergeant Edmond L. Lo
Sergeant Joshua W. Soto
Captain Kafele H. Sims
Specialist Chancellor A. Keesling
And these members of our U.S. Armed Forces died in Afghanistan thismonth:
Sergeant Ricky D. Jones
Specialist Rodrigo A. Munguia Rivas
Command Master Chief Petty Officer Jeffrey J. Garber
1st Sergeant John D. Blair
Sergeant Paul G. Smith
Staff Sergeant Joshua Melton
Sergeant 1st Class Kevin A. Dupont
Specialist Jonathan C. O'Neill
Chief Warrant Officer Ricky L. Richardson Jr.
Specialist Eduardo S. Silva
Lance Corporal Joshua R. Whittle
Major Rocco M. Barnes
Major Kevin M. Jenrette
Staff Sergeant John C. Beale
Specialist Jeffrey W. Jordan
Specialist Jarrett P. Griemel
Specialist Roberto A. Hernandez I
Sergeant Jasper K. Obakrairur
Staff Sergeant Jeffrey A. Hall
Private 1st Class Matthew D. Ogden
Private 1st Class Matthew W. Wilson
Let's remember and honor this day those whose deaths are truly impacting.
by MIKE aka Mr. Brutally Honest
While the focus today, tomorrow and for the next God-knows-how-many-days will be the death of a pop culture icon; while many will mourn, wail and quite literally make fools of themselves over it and while as many will speak endlessly about it, allow me, if only for a moment, to remind us all that others have died this month; others whose lives were cut short; others who leave behind loved ones and whose families will dearly miss them; families who'll suffer with much more dignity and honor than we'll be exposed to on the tube in the coming days.
Yes... it's true... we've suffered a great loss... but forgive me while I tell you that I'm not talking about the king of pop music.
These American military members died in Iraq this month:
Sergeant Justin J. Duffy
Specialist Christopher M. Kurth
Specialist Charles D. Parrish
Lance Corporal Robert D. Ulmer
Staff Sergeant Edmond L. Lo
Sergeant Joshua W. Soto
Captain Kafele H. Sims
Specialist Chancellor A. Keesling
And these members of our U.S. Armed Forces died in Afghanistan thismonth:
Sergeant Ricky D. Jones
Specialist Rodrigo A. Munguia Rivas
Command Master Chief Petty Officer Jeffrey J. Garber
1st Sergeant John D. Blair
Sergeant Paul G. Smith
Staff Sergeant Joshua Melton
Sergeant 1st Class Kevin A. Dupont
Specialist Jonathan C. O'Neill
Chief Warrant Officer Ricky L. Richardson Jr.
Specialist Eduardo S. Silva
Lance Corporal Joshua R. Whittle
Major Rocco M. Barnes
Major Kevin M. Jenrette
Staff Sergeant John C. Beale
Specialist Jeffrey W. Jordan
Specialist Jarrett P. Griemel
Specialist Roberto A. Hernandez I
Sergeant Jasper K. Obakrairur
Staff Sergeant Jeffrey A. Hall
Private 1st Class Matthew D. Ogden
Private 1st Class Matthew W. Wilson
Let's remember and honor this day those whose deaths are truly impacting.
The Newest Wal-Mart Greeter
from my email --
Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified.. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
;
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.. It just pops into your head. There's no warning.'
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?' she asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed. ‘She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply..
'Well out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of' ..
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already sh!t my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on!
Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified.. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
;
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.. It just pops into your head. There's no warning.'
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?' she asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed. ‘She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply..
'Well out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of' ..
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already sh!t my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Children's Science Exam Answers
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
More blonde jokes
from my email:
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'
Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You might have to think twice about this one. A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3, 000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth. So then? I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?'
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk To ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied.
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied..... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
+++++++++++++
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'
Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You might have to think twice about this one. A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3, 000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth. So then? I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?'
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk To ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied.
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied..... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
+++++++++++++
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'
Blondie's restaurant?
From my email...
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
I LOVE THIS ONE............
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
I LOVE THIS ONE............
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
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